Families, weddings, drama

[LovelyGirlImelda]

Despite my parents’ protestations, I’m stuck between them trying to organise a wedding.

Dad wants to invite his girlfriend of around a year. They are on-off, and have recently broken up and reconciled. I’ve nothing against her particularly, but my concerns are:

1. I live abroad so we haven’t actually met
2. Dad seems to be trying to use my wedding to “debut” her
3. He doesn’t seem to get that there’s a broad spectrum between “having a problem” with him being in a relationship (I don’t) and wanting to be best mates and hear about his feelings (don’t want this either)

My opinion is somewhere along the lines of… I’m pleased you’re happy, but she’s not my family just because you’re dating.

Inviting her will cause issues with my mum (she’s not the OW, for the avoidance of doubt). I’d also have to give my mum a +1 as well and frankly I don’t have the space.

So, AIBU to not invite the gf?

YANBU - don’t invite her
YABU - how heartless, of course you must invite her

Yes, I NC’ed for this. It’s been an issue for a few months now

this is one of the best I don't really give a fuck posts I have have read on mumsnet, My mum’s parents i.e. your grandparents OP? Do what you want, don't think anyone will be shocked.

Good of you to invite your grandparents 👀 unless there’s a huge back story of shit parenting I don’t understand why you wouldn’t suck it up and give both parents a plus one to ensure they’re happy but that’s obviously not what you want to do 🤷🏻‍♀️

In 20 years’ time, you’ll be able to count on one hand those friends that are still in your life, but your family will always be your family.

Sorry, yes, I know they’re my grandparents, I’m exhausted in the middle of a parental divorce and bored after decades of crap and they’re keeping scores on whose side of the family is coming (dad’s parents are dead) so it’s become a bit of a thing. That was quite bad of me though.

Because to do so causes issues with everyone else

So why bother posting then - for the second time, by the sound of it? Do you just want validation for your decision?

Does your mum have someone special she would invite if she had a plus one? She might be going along with no +1 to please you but she might also not be happy

Fair point, the previous post was about putting feet down in respect of my fiancé’s family as they’d requested 30 extra guests and this came up. I guess validation but also help in dealing with it with my dad - it’s very challenging, mum is making drama about it constantly, it’s super stressful. I know I probably come across as a bit heartless but I’m really struggling with organising it all and having this side show in which nobody is happy. I don’t want to upset him but I want help in how to explain it to him so he understands. And dealing with my mum as well, who is on a crusade (she called me earlier to trash the woman again, which I didn’t engage with and asked her to stop, but it’s constant)

I think my mum would like me to invite 150 people and have it in my hometown with all her relatives coming along so she feels like she has an army. I won’t be doing that

But no, she’s not seeing anyone. I mentioned grandparents as she was saying she might need to bring a friend to act as a shield. But my mum will have loads of people