Husband not very interested, or am I asking for too much?

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I'm married to a lovely man, he is a good husband and father however what irritates me incredibly is the fact that he doesn't seem to get particularly interested in me. As in, when we get up, he doesn't really ask how have you slept? How are you today? Etc I've recently had a promotion at work and now work school hours and do all activity planning, childcare etc round it but he has not asked once How are you doing with it?, or even "I am proud of you for getting promoted!" I've told him before that this brothers me and he always seems completely surprised by this, I wonder if this is just not in his nature. But surely he could make the effort and ask more if he knows that's important to me?

Otherwise he's very good, does housework, and some school pick ups, and is caring. But this is more and more frustrating for me and I'm starting to wonder if I'm asking for too much??

I don’t think I’ve ever asked someone how have they slept. Some people show their love in other ways, like acts of service.

All depends what type of person he is, i mean was he ever like this? Did your relationship start off with him being ever attentive, always asking if you were OK, if you'd slept well, if you'd enjoyed the drive over, if you'd enjoyed the day out? Or is this something that has always been "missing",

If its always been "missing" then it's likely that your want just isn't how this man operates. Different people act differently, show affection/love differently.

What is his love language? You married the man, what is he like? In your OP you question whether it's in his nature, surely you know something about his nature?

We ask in our house but it's a definitive ask to allow us spend some time at the dinner table to destress after work, hearing about each other's day. However my DH was always like this, always asking if I'm OK, he doesn't however tell me routinely "how proud " he is of me, you got a promotion, the routine one for this is "well done, go you! let's celebrate!" Not gushings of how proud.

I don't think dh and I have ever asked each other how we slept, and we've been happily married for 20 years! Also we tend to just talk about how our day has gone, rather than waiting to be asked. Maybe that's the way he expects the conversation to happen, rather than specifically asking?

Happily married in our 30s and I can say I have never asked or wanted to be asked how I slept 😁 he brings me coffee the mornings he's not at work and the mornings he is he will leave cup spoon out and kettle full..as for these rest it's a convo all day not questions...for example last month he came in and said I got the new job I applied for and I responded lovely that will be fun then we have a convo no questions needed

I know what you mean OP. I often ask DH how he slept or how he's feeling or tell him he did something well, and he hardly ever does the same for me! It doesn't bother me though, he shows he loves me in lots of other ways. I do think that people have different ways of expressing their feelings.

Is he someone who just doesn't see the point in small talk?

I never ask DP how she slept, because I know. She's been lying next to me all night, and Im light enough of a sleeper that I know whether shes had a good night's sleep or not. I also know without asking how work went, whether she's getting migraine, if she's in a bad mood etc.

So if I see her coming through the door with her migraine frown on, then I'll go upstairs and make sure the bed is clear for her, and turn all the lights off. Or if I can tell she's had a bad day, then I'll get the kettle on and stop whatever I'm up to so she can spend a good 15 mins unloading etc.

Nope, not questions I ask my DH

Sounds normal to me

It only bothers me if I've had a tough week, like three weeks ago(a death, more caring responsibilities because of it, GC off school through illness, I'm childcare, a load of parcels to pick up from different places and things generally going wrong). We did have words the other week because I could have done with him asking if I'm ok and fitting me in a bit more. I do all of the cooking because of his disabilities and I needed a break (even if it's lunch/tea at Weatherspoons and him making the coffee). Other than that, it wouldn't bother me. He asks about sleep because I made deal breakers about Sleep Apnea and a CPAP machine.

The only time I've asked my DH how he slept WA ls id he was unwell or had an injury the day before.

But I get that you want your DH to show you some individual attention and care.

Does he do other things to show he's thinking of you such as make you a drink of tea or coffee in the mornings, share memes or videos throughout the day, tell you funny stories from his day that he's remembered because he knew you'd find it funny?

I think people are going to focus on the first part of your OP and say you’re unreasonable - I think it’s quite unusual to ask the person you share a bed with how they slept, every morning.

However it is an issue if he doesn’t take an interest in your activities or how your day at work was or what you did with the children etc, or not telling you he’s proud of you. My husband tells me he’s proud of me all the time for much more minor things than getting promoted.

DH didn't ask me anything for the first 25 years of our relationship. He assumes if I have anything to tell him about me or my day, I'll tell him. Like you I thought it showed a lack of interest, until I accepted that was just him. He works away most weeks now, so does ask now when he's home as he misses out on a lot of family life. I've always felt loved. He just expresses differently to me.

Read the five love languages. You want to be loved in a certain way. Your DH may be different.

From your description of your DH outside of this issue it sounds like he’s a good, kind and caring husband. Do you know that you’re loved and cared for by his actions even if he’s not asking the ‘right’ questions? If so then I’m guessing that he’s someone who doesn’t need lots of verbal care himself as long as he can see by what you do that you love him? If that’s the case these questions and words of affirmation that are important to you just might not be occurring to him.

It also sounds like you have some quite specific requirements in this area and that you’re using those things as a benchmark for his level of interest in you. You may be judging him unfairly in that his interest in you could be high but it’s not expressed in the way you’d prefer. Definitely have a conversation about it but you may well have to meet in the middle on what is realistic.

My DH is good on checking in to see how I am if he can see that I’m stressed/tired/worried etc but if things seem ok and I’m just my normal self I don’t think it would occur to him to ask how I’m feeling or if I’d slept ok and I wouldn’t really expect him to. He doesn’t often use the words ‘I’m proud of you’ very often either, but I know that he is by the ‘just between us’ smile he gives me when I’ve done something out of the ordinary, or by the way I overhear him tell his mum ‘CountryGirl did a great presentation the other day..’ etc etc. It’s his way of expressing pride even if it’s not explicitly said.

Can he read your body language well enough to know when you’re down or stressed and then step up to show care in some way? If you have that then you’re probably on to a good thing. If he doesn’t notice things like that then you really do need a bit more work on it together.