To not want DS to go to the party

[PleaseSortItOut2025]

DS is 6. He's being picked on/bullied at school. Some dominant boys in particular are v unkind to him, hitting him, running away from him. School is being okay-ish.

There is a class party coming up. DS says he wants to go maybe but is unsure.

I don't think we should go. DS loves being at home with us at the weekends and he has 5 days a week dealing with this dynamic where hes being teased, left out, hit. DH says I'm letting him "run away" and disengage/retreat and he needs to be at all the parties and not be cowardly.

What do ppl think? AIBU to not want to go to kids parties while this is going on. We went to a party a couple of weeks ago and DS wanted to go home and cried on my lap a lot.

Is your son (possibly) neurodivergent? Just a consideration because if so then that would lend weight to the stay at home and avoid sensory/social overload approach. If he has real friends at the party and wants to go I would take him. If he has no friends at the party and the bullies will be there I would not. I hope you're having stern words with the school about the bullying situation - it's their responsibility to stop this.

Is it a parents stay party, or a drop off?

No I totally disagree with your DH on this

he does NOT need to be at the party

there will be loads of opportunities for him to make REAL, GENUINE friendships as he gets older - he’s not ‘running away’ from anything !

imo school is unrealistic- I’m not in touch with anyone from my school - I didn’t like the

typical demographic who went to my school
I didn’t like the kids parents
the vast majority of the teachers

in adulthood my relationships have been a very different demographic to my school

my school can get in the bin !!

I think that school really need to get to the bottom of what is going on. I think I'd be inclined for this party to tell your child what a shame we can't go, we already have plans that day to XYZ (go to the cinema, go bowling, go on a day out) but next time we can go. Don't make your child think it's because you're worried about the social side just give it a chance for school issues to settle.

Is the party kid one of the bullies? If yes, don't go.

If not and its parents staying, I would take him. He wants to go and you'll be there to keep an eye on him.

I’d maybe just wait until the weekend or morning of the party. See how he feels.
If he fancies going then at least you’ll be there and can keep an eye on the usual suspects.
If he doesn’t fancy it you could explain he is feeling unwell, let the parents know and have a nice day together instead.

The party isn't really the issue though is it? You need to deal with the school situation and not let it drag on. Its awful that he is living in fear. Have you read the thread about teaching DC to fight back or not?

You are not being unreasonable at all. This happened to my grandson who is the same age. Why, at the tender age of 6, does he have to deal with this on one of his precious
two days of safety and security ? He is only 6 and that is why you should protect him.

Your DS says he wants to go, so you should support him in going. Presumably he’s only unsure due to the potential for further bullying to occur at the party, so you should be ready to step in if you witness anything untoward. I don’t think it’s particularly helpful to keep him away and further separate him from his friends/other children in the class, it just allows bullies to ostracise him further.

I often ask if I can stay for the party, as my son was a bit nervous when he was the same age as your son. He's only six! I never had anyone say no, you can't stay! So it might be a good opportunity for you to stick around and see what the other children are like? What the dynamic is between the children, who is teasing your son. It's not on that he has to put up with this at school, by the way!

Otherwise, no I don't think your husband is right - there is no need for your son to go to the party if he doesn't want to. I know loads of children whose parents politely decline and don't send their children to parties that they're not keen on.