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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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11 replies

itiswhatitisxx · 08/12/2024 00:07

Aibu to end a relationship if my boyfriend hasn't said he loves me? And if I ever bring up feelings etc he just doesn't like it, almost like he's quite avoidant.

Back story: dated for a year, said he loved me within a few months, his actions matched so didn't doubt it. Looking back was probably very quick him saying it. He ended it out of nowhere, didn't know what he wanted etc.
a few months later came back said it was a massive mistake blah blah blah, did make a massive effort and gave it another go.
His effort defo dipped when I called him out on stuff or wanted to talk about previous issues to put them to bed, a few big arguments which we got through but his said he hopes one day he'll fall in love with me but isn't there now. Have been dating again 8 months.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 08/12/2024 00:14

Dump and block. He sounds a bit half-hearted.

HardlyLikely · 08/12/2024 00:45

It’s really not meant to be this hard, OP. Tell him his half-hearted best efforts aren’t cutting the mustard.

Ph3 · 08/12/2024 00:56

I have to agree with previous posters. I think the beginning of a relationship is meant to be the easy bit - this does not sound like it.

Gymnopedie · 08/12/2024 02:35

Don't give him the power by waiting to see what he does. Take control and end it.

When you split he thought he'd find someone else. Nobody wanted him so he talked you into taking him back. He's still keeping his options open. Don't settle for a few crumbs, tell him to do one.

PerambulationFrustration · 08/12/2024 02:37

It sounds like you're convenient at the moment, good enough for now but as soon as someone else comes along, he'll be off.
Best call it off now.

Monty27 · 08/12/2024 04:36

What are you waiting for? Dump him for good.

FetchezLaVache · 08/12/2024 04:42

One of the red flags I wish I could warn my younger self against is the man who declares love very early on, but then just as quickly stops saying it. Honestly, no good can come of pursuing any such man. The not saying it speaks much the louder, in my experience.

Copperoliverbear · 08/12/2024 06:14

Dump & Block
Using you until he thinks he finds the one.

Catza · 08/12/2024 08:29

You've dated him for the best part of two years and he still hopes he will fall in love with you? He is either emotionally unavailable (due to past experiences, perhaps) or he is blatantly using you. Either way, it's not a good idea to prolong the inevitable. I am speaking from experience.

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 08/12/2024 08:39

He will never love you
He may never love anyone
Either way, it's not personal, but the longer you hang around waiing for him to fall head-over-heels in love, the less happy you will be and the more he will string you along

StormingNorman · 08/12/2024 09:55

FetchezLaVache · 08/12/2024 04:42

One of the red flags I wish I could warn my younger self against is the man who declares love very early on, but then just as quickly stops saying it. Honestly, no good can come of pursuing any such man. The not saying it speaks much the louder, in my experience.

This is such good advice. Every woman should get this memo on their 16th birthday.

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