AIBU to not be gushingly grateful

[AlliBallyBoo]

What's people's thoughts on someone doing something unsolicited and then demanding participation and lots of gratitude etc when it's done.

Think about simple things like making a cake for a pop round visit of family and being upset when someone doesn't take a slice

Or making dinner and being upset that someone doesn't completely clear their plate and ask for more

Or making a cup of coffee and being annoyed it's left to go cold.

These types of things are always met with thanks but not gushing gratitude

Things like, "oh, thanks for making dinner it's really nice but I'm full"

"Or I'll pass on a slice of cake but thanks for offering"

My DP seems to be a bit of a martyr for these types of gestures where he does something off his own back without asking if someone wants then expects participation, gratitude etc and is hurt/goes in a little bit of a sulk if people don't

Churlish of the recipient - a lot of people would love an unexpected kindness.

Sour types are usually pretty mean themselves, and are prob petrified they’ll have to respond in kind.

Suggest DP finds better quality friends.

I voted YANBU but we all show love differently and an understanding tolerance for foibles is the basis of most relationships so I’d try and appreciate it and respond with warmth as much as possible

I don’t really get what you’re complaining about. 🥴

Who isn’t gushing gratitude?? (Can’t get past that weird expression 😀)

Well, I'm grateful, say thanks but don't fawn over the gesture and him with repeated vocal gratitude.

Thanks and acknowledgement of the effort never seems to be enough and it's a bit exhausting.

Is it a bit like when a bloke does the washing up 'for you' and wants loads of pats on the head for it?

I'd have to go the other way and be so dramatically over the top with my gratitude that I'm literally throwing myself weeping at his feet with thanks lol seriously though that would do my head in, my Stepmum was a martyr and it's draining!
I'd also play him at his own game and make him a cuppa and then wail and cry and threaten divorce because he didn't show appropriate gratitude!

Edited to add; write him thank you notes for EVERY LITTLE THING he does. Basically show him how ridiculous he's being and that actually saying (and meaning) thank you is actually enough for the examples you've mentioned

I was trying to find the words to say this. You have put it perfectly.

I think it depends. When dh does something that's par for the course, e.g washing up or tidying the house, I say thanks and tell him I appreciate it, but that's it.
If he does something unexpected like baking a cake, I would make an effort to have a slice and compliment him because I know it means a lot to him. But I get what you mean - it spoils a nice gesture to be a sulky baby when people don't respond the way you want.

if you do something for someone because you genuinely want to do something for them like make a cake and then they say they don’t really feel like eating it, you would empathise with that response, not make it all about you and what you did and needing the gratification for the cake. To require gratitude rather than empathise is narcissistic