My ex was involved with social services.
The issues highlighted were cocaine use, taking cocaine with her new partner in the car then directly afterwards picking my child up and her new partner driving with the car over capacity and my child sat on my ex's lap not strapped in.
That was in march. In May social services stepped it down to a support worker due to no evidence this was ongoing.
The stepdown plan states the following..
My ex needs to ensure that her and her new partner are not both using substances at the same time if the children are present.
My ex needs to ensure that her parenting capacity is not affected, she is alert and still able to make safe decisions for the children.
If the above is not possible, my ex needs to ensure the children are being cared for by someone safe.
My ex under no circumstances should be allowing the children to travel in a car with anyone driving under the influence of substances.
My ex had told social services she had never taken drugs whilst the children were in her care.
She told them that she didnt even take cocaine anymore, she just 'dabbled' for a short period.
Since the stepdown plan she has repeatedly told me that both her and her new partner would pass a drug test.
I have my child 3 days a week, friday to monday.
In September my ex decided she wanted one weekend per month with him.
I asked her to take a drug test, she refused.
I took her to mediation.
Today was our first session after our MIAM.
She said that her solicitor advised her that she doesnt need to take a test under any circumstances due to the fact that the people around her.. support worker and TAF meetings etc have expressed no concerns with her ability to care for the children.
She has never been drug tested, however she did say that she has had issues with cocaine in the past but she hadnt taken any for 4 months now.
She refused a test regardless.
I have text messages of her partner having it dropped off at her home, her neighbours and his address so i know she is taking it, and that he is, i strongly suspected she is an addict.. i know for certain he is. That is why i asked for testing.
She has shown willingness to disregard my childs safety before and theres a strong probability that this is ongoing. I am trying to minimise the impact her drug use will have on him by having him weekends because i believe she is less likely to be consuming as much on weekdays due to her having to get up for school etc, but more likely on weekends when she hasnt, and hes off work, and other people who also take it will be more likely to be present.
After her refusal today i believe i am correct. She certainly is an addict. I made it clear that i dont have an issue with recreational use away from the children, only addiction. She still refused.
My concern is this. Do i take this to court or not??
She wants one weekend a month and for holiday days to be split rather than me having more days than her like i have been doing.
I dont want this due to her drug use but if no concerns over her parenting ability have been expressed by social services and her support worker etc.. does it matter if she is an addict or not?
Even if the judge does drug test her and it is clear she is addicted will it even matter?
Mothers seem to be able to be addicts as long as it dont affect their parenting ability.
Do i take this to court and hand over our child arrangements to a judge rather than try and sort it between ourselves?
She has shown she is willing to put him at risk before but does that even matter if she says she doesnt anymore and there is no evidence she is now?
All this is complicated, confusing and very very frustrating.
I feel like im helpless to do anything about it.
I have contacted a solicitor and i am hoping to get half an hours free advice.. that will be monday or tuesday i think.
But i cant stop thinking about this and id appreciate some feedback.