Would you want to stay in touch with this friend?

[Leavealightonformehey]

Met twenty odd years ago at work, good friendship for a couple of years, they moved away, invited me to stay a year or two later. Went to stay and overheard her say to her dh ‘What do you do if you’re not sure if you like someone anymore?’ (Talking about me) also heard her him call me ‘A bit chunky now’ (I was size 12)
She then came to stay nearby a few years later and I saw her but then had excruciating kidney stones, she was upset we didn’t spend more time together (I was in bed vomiting, she said she could have come and sat with me-I don’t like anyone near me when that ill)
A few years later, she stayed a short plane ride away from me, I said I could fly over, we could meet up etc, she made no effort and sort of ignored it until home and it was too late. I’ve tried to keep some contact over the years, by messaging etc, she rarely initiates, which I understand as we’re far away, but we haven’t spoken/messaged really for years.
Would you remain in contact and see her?

Come on now. Incredibly odd?

You must have at least come across women before that are unaware they’ve been brought up to be people pleasers and need a bit of help unpicking that?

No, the friendship would've ended years ago! She doesn't even live nearby.

Yes, i’m not sure how my question is incredibly odd??

To her, we’re still friends and she’s coming a long way and is excited to meet up…i’m not, I adored her back when we were young (she still had her moments though as is complicated and I had to forgive a couple of things) but we were good friends. I don’t want us to fall out and spoil that memory, if I don’t meet up, I know that she definitely would fall out with me

no, definitely not

The friendship should’ve been done and dusted as soon as you heard her saying she doesn’t like you and making a nasty comment on your appearance! I’ve cut people out for less, so no, I wouldn’t want want to stay in touch with her, she is no ‘friend’.

But why would she always be so desperate to meet up? Perhaps it was a throwaway comment

Who knows. Does it matter? She’s clearly not a good friend.

I now cut off people who treat me bad as I've gotten older. A so called friend stood me up and kept messaging me to say she was running late. She never showed up. Then a couple of months ago (after not speaking to her for 18 months, she wanted to add me on Facebook. I just removed her request). We all need two-way reciprocal friendship. If someone makes you feel bad, and can't support you at your lowest point in your life then it's kinder on you to cut them off.

I wouldn't bother with her but I'm not sentimental about people so if they do something I don't like I walk away and never think about them again.

Not everyone is like that so if you are in two minds maybe meet her briefly and play it by ear.

Hard no

What does it matter if she seems ecstatic she does not treat you in the way you deserve to be treated and that is all you need to know!

stop trying so hard to seething from others sides.

look at your relationships with an honest eye. Do they respect you and treat you nicely if not then they don’t deserve a place it really is that simple!

it doesn’t matter how you feel about them all that matters is if you are treated well. It might hurt to let them go but once it’s over the people you have left will feed you rather than emotionally feed from you.

Let it go - nothing to add but they would be nothing to me by now. I've shed and been shed a thousand times, life's too short to waste time wondering about people like this IMO.

Don't beg to be in anyone's life. If it's not 50/50, then it tells you all you need to know. I think a lot of people think it's their fault. People change (and get way selfish). Personally speaking, if she's still with that two-faced rat who dissed you why would you want to rekindle any friendship with her?

I don’t want us to fall out and spoil that memory, if I don’t meet up, I know that she definitely would fall out with me

Then it seems like you’ve got two choices. Either meet up with her to avoid losing the friendship altogether, or claim you’re busy and take the risk that she ditches you.

It comes down to this - do you want to keep the friendship alive for the sake of happy memories more than you don’t want to meet up with her right now?