What text to send to gauge his interest?

[BeAzureNewt]

Been dating someone that's been hot and cold. Several misunderstandings have happened the last month, and he is being a bit distant. Last text was initiated by me, and he replied a day later after seeing my story, and we were formal with each other. He liked my story yesterday and then posted a new picture of him, which I liked today. He didn't text me, but generally, he knows I sort of text him every 5 to 7 days.

I want to shoot my shot and text him just to get a clear idea where I stand with him and if he is just being stubborn at this point. I don't want to text to make him interested again—I sort of want to do it for me as I need that to close this chapter if I must. Is it desperate to let him know I like him and liked his latest picture?

In the past, every time I have overthought about this guy, I had been wrong and just wondering if this is the case.
I thought of just texting ,good morning handsome and see what he says

Well this obsession isn't going to get any better until you cut all forms of contact with him, including blocking him on everything. That's literally all you need to start with.

You've posted about this before I think. If he's blowing hot and cold, if it's always you who instigates contact then he's just not that into you. Men really aren't that complicated - if he's keen on you, you will know it, he will make the effort. Time to move on OP.

Thank you everyone for your advice ,I took the courage to remove him from everything inuding deleting his number and blocking.Everytime he likes my stories I get triggered and anxious.
I have ADHD and mostly probably just obsessing now because he used to give me all the highs and lows and that is gone now.
I get bored on normal healthy relationships and this is the kind of men I only attract all my life.
I have decided to cut contact with all of the other guys I am talking as well as it seems I have a lot of work to do in order to attract someone suitable for me .

Therapy could help you massively. Please don't pursue any romantic relationships until you've worked on yourself.

I don't understand the question, really. To gauge someone's interest you just need to communicate clearly. "Hello, man I've been seeing. We've been talking for a while and I wanted to see whether you are interested in pursuing a relationship". If you feel absolutely unable to do that and, instead, feel like you have to play mind games, you are not ready to be in a relationship. With anyone.

You are behaving like a crazy woman. Go to therapy!

@OpalMaker
asking if he wants to stop talking is actually me communicating with him ,as a few days before that, we had sex and one expects closeness after that not distance.
If you were him and my son had called by mistake ,would you have believed me it was by mistake ?
Tiktok I removed because it was a deactivated account and I was cleaning up my following list.
Labelling me crazy don't think is helping here

I think if you’re very, very honest with yourself you have done those things “”accidentally on purpose” to fish for a reaction or signs of life.

The fact that this connection has you living in such an anxious and reactive state suggests that it isn’t the healthiest place for you to be right now. I can’t say whether that is due to something he is or isn’t doing, or if it’s indicative of work that you need to do on yourself.

You’re going to make yourself look silly and you’ll feel embarrassed about it afterwards. You may want lots of sycophants to comment and tell you that everything sounds completely normal and justifiable, but I’m not one of those people. This man probably sees the accidental “oh, that was my son” and the “I was clearing up my following list” or whatever else and tells himself “good grief, this woman is obsessed with me, I wonder how much she’ll debase herself if I go silent for a bit longer next time”.

Have you ever actually told him that you need closeness after sex, instead of the distance you’re getting?

Have you ever tried just communicating plainly? Example below;

“I really enjoy when we’re intimate and always have such a great time, I do find it stings in the days afterwards when I barely hear from you after sharing such lovely evenings together, do you notice this happening, is it a conscious thing?”

@OpalMaker my son really called him as crazy as it sounds ,I had no reason to call from another number as he was replying to my messages,and what would I even gain ?my whatsapp there has my details ,surely I would have deleted those before calling? yes I was anxious about him pulling away and I asked to get an clear answer to stop obsessing and move on.Many people slow fade you and I was giving him a chance to come clean in case this was his intention.
He could have hit me in that moment with yes you are right I am not in a place now for a relationship but acted all upset by it.
I had too many following accounts and was clearing them up ,why on earth would I unfollow on tiktok but keep him on my other socials ?

Have you posted about your son calling him by mistake before? That sounds very familiar.

This isn’t healthy. This is who he is, and it’s not working for you. If you don’t like someone’s behaviour then walk away, you can’t change them, and trying to change them will make you feel like you’re going mad. You need to do some work to figure out why you’re chasing men whose actions (or lack of) are making you feel unhappy, and why you’re getting obsessive in these situations, otherwise any romantic relationship is going to lead to madness.

@OpalMaker
I haven't asked for closeness cause that is something he should have given on his own and that was our first time.
It was clear he was after one thing and then just distance me enough to keep as an option but not his girlfriend

yes I was anxious about him pulling away and I asked to get an clear answer to stop obsessing and move on

You’re giving him too much power. You don’t need him to give you an answer, you already have one. He’s pulling away and being distant when you’ve only known him a short time, and it’s making you unhappy. Decide for yourself to move on because it’s making you unhappy, don’t base your decision on whether he’s interested or not.

Well if it’s “clear” what he was after and you’re so sure of that, why are you still poking the bear with little games? If your interpretation is correct, then he’s basically said “I liked you enough to shag you, but either you or the sex weren’t good enough to hang onto and show off to the world”, and if that’s the case, why are you still begging it?

You either grow the fuck up and have an adult conversation with him about the feelings you both do or don’t have, or you carry on with this confusing clusterfuck of bullshit and you continue to invent these dilemmas to busy yourself with.

For all we know the poor guy is just busy at work.

FFS, just get some help. Have you ever tried going for a walk when you feel yourself spiralling?

@OpalMaker
I wasas I didnt have verbal communication with him to explain at all.
All advice I get is actions speak for themselves, if he wanted he would and that I should play cool and distant ,not show him I care and all that.
This guy chased me really hard in the beginning and he would text even when at work ,text immediately after seeing my stories,ask all the time to meet me and so on.
Then I showed interest back and he became responsive but stopped chasing.
So me crossing his mind when he likes my stories and not text is a change in behaviour.
I used to text him every week and now it's first time I haven't done anything.
And it doesn't matter as I cut all contact finally as people are right if there is genuine interest I would know it by now.

If he liked you then you would already know about it. You don’t need to ask. Just move on without the social squirming embarrassment of appearing needy by asking.

‘Cold’ communication (ie none) is more telling than ‘hot’ communication.

Look up some CBT techniques to help you with a more healthy emotional response.

Been dating someone that's been hot and cold.

This is your answer. He's not v. interested. move on

This sounds like utter hell to me, the way to stop is just stop, you have to for your own sanity. Find someone you can talk to and be with in real life and stop reading into things posted on stupid social media where nobody is ever the real deal, that really seems to be the killer of relationships these days.
Facebook, instagram, tik tok ,dating apps etc are just dirty shallow ponds where poisonous scum & infectious diseases exist, thrive & infect your mind.
I'm so glad I met my husband before mobile phones had really taken off. He had one I didn't and then when I did get one we never texted each other, always called.

Sorry OP but I think he's either not interested or playing a rather unpleasant game with you. I'd drop him now.

I just knew there'd be a child in the midst of this ridiculous twaddle.

People do chase and lay it on thick with lots of texts, calls, grand gestures.

Then they take it away again very quickly when they capture your interest.

So they are like emotional vampires. Just looking for their next fix. This man had had his fix from you and is now onto the next person.

Now you know you can swerve the next bloke is over the top or blowing hot and cold.

You need someone who is calm, consistently interested but not over the top with comms.

Oh my life!
what a ridiculous way to conduct a relationship - liking stories, texting, blocking, unblocking…

Meet the guy and TALK to each other. Then decide what you both want to do. End of.

Okay, so this is the rule. If someone wants you they come and get you. That might be sending you messages, arranging to meet you and making plans. If they are not doing these things, they don’t want to be with you. Accept this and set yourself free.

Too much game playing. It sounds like the problems have been created by both if you being deliberately ‘cold’ 🙄