Aibu to do this

[Mistletoeandwinegums]

Here’s the backstory. DH and I are in an okay place. But little arguments have been creeping in. Nothing serious but lots of nitpicking. Children are adults.

Inlaws are due to come for the weekend next weekend. Dh organised this. I have had a hectic weekend with the adult children and got home today to the house an utter tip. The house also needs a serious deep clean. We both have commitments in the evenings this week. Dh said I could sort it all Friday. I booked Friday off to have a day for me. I enjoy wrapping all the gifts and setting my bullet journal up and it’s something I look forward to every year.

Inlaws are lovely but very quiet and I struggle with the silence. I find it awkward.

I’m thinking of booking a premier inn Friday - Sunday in the neighbouring town. I could take the gifts and wrap them, set up my planner and generally just relax. DH would never say no but I doubt he would be happy. Is this selfish of me?

Hmm it's a bit rude l think.
But he shouldn't expect you to give up your day off either.

Wouldn't they be really upset? Can't both of you clean the house Friday?

That sounds lovely.

Dh said I could sort it all Friday.
Absolutely fucking not.

In the spirit of making a bit of effort for the in-laws, as I was leaving on Friday I’d say to DH “I’ll come back for Sunday dinner to spend a couple of hours with your parents, let me know what time dinner will be ready”.

It doesn't really sound like the right thing to do no.

It depends if you are a team and you rely on his help for your parents. I was so grateful to my husband for the support he gave to my mother when my father died. He helped a lot with her garden and generally with house maintenance.
As you get older and if you plan to stay with him, you will have health scares, one in two chance of cancer etc. Having someone who supports you come what may is important.
If you are planning to leave him and you don't care, then do what you want but if at some point you might need someone on side, think about death of his affection by a hundred cuts.
As I get older, I am grateful for the chance to do people a favour ( not just my husband). Helping each other is a good and worthwhile cement that holds a relationship together.

Why was the house a tip? Who created that mess?

You have plans for Friday so no, you can't clear up.

I wouldn't book a hotel but I wouldn't be staying at home to clear up either.

I would be clear that my plan Friday is gift-wrapping. If he needs the house clear to host his family he needs to arrange that himself.

So while you've been visiting the DC's your DH has made the house an utter tip, but it's OK as you can use your valuable day off to clean the house of his mess before his DP's come?
Is he for real? It's a no obviously. How about booking the Premier Inn from Thursday evening to Saturday morning and do your wrapping, then be around for his parents. Meantime he can choose to put in some cleaning effort or not. If they are quiet people, they probably won't comment on the state of the house anyway. But if anything is said just say DH didn't get around to it, and you've been away.

Just treat as you hope to be treated. You can't leave him to it and expect a favour in return.
It is like MN bangs on about marriage being shared money and shared assets. Don't help but don't expect help from him.

Does he move to a hotel when your parents visit? If yes, then feel free to do the same.

Can't you both clean the house throughout the week?. How bad can it be?. Or hire a cleaner for a one-off deep clean. I think staying elsewhere would be very rude and make the in-laws feel very unwelcome.

Why can't he do some the cleaning?

I think it would be ok to say 'I'm out Friday' and go and do your planner. The rest depends on how much you want to shock dhs system - it's not wrong, but it is potentially quite shaming. If you are going to not be back until Saturday sometime, and you like in laws, I would also share a message with him and them to say 'I'm away for my day off, a plan I have had for a while, but look forward to dinner on Saturday.' I do get the background to this, the male expectation that you will sort it, for him and his family, and the societal expectation that if it's not done it will reflect badly on you not him.
Be clear what you are not going to do, and what you are not going to be there for. Tell him today.

@Runskiyoga
But the OP runs the risk of alienating her husband when she wants a favour. Things are rarely black and white and generally wives and husbands support each other's families. There would be a very different reaction I suspect if a wife was hoping for support from her husband when her parents visited. There was a recent thread on here where a man was doing a diy job painting a room in the house. His MIL called and though he shouted hello he did not go down to greet his mother in law. His wife was furious and so were most posters who thought he was rude. MN generally sends a message about not helping within laws and step children but has a completely different view if it is the woman's partner being slighted.
There are often complaints on MN that some widowed men re-marry very quickly. I suspect in those cases their wives have never been overly kind and they are together out of habit rather than real affection.
I would always help my husband because I know he would help me.

I would do it.

I think he’s very, very wrong for expecting you to spend YOUR day off cleaning up mess HE made, ready for a visit from HIS parents. That expectation from him is disgusting to me.

However I do think just taking yourself off for a weekend is a bit weird, but I don’t know… is that the kind of thing you and your husband would normally do?

Id find a middle ground. Absolutely DO NOT do a jot of cleaning or house prep on Friday, do your journal, your wrapping, your relaxing. Make it very clear to him that this is your plan. But be present at the weekend with his parents, although expect him to do all the cooking and planning the itinary.

Yes I think that would be rude, you can suffer your in-laws for a weekend right?
As for the cleaning yes DH should do the bulk of it but it is your house too, you should help. Can't you both tackle it an hour a day over the week? How dirty can it be?!
Or even try and book in a one off clean with a cleaning company? They do Christmas cleans. Probably cheaper than a weekend in a premier inn.

@Mistletoeandwinegums its not even 6pm now. I would be telling DH to start tidying and cleaning tonight. Even a couple of hours would make a difference.

Don't go to a hotel.
Don't do the cleaning on your Friday.
Tell DH you and he can do the cleaning together in the evenings. Don't lift a finger unless he makes a start, and stop when he stops.

OR, just let DH host them with a filthy house. You have to decide you don't care if they silently judge you.