Nursery dilemma

[Lavender1029]

I’ll try and explain this as simply and briefly as possible. Interested to know whether I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill and need to get some perspective?!

DD age 3 has been at a great nursery since she turned 1. It is a 10-15 min drive away in the next town. We (or more like I) chose it because it has a brilliant outdoor space, very centred on learning through forest school / Montessori style teaching/play outdoors and is a vibrant environment. Been really happy with it and she’s very settled.

We have since had DS (age 1) who has recently started at a local nursery (seems to have settled in well) in the village we live in with a view to moving DD there too but I’m really struggling with the choice. We looked at this nursery first time round for DD and I really wasn’t keen on it, the vibe is completely different to her current nursery. The decision to send DS there and move DD has been pushed by DH. I work long days so he has been doing all the nursery runs to DD nursery which he dislikes, he is able to walk DS (20 min walk) to nursery which he much prefers. The local nursery is also cheaper and generally more flexible. A high proportion of the children also end up going to the school where our children will end up going.

I have no concerns with the local nursery in terms of being caring and looking after the children. The staff seem friendly and approachable. However I can’t shake off my feeling about DD and DS missing out on the extensive outside space offered by DD current nursery which was the real draw for me sending DD there in the first place. It just felt right. DD is outside all day in all weathers (except extreme) which I love. The outside space at the local nursery is really naff, just a small courtyard area with some balance bikes, sandpit, small plastic slide etc. There are also no screens in current nursery whereas in the local nursery they do put the tv on for her age group towards the end of the day. I also have a slight gripe about some of the food at the local nursery as some of it isn’t very healthy (cakes, pizza, proper puddings after lunch etc). DD current nursery is much healthier.

Both nurseries are rating outstanding by Ofsted.

YANBU - keep DD in current nursery and put DS on waiting list to move there (there may not be a place until summer)

YABU - make life simpler and just move DD to local nursery where DS is (she could start end of Jan)

I like the sound of the original nursery where your daughter is already!

I prefer my children to attend nursery in the area where they'll either go to school or in a feeder nursery to a school. You will be amazed by how many friends they'll make in the local area just by being local.

Getting your younger one into the car likely takes DH a few mins - have you factored in the extra hour travel time daily for both your kids into consideration? Mine go locally and I love that due to this get they more time with me daily (as well as building local friendships - for us as parents too).

I can’t help to pause and wonder if the roles were reversed, and your DH working the long hours, would you be ok with him dictating the additional distance? (And cost)? Where will DD be going to school? (In a few months? Would moving her mean moving twice? Esp if D’s doesn’t get a place in her current nursery till summer?).

As a mom with little ones in reception and school nursery, I’m so grateful I don’t have commute time after school (as they are already shattered) means we can occasionally do play dates, library or park afternoons (on days I’m not working).

15 mins each way is a whole hour out the day, both for dh and dd, she could use that time to be in the garden in all weathers or do craft at home. It would also be good for her to make friends prior to going to school. I’d move her

Our kids go to something similar to your second nursery, because we commute to work, it's 15 min walk on our commute route, and the hours are extended so we can do early dropoff or late pick up if need be.

I would love to send my kids to your DD nursery, but that's not realistic. It would be an added stress we don't need. So I think it depends on the circumstances.

If it's 15 min drive, but out your husband way to work (so adding commuting time), and he finishes at 5pm or later getting him rushed for dinner, bath, bed etc, I can really understand his point.
I feel your post is a bit unfair if you don't do any of the nursery runs. We are missing information about your husband's perspective here, all you are saying is "15 min drive" vs "20 min walk" which doesn't make sense. There must something else that makes it difficult for your husband...

The further away nursery does sound 'better' but the local one sounds fine and has benefits too. Ultimately if DH is doing all the nursery runs he should get final say.

DS started school in September and it was so so important to him settling in that most of his classmates had been together at nursery. It was unfortunately very obvious which children hadn't, as they were the ones still upset at drop off whilst the ones kids were happily going in together.

We've chosen our local nursery for the baby where the outside space is also a small courtyard, because we valued the nursery being walkable and our child being raised in our community. The children go out all the time around the local area and most children there will go onto the same school. We considered some others further away which had better outdoor facilities, but the quality of life downgrade from having to add a car commute in rush hour onto our day. You are clearly happy enough with the nursery to send DS there, and DH is the one who is doing the pickups and drop-offs and that's not working for him.

For me a big draw would be my kids being together, if they aren't at the same nursery they can't ever play together?

Don't underestimate how much easier the transition to school is when they go from local setting and already know half the class.

He works from home 9-5. For him, walking to drop off/pick up locally gives him a 40 min walk in the morning and evening which he enjoys vs 20 mins in the car then having to get ready and straight to work. I do understand this. It does mean he can actually be back later than he would have been if picking up DD at current nursery but the fact is he gets a walk out of it which is a good thing.

Your comment about unnecessary added stress does ring true as that’s what I feel I am adding to this for the sake of the current nursery. DH is so anti the drive that he’s said he won’t have anything to do with the drop offs at DD current nursery so I’ve said I’ll do it all and make up my working hours I’ve missed after bedtimes because it will be impossible to work my hours and do drop/pick up. If we move her however she’d just get in the pushchair with her brother and he’ll walk them both.

No it would only be 30 mins for dd as she would only do one journey each way.

I would let your dd decide OP, would she like to stay at the nursery she's at or would she like to try the one her brother is at. If she loves the nursery she's at then I'd leave her there.

I have heard that it can be quite obvious when they start school, this is another big factor driving the decision and is why I’m stalling and haven’t just plumped with keeping DD where she is. Probably the main reason why I’m still deliberating over it. She wouldn’t be starting school until 2026

They wouldn’t cross paths at nursery because of the age gap, they’d be in different rooms. But I do get your point about transition to school and already knowing a lot of the children

Crazy to add all that extra stress to your life and lose your evenings for the sake of a slightly better nursery garden that your DD won't even remember.

I went from a nursery a drive away to a walkable one and it was honestly life changing. Took so much stress away, especially this time of year with all the faff around no coats in cars.

You may love your DC being outside all the time but do they? I bet that they'd be just as happy with a mix of outdoor and indoor (especially in winter, no matter what clothes they have, would you be happy to do your job outside all day?). At this age, all the forest school/impressive outdoor space stuff is much more about selling to parents than actually being more beneficial for DC.

I think they should be together as sureky it will make your life easier. Doubt DC are going to complain there isn't montessori style things or enough space outside, they'll be too busy playing with the toys and children that are there.

I made a very similar move with my youngest. From private nursery 15 mins drive away with huge outdoor space to small community preschool, local to us with kids he would go to school with but only with a small outdoor area. At 10 he now doesn't remember preschool but he is still friends with some children he went to preschool with as they are in his year at school. My eldest started school knowing not a single child and did fine, but in that situation my youngest definitely wouldn't have managed.

Yeah it is a bit of a faff getting them in and out of the car and will add stress on my days if I’m rushing to do it all.

I suppose with the outdoor stuff I feel like they offer something that I can’t at home. Our garden isn’t great for young children, not secure and tiered, but we could invest more in it to try make it better for them.

Or you can just take them to nice outdoor spaces at the weekend when it's ok weather. I do think it's nice to have big spaces to run in sometimes but it doesn't have to be all the time