Has accepting an apology gone out of fashion

[spanieleyes22]

Do you generally accept an apology from a friend? I'm just seeing more and more on Tik tok and insta and even on here the advice that if someone offends you even if they apologize you should cut them out of your life rather than try and resolve and argument. Maybe it's the way I was brought up in a religious house it used to be all about Forgive one another. And my parents I don't think they ever fell out with anyone . There might be disagreements or arguments but they were always resolved. Seems to be a trend now though to cut people out literally block them and "delete" them from your life. So many threads on being ghosted on here. I'm
Wondering is it a backlash. We seem
Not to value resolution of conflict any more . The advice seems to be to dump
People rather than try and sort things out? Does anyone else
Notice this

I think it depends on the apology.

A proper apology to me acknowledges the bad behaviour and the upset it's caused, shows that the person is geninuely sorry and that they wil try to do better in the future.

I think people realising that half hearted apologies (e.g. of the "I'm sorry if I upset you" variety) don't have to be accepted, or that people don't have to be forgiven just for saying sorry but making no particular effort to change their behaviour, is quite a positive thing really.

I was brought up in a family where I was taught that you just had to forgive everyone regardless. It didn't mean that disagreements were resolved, and the people behaving badly had license to continue to do so.

Depends what you are apologising for.

Sorry is only useful if you genuinely didn’t mean to hurt the person or were trying to do the right thing or you argued over something where there is no right answer. Or whatever. Some misunderstanding, miscommunication, minor loss of good humour due to stress.

But these days, people think they can excuse all sorts with apologies. And some things can’t be excused. So that’s when the cut them off advice comes.

You have to draw the line.

Apologies aren't magic words that wipe away all upset, anger and sadness. You can't unsay things
most apologies are meaningless and manipulative in any case.

fine:
Sorry I bumped into you, hope you’re ok

not fine:
Sorry I cheated on you, let’a forgive and forget.

Not fine:
Sorry that you feel that way [I don’t care and won’t change]
sorry you are upset about that [I don’t care]

I wouldn't take my guidance from tiktok tbh

I think you're oversimplifying things and being naive. An apology is saying sorry, actually taking accountability for actions and changing behaviours moving forward. A lot of the time this is not what actually happens. No one is owed forgiveness, if people chose to forgive they can.
As for religion, all I'll say is that "forgiveness" has been used as a caveat to escape all sorts of behaviours and no one should feel like they need to forgive anyone.

You can't possibly generalise: it depends on what the action being apologised for is and how the apology is delivered.

If someone has failed to return your messages for a week and you don't accept their apology, yes you're being petty.

If someone has murdered your sibling or cheated with your spouse, not so much.

In the immortal words of LC- I forgive you, now I want to forget you.

My mother would have taught me that in her time, forgiveness meant forgetting the indiscretion, again, and again and again. And feck that. Her code now would be manage your expectations of people, don't expect more than they're capable of. If the expectation is too low or if they don't meet your expectations re-evaluate the relationship.

It depends what the apology is for somethings can't be forgiven no matter how much someone apologies.

depends what it is. I have an aunt who has really really hurt me by something she did last year and she could arrive at my door with the biggest apology she’s ever meant and I’d still tell her to do one.

I don't imagine any of the abuse survivors will accept Justin Welbeys apology for his appalling resignation speech in the House of Lords - he said the person most in need of sympathy was his diary secretary for all the events they had to cancel, not the hundreds of boys sadistically abused by a man that Welby knew to be an abuser whose abuses were covered up by the Church.

A real apology needs humility, and this seems to be beyond Welby.

Yes that's was unreal wasn't it.