I think to start I need to paint a bit of a history with this. My husband has an older DC and we also share one together. I met DH when his son was about 5, he is now 14.
When DSS was younger I felt like I was expected to pitch in a lot with time and money but never consulted about anything. I did all sorts school drop offs, all meals, washing clothes, went along to sit at hobbies in the rain at the weekend even though it really wasn't necessary and so on, looked after him all weekend while both parents worked over time etc.. but no one ever wanted my opinion on anything or to include me at all in decisions, so I felt a bit used and like a nanny.
It caused a few arguments with me and DH and eventually I took a big step back and whilst I do care for and get on with SS, I am not massively involved and tend to leave everything to his parents now. We also now share one young DC.
We have also never had joint finances, and for lots of reasons, inc the above, I have never wanted to.
So onto the issue now...
DH is going on about wanting to do up DSS's room. Which is fine, sounds lovely! He has lots of plans for it (and tbf it does need doing) but they are all pretty expensive sounding plans, he wants new everything, new fancy bed, gaming set up, new flooring, decorating etc..
And he is wanting me to contribute toward it. I have said no. I don't mind helping to paint or whatever but I'm not paying for a full room revamp. I won't be consulted on anything, just told what DH wants to do so I'm not contributing and think he can pay for all of it.
Aibu?