Christmas presents

[hulahops88]

My sister is in a domestic abusive relationship but chooses to stay with the women!

They have 2 young girls!

They have spent £40 on both of them for Christmas

But then told me they had a blow out and spent £45 on a take away and £20 on sweets - and I just feel what a waste of money and if you can't afford presents for the kids - don't buy take aways and sweets!

AIBU

Do parents need to spend lots on Christmas? If they're young they won't know any better.

I'd be more concerned if it's a pattern of behaviour neglecting their DC, alongside the abuse of course.

They have a 8 year old child who does notice that they get a lot less!

Doesn't even get a stocking or elf on the shelf!

Yeah you're right, your sister is a terrible person. You, on the other hand, are a shining tower of light and love in a cruel world. If only she could be more like you...

I have a friend, who is a great parent, that has only ever brought her girls one gift they really want for Christmas or birthdays. Kids are now older teens and have a great relationship with parents. She just didn’t want Christmas and birthdays to be really consumerist.

how many presents you buy doesn’t make you a better parent. As her sister I’d be more concerned about why she chooses to stay in an abusive relationship than what she’s buying her kids for Christmas.

but they did buy presents for the girls 🤔

It sounds awful and they can't manage their money unfortunately.
It's fine to spend that money if your saving for Christmas and have money set aide for occasional take aways.
Op are you able to do anything nice for them for Xmas? Pp is correct, Xmas isn't all about presents but have they made house look nice, create a warm glowing festive atmosphere

I wonder how we managed to survive childhood without elf on a shelf - miraculous really

Neither of my children get stockings or elf on the shelf, it’s not a marker of neglect. Nor is parents choosing to buy sweets and takeaways over big Christmas presents - might not be what I’d do, but it’s not a welfare concern in itself.

The actual issue is that these children are living in a home with domestic abuse happening - which is abusive to them. That is worth reporting to their school and social services. But don’t bring elf on the shelf into it.

My kids have never had a stocking or elf on the shelf. Quick, call the authorities.

The issue here is being in an abusive relationship, not the Christmas present budget.