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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you find this rude?

21 replies

Farcoffee · 08/12/2024 23:40

Went to stay at a close friend’s house where she lives with her boyfriend of a year. It’s his house but she has moved in and they are very coupley / clearly in it for the long haul. He’s ok but doesn’t really ask me questions and makes stuff all about himself. We were relaxing at their house and he asked her if she wanted a tea without really asking me… I jumped in and said, oh I’d love one too if that’s ok. But my dp would always offer a guest one first as would I?! She seemed unfazed…

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 08/12/2024 23:55

I would not get too fussed about that . In our house we would ask guests , most people I know would ,but if he is all about her not guests , then make a cup of tea yourself. I see where you're coming from and I do - It's a bit inhospitable but it's how they are. ☕(for you )

MasterBeth · 08/12/2024 23:58

Yes, it's rude.

TinySmol · 08/12/2024 23:59

Yes, it's rude.

Original poster
Farcoffee · 09/12/2024 00:08

Do you think I could have handled differently?

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 09/12/2024 00:12

He didn’t want you to visit and tried to show it that way.
yes, it was rude.

foodforclouds · 09/12/2024 00:12

I think both of you are rude.
he didn’t offer you one, just jumping in like you did is rude.
offering a tea to only one of 2 people sat on your sofa in your house is rude.

GreyBlackBay · 09/12/2024 00:13

Was it clear he wasn't going to ask you? Did you jump in before he could? Perhaps he asked friend first because he thought she may have plans.

But yep, rude.

memyselfi · 09/12/2024 00:13

Rude and sends a signal that you weren't very welcome .
Was he hinting it was time to leave ?

Original poster
Farcoffee · 09/12/2024 00:14

I don’t think it was a signal because they had both invited me to stay for a few days.

OP posts:
SmalllChange · 09/12/2024 00:15

What does without really asking you mean?

He asked you or he didn't, I can't see anything inbetween?

ByHardyAquaFox · 09/12/2024 00:15

You were extremely rude. It is for the host to offer and not for the guest to demand.
Next time why don't you open the bridge and help yourself?

Kedece2410 · 09/12/2024 00:16

Maybe he was about to ask you before you jumped in

Original poster
Farcoffee · 09/12/2024 00:37

I’m actually pretty shocked that people find my response rude! I made a joke of it but had been invited for the weekend and otherwise didn’t ask for anything else. I would consider it my priority to give guests a drink and think it’s a lot less rude to ask when they’re already making one vs helping yourself to their fridge items

OP posts:
Original poster
Farcoffee · 09/12/2024 09:07

Bumping 😊

OP posts:
Onlycoffee · 09/12/2024 09:54

When he asked her, could it have been a collective "you"? Eg could they have prearranged that he would make the drinks so she didn't have to get up and interrupt the flow of conversation with you?

When a friend comes to visit if my DH knows her and is home my DH offers to make the drinks after about 20 mins of her arriving.

Thelittlecatinatree · 09/12/2024 10:04

What do you mean by "without really asking me"? Surely he asked you or he didn't?!

Yes, it's usually the guest you ask first but he might have had his reasons for checking with her first e.g. checking to see if she had other plans in mind. Or, as the poster above suggested, it might have been a collective "you".
Your response comes across as rude as well though, based on what you've written in your OP

GridlockonMain · 09/12/2024 10:05

Yes, it’s rude. Totally weird to not offer everyone in the room a tea if you’re making one anyway.

Coconutter24 · 09/12/2024 10:05

It is rude not to offer the guest a drink first. I would of asked if you both would like a drink but I do think it was rude of you to jump in as you put it, he may of been asking his gf first and then once she answered he could of been planning on asking you. That wouldn’t of been rude of him cos you both got offered but because you jumped in you don’t know if he would of asked you or not

Annabella92 · 09/12/2024 10:06

He did want you there and was hoping you'd leave.

Yes it was rude of him. Don't think you were rude but I'd ask my friend about it as maybe it was a bad time.

GridlockonMain · 09/12/2024 10:08

I also don’t think your response was rude and I’m surprised some PPs think it was (except that these things can always be explained by the fact that a certain proportion of aibu posters will always stick the boot to an OP on absolutely no provocation).

Original poster
Farcoffee · 09/12/2024 10:15

@GridlockonMain thanks I’m honestly quite surprised! I consider myself pretty socially aware and have often been complimented on my social skills so don’t think it was an extreme response from me. Had the show been on the other foot, I would’ve been mortified that my friend needed to ask. The alternative was I used their items to make myself one (rude) or popped to a coffee shop (rude) when I was staying the whole weekend. I’m a good guest and was invited and told to come back anytime so a little bemused

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