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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decide that I don’t wish to return

41 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 07/12/2024 19:04

I have made a tough but necessary decision, to not return to work for the final 2 weeks of my notice period. I work in education and I had an incident happen on Thursday and it was so bad I had to pick up my bags and go early. I won’t detail it here as I think it would be too obvious. But I didn’t go in on Friday either because I was left quite upset by the response.

I spend the day talking to friends and discussing options. I really wanted to tell my students I was going but I never had the chance. I wanted to leave it to the last week. Due to the nature of the incident. I’ve decided I’m not feeling up to returning and I feel weird about it but it’s a necessary decision and spoke to my go on Friday morning and obtained a fit note. Am I making a bad choice doing this? The incident wasnt nice ( not really awful but just something no one should need to put up with) what should I do?

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/12/2024 21:31

If some children witness the incident and others saw you cry afterwards, then they are told you are going now and not coming back, word will get round and the students will know.

don’t go in, but if you are feeling bad for the students, spend some time this week writing really good handover notes for the incoming teacher.

don’t try to reach out to them or contact parents, that would be unprofessional. Do you have another school lined up for the new year?

Catsnap · 07/12/2024 21:37

I wouldn’t reach out to them tbh. It’s the holidays soon and children move on really fast. There may be rumours or whatever, but if you are leaving anyway, then it doesn’t matter.

Bobbybobbins · 07/12/2024 21:42

I am a teacher and although it is difficult, I wouldn't reach out. Look after yourself. The kids will appreciate you even if you don't get in touch now.

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 07/12/2024 21:44

Bobbybobbins · 07/12/2024 21:42

I am a teacher and although it is difficult, I wouldn't reach out. Look after yourself. The kids will appreciate you even if you don't get in touch now.

Yes, the incident was pretty unkind and the school were becoming increasingly difficult since I handed my notice in. So I just figured, maybe it’s time to move on sooner than I anticipated

OP posts:
Proseccoh · 07/12/2024 21:50

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/12/2024 21:31

If some children witness the incident and others saw you cry afterwards, then they are told you are going now and not coming back, word will get round and the students will know.

don’t go in, but if you are feeling bad for the students, spend some time this week writing really good handover notes for the incoming teacher.

don’t try to reach out to them or contact parents, that would be unprofessional. Do you have another school lined up for the new year?

Handover notes sound like a great idea; it'll give the new teacher a good chance to understand the children and make the transition much smoother, which will benefit the children. I would definitely not attempt to get any message through, it's really inappropriate. It may be too fresh for you to see, and I mean this kindly, but it sounds like you want to get your point over, when it may not be in the children's best interests. Would you be doing it for them or for you? Children are usually very resilient and will just adapt to the changes. If you have safeguarding or any other concerns that is something entirely different. And you might benefit from some kind of therapy/counselling, as whatever happened clearly has brought up issues for you in some way. Look after you. The kids will be fine.

Supersimkin7 · 07/12/2024 22:06

OP, you can’t get the closure you want on this job cos you’ve taken two weeks off instead.

Accept it and have a rest.

Bar the inevitable ribald gossip about you for a bit, you’ll be forgotten by the New Year.

They’ll move on and you can both start the new year afresh.

Timetoread · 07/12/2024 22:06

YANBU for not returning but I think YABU for fussing so much about not telling the kids, honestly they’ll be fine. You could always ask a colleague to tell them that you were going to leave at the end of term anyway and now you are unwell or just had to leave sooner but want to pass on your best wishes for their future. Do not apologise or try to reach out directly to them or their parents. And remember, it is a job after all!

ItsBehindYouSequinsAndStilettos · 07/12/2024 22:11

I'd send a message via a trusted support member (TA/LSA) especially if it was your form/a primary class or a GCSE class.
I'd also happily read out such a message on behalf of a colleague.
but I'm a rebel

SD1978 · 07/12/2024 22:11

We've had teachers disappear off at the end of term- I can promise that the kids won't care- which is why you need to do what you need to do for you- you're the o my one concerned and you are needing to protect yourself. They'll be fine and have no lingering questions and move on.

ItsBehindYouSequinsAndStilettos · 07/12/2024 22:14

The kids will move on, for sure. No one is irreplaceable. But it is a nice thing to say goodbye and wish the nice ones luck for the future. Children form bonds and attachments and nobody likes being left unread/feel like they've just been left in the lurch. OP seems a decent person and deserves closure too.

Bessica1970 · 07/12/2024 22:16

But are you actually sick?
If so YANBU, but some of your sentences imply you just think it would be easier to leave now.

If so YABU, your classes will have crap supply teachers, or your colleagues will have to cover your lessons in what is already a difficult couple of weeks.

you genuinely think your mental health is such that you can’t go in, then my apologies.

Scissor · 07/12/2024 22:24

Supersimkin7 · 07/12/2024 22:06

OP, you can’t get the closure you want on this job cos you’ve taken two weeks off instead.

Accept it and have a rest.

Bar the inevitable ribald gossip about you for a bit, you’ll be forgotten by the New Year.

They’ll move on and you can both start the new year afresh.

Where has there been any mention of sex for this to be ribald gossip??
Please allow the poster to end this part of their career with compassion, they obviously care for their students.. At no point has this been a mention of any misconduct on their part

MellersSmellers · 07/12/2024 23:18

Bessica1970 · 07/12/2024 22:16

But are you actually sick?
If so YANBU, but some of your sentences imply you just think it would be easier to leave now.

If so YABU, your classes will have crap supply teachers, or your colleagues will have to cover your lessons in what is already a difficult couple of weeks.

you genuinely think your mental health is such that you can’t go in, then my apologies.

I'm not a teacher, and you haven't given much in the way of details of this "unkind" incident other than it made you cry. But really, can't you grit your teeth and do the last two weeks? You are an adult professional and they are children after all.
Like the other PP, if you are in serious distress or anxiety then I'd understanding you wanting out early.

Barney16 · 08/12/2024 06:55

If the doctor has signed you off sick then that's what you should do. Only you know how you truly feel. Children are resilient and it's coming up to Christmas and all the associated mayhem and they may well wonder where you are but it won't be anything more than that. You aren't getting closure in the usual teachers way, saying good bye to your class or classes but sometimes that's just the way it is.

Sticklebrrick · 08/12/2024 07:38

I get it OP. I taught for 16 years and I would have been very sad to leave withput a goodbye....especially mid year. When I did leave schools my GCSE and A Level students were always sad as you do build a bond with them. Some still email me now to keep me up to date with their progress in life and I was even mentioned in someone's head student speech as "the first teacher who had ever believed in me". These things mean so much to me and make me think I must have been a good teacher.

Having said all that it has taken me two plus years out of the classroom to see what a difficult profession it is. You identify as a teacher above all else, it is exhausting and often feels thankless mostly because so much is expected from your goodwill and the concept of it as a vocation. You do stuff "for the kids" all the time and the you look after your own family with the tiny little bit of energy remaining. I've also realised a lot of school/members of staff can be cliquey and bitchy.

You have to weigh up the short term discomfort of going back in but getting the chanceto say goodbye to classes OR accepting you aren't going back but will have the sadness and guilt of "abandoning" classes without saying goodbye. If you choose the latter please, please dont torture yourself with it.

Are you starting in a new school or doing something else? Xx

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 08/12/2024 07:44

Sticklebrrick · 08/12/2024 07:38

I get it OP. I taught for 16 years and I would have been very sad to leave withput a goodbye....especially mid year. When I did leave schools my GCSE and A Level students were always sad as you do build a bond with them. Some still email me now to keep me up to date with their progress in life and I was even mentioned in someone's head student speech as "the first teacher who had ever believed in me". These things mean so much to me and make me think I must have been a good teacher.

Having said all that it has taken me two plus years out of the classroom to see what a difficult profession it is. You identify as a teacher above all else, it is exhausting and often feels thankless mostly because so much is expected from your goodwill and the concept of it as a vocation. You do stuff "for the kids" all the time and the you look after your own family with the tiny little bit of energy remaining. I've also realised a lot of school/members of staff can be cliquey and bitchy.

You have to weigh up the short term discomfort of going back in but getting the chanceto say goodbye to classes OR accepting you aren't going back but will have the sadness and guilt of "abandoning" classes without saying goodbye. If you choose the latter please, please dont torture yourself with it.

Are you starting in a new school or doing something else? Xx

Can I dm you instead?

OP posts:
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