Bear with me…
Just before Covid arrived, our little boy was born with a significant medical condition. As a result, with him just two weeks old, after emergency survey, stay in PICU, discussions about life expectancy and all other awful things you don’t ever expect to go through, we went into lockdown, and we had to shield. It was awful.
Come summer, yes, we were slightly less cautious like most people, but still lived our lives by keeping little one well.
My husbands birthday arrived, and I came home to find two of his relatives in the house, not wearing a mask. I know the memory of wearing masks seems odd now, but at the time, this is what the medical team advised.
I was cross, walked in probably quite aggressively (annoyed at my husband for not addressing this with them), and then went back out the house. I may have said hi, I can’t remember.
The next day, the family member telephoned my husband to say she thought I’d been rude. I took over in the phone call to explain I apologised if she felt like that, asked if she’d ever just been so anxious that all logic left your head etc etc. I explained I was calming trying to explain and had no intention of arguing with her. I had phrases like ‘I’m calmer than I’d like to be’, ‘you’ve never been polite to us’ and ‘I do know what it’s like to have a sick child’ said to me. She has no children.
Roll on three years later, during which my husband has not had a lot of contact with them, but has received texts asking him if he and our kids would like to call by to collect Xmas/bday presents. I am specifically not referenced.
We are now facing a situation where they have bought pantomime tickets for my daughter to go, without mentioning it to us. It’s just expected she will go. No ‘are you okay with that, is she even free to go’. She is now not going to get to see my baby nephew who she adores, who live a 6 hour drive away, and are here for one day, as this is the same day as the pantomime.
I let it go last year, as I don’t want her to miss out. I’ve seen a text stating they have also bought tickets for my son to go next year. No asking if this is okay, will he even enjoy it. This will be a disaster as he runs off all the time, (there are some ADHD traits) and I’m not prepared for him to go into a busy city centre without myself or husband.
So..what do I do? They already clearly hate me, but I’m so hurt that they wouldnt even ask if it’s convenient, and nor if it’s even suitable for my son given his medical condition. This in itself illustrates how little they recognise about his medial needs.
For context, my husband knows he should have addressed this at the time, and says he knows he’s messed up. He suffers with anxiety/depression, largely stemming from the relationship he has with his family, and I can see the panic on his face when we start to talk about it. I don’t want him to feel worried, but I feel completely walked all over, and so disrespected.
I have suggested he speak with his Dad (the relatives I am referring to are on his mums side) and explain he needs some help.
Please help.