To ask what rules you have around your child's phone.

[Squigglewigglediggle]

Ds is getting a phone for his birthday, he'll be 11 and starts high school I'm September and generally I feel it's better for him to have one now. That said I'm anxious about the can of worms owning a phone entails. What safeguards and rules do you have for you child's phones?

GPS tracking
Downstairs overnight
I can check the phone at any time, no arguments
No downloading apps without my permission
No setting passwords I don't know

It sounds OTT and DS is a good lad so doesn't use it as much as other teenagers I know- he's 14 now but just uses it for essentials.

If you have an i-phone you can set parental controls so you can approve which apps they download and when they can be on it (restricted hours)

I set the expectation with my 11 year old that she needs permission to share her number/ add contacts and that I will be checking her phone to keep her safe. She uses it mostly so I can track her to and from school and use the (many many!) homework apps on it. She does have games but I can choose which ones and set an age range.

So far she has had it 8 months and no issues

No phones in bedrooms.
Charging overnight happens in the hallway (don't let the using it as an alarm thing happen once as it's impossible to rein back in).
Regular checks of the phone. We have a rule whereby if something is mentioned (especially something in a group chat) then there is no issues with it. It's a discussion rather than an argument. If I find it when checking then there is an issue. It removes a lot of the deleting temptation.

We have iPhones so I have to approve any apps being downloaded. No apps are ever allowed to be downloaded before I know how they work - if you don't know the features of an app and how it works you can't keep them safe.

In the beginning anyone being added to contacts had to be agreed with me or their dad first.

Work out what works for your family. I got called a dragon and disrespectful of privacy on here before because of how strict I am. I have three at uni - all of whom have actually encouraged me to be stricter with the younger ones - and two young teens who are disgruntled like teens tend to be, but understand the rules.

No large groups on WhatsApp. So a group of a few friends is OK, but not the whole year group one. DD got added by friends a few times... she said there was a lot of nastiness and left quickly

Harder to police... no using the phone while walking in the street. I live near a school... the number of near misses I've seen between cars and kids staring at their phone and stepping off the pavement is unbelievable. I nearly had a child walk into my stationary car last week...

DS1 turns 18 in March. We have password for phone, he has a monthly allowance put on his Play account for gaming, once it's gone it's gone. DS1 is autistic, hates social media and doesn't want to do it, he thinks it's stupid (very much takes after his Dad!) but he does go on gaming forums. We have his logins for those and the understanding is we can check if we are concerned. He is allowed his phone in his room at night on weekends and holidays, not weekdays. We are allowing more freedom with it before going to uni because he will need to self regulate then.

DS2 is in S4, has autism and ADHD and is more prone to scrolling and overuse, so same rules and he is not allowed his phone in his room at night, unless we are away from home and he is struggling to sleep, as he can work himself up - at those times, we do let him watch something and usually that helps. DS2 is keener on social media, we don't want him on TikTok or Instagram until he's 16, but he does use Snapchat. No access to payment means as DS2 would not be able to keep to set limits at this stage. Same rules about passwords, checking if we have concerns apply.

Neither are allowed their phones (and not are we!) if we are having dinner as a family or have guests over. But because they are ND, we do allow them to pass on family dinner if they've had a stressful or highly demanding day and they can eat in their rooms and have screen time. No point forcing them to sit down and interact if their social batteries are totally drained, it would just lead to arguments/meltdowns.