I accidentally made old lady walk in rain on crutches- advice?

[Orangejumper222]

Hi! Need some opinions / advice on what to do next, if anything.

6 months ago I moved to a lovely house in a friendly area, me and my daughter love living here. All neighbours have been so kind and friendly.
Approx 6pm tonight, me and DD age 4 were waiting outside for her dad to pick her up (she stays at his weekends). She was excited and wanted to wait outside. Outside ours is a very quiet, hardly used lane that only allows 1 car driving down it at a time. It can be accessed from both ends of the lane and you can drive in both directions but if you met an oncoming car one of you would have to reverse which would be very tricky as it’s very narrow. We always wait outside at this time every Friday, never had a problem before.
Her dad drove down the lane as normal and stopped in front of ours to pick her up. I noticed another car was about to start coming down the opposite end of the lane, but then reversed and as far as I knew, drove away. I said to DDs dad is a car coming down, he said no it’s gone. Approx 3 minutes for him to get DD in car, they were being a little slow getting her coat off etc. During all of this it’s pouring with rain and very dark. Suddenly this random older woman appears on foot and shouts at DDs dad “You can’t just park there!” He said “I’m not parking.” and I was like “Eh? What’s the matter?” and she shouts over again not to park there. I shout back he’s picking up my daughter. I realise she must be something to do with the car that had attempted to come down and I say “We’ve moved several times for you today already” as I thought I recognised the car as one me and my daughter moved out the lane (on foot) as it was trying to come down the lane about 5 mins before and earlier on in the day too (realise it might or might not be the same people now, I’m a bit confused who lives there and who drops them off). This car (if it’s the same one) drops someone off at a nearby house and the driver normally thanks us when we stand aside etc, very friendly, polite.
So DDs dad gets her in the car and gets ready to drive off. Then suddenly this second oldish lady starts hobbling down the lane on crutches in the pouring rain. I guess they must have been waiting round the corner in a car for us to move but gave up as they thought we were taking too long / parking. It did look bad tbh seeing her hobbling along like that. DD and her dad drove off and the crutch lady gave him an annoyed look. At the time I was really confused as to what the actual problem was but I guess they must have been waiting around the corner out of sight. It just totally got my back up, the first lady shouting at DDs dad like that out of nowhere (seemed like that at the time). I know it’s just a silly misunderstanding but I feel really upset because everyone here has been SO lovely so far. Should I try to talk to crutch lady again if I see her? Should I apologise or am I owed an apology? Of course if we had been asked politely/ explained etc to move for the crutch lady we would done so straight away. Thanks!

Both you and shouting lady sound very combative. Saying you'd moved for them several times already made things worse.

So a retired and at least temporarily incapacitated elderly lady was waiting in a taxi with the meter running (I'm not at all sure they are allowed to run the meter is stationary but the lady might have been worried about it) or keeping her friend waiting and you seem to have shouted at them that you've moved out of their way several times already today which just comes across like you're being rude and impatient with them. For the events you describe to have happened he must have been there longer than 3 minutes. I don't think you and your ex come out of this story very well at all, even though your visitor had as much right to pick up and drop off there as the other car did, you have come across as rude and they presumably have the impression of you that you'd rather be selfish than help an elderly lady on crutches get in out of the rain. Yes yes I know that wasn't your intention, but that's the memory they will have.
I'd bake something or take a packet of biscuits round tomorrow to apologise for any confusion and try to make amends. Good relationships with neighbours are priceless, and even if you're not worried about upsetting the lady, word travels.

Do not take a present as a PP suggested, you didn't do anything wrong!! They know the woman that lives on that street so at least she should know it's a nightmare to drive and drop off / park on and wouldn't have been the first time they've had to stop, reverse wait for an obstruction. If they were so time pressed or desperate to get the lady home they could have approached you and explained the situation better or simply asked what the deal was / how long you would be rather than getting Aggy. Just leave it, I doubt anyone would mention it again anyway.

I guess they either got dropped off round the corner by a driver or they managed to get a space on the busier road.

I guess they thought you’d be ages as the car didn’t appear at their the end of the lane. Maybe a taxi that had the meter running?
why did it take 3 min to get your DD in the car? Surely if your stood there waiting its a few seconds, particularly if its raining. I’d go and apologise to keep neighbourly relations good.

How long was your ex blocking the road for? It has to be much longer than 3 mins surely for the person in the car to reverse back, call the person on crutches and the person on crutches to get out of where they were and hobble down the lane.

Maybe the bloke the giving her a lift is a nasty git- won’t wait.

You did nothing wrong OP.

You weren’t to know there was an old lady coming on crutches.

And they weren’t to know your daughter’s dad was only going to be a few minutes max.

In the rare case this happens again could he pop the hazard lights on just so it doesn’t look like he’s parked up.

Thank you, the lady is about 50-55 ish I would say. I don’t necessarily think it was a taxi but I did wonder if it was as they seemed in a rush to be out of it/ the car and through the door. No it honestly was about 3 minutes, which is why I was so confused initially as to what the problem was and I thought the other car had driven away anyway (didn’t have a clue a lady on crutches was in the car or that she was about to start walking down, just recognised the car as possibly one that we let pass previously) Yes I wish I hadn’t said that now, but I didn’t understand why the first lady was so angry and impatient with us.

True

Thank you, yes he had lights on and we were stood nearby, although I’m not sure if they saw us

No, it honestly was about 3 minutes. We always try to be as quick as possible in case another car does come. It took a little time taking her coat off today. The two cars pulled into opposite ends of the lane at the same time. The other car literally pulled in a few steps then reversed and disappeared. Just as DDs dad was about to drive off the first woman appeared and shouted. He then had to wait in the car while the crutch lady walked down the lane.

The only thing you could have done differently is not have made the comment about moving several times, as it may well have come across as rude. Other than that you did nothing wrong.

The lady who shouted was also rude, but no-one knows what's going on in someone else's world and maybe they'd had a stressful day.

If you're quite new to the neighbourhood, I probably would pop round to offer an apology just to keep the peace. Explain briefly what was happening and maybe let crutches lady know what days/approx time DDs dad visits to pick her up.

Thank you, I estimate it took about 3 minutes for her dad to get out, I gave him her bag, she then wanted her coat off. She was already strapped in and DDs dad was climbing in the drivers seat when the first lady appeared and shouted.

It was unfortunate timing, but if they were in a taxi, the driver may have refused to wait, or if it was their car and the lady drops off the hobbly lady, they may not have felt comfortable coming down and having to reverse all the way out again because they knew the lane was blocked, they obviously waited a certain amount of time for your car to leave and it didn't so they had to walk, which caused their frustration, no one wants to walk in the pissing rain if they don't have to.

Sounds like all in you were about 10 mins blocking the road, which is a bit more than a quick pick up / drop off, your response was weird though, I'd find the hobbly lady and apologise if I was you and explain what happened, if there's one thing I've learned it is to NOT UPSET THE ELDERLY NEIGHBOUR! Obviously they're not all like it, but some have so much time on their hands, the get very territorial, they know and talk to everyone and good god they hold a grudge.. ask me how I know!! It is not worth the aggro IMO.

The only other place really would be onto the busier main road, which my DDs dad could not stop on if there are no spaces, which at this time there normally isn’t. We do sometimes wait inside and look for him out the window but my DD likes to wait outside for him as she often sees my neighbour cat sat out there who she loves. Was very rainy tonight though

Forget about it honestly. I used to dwell and dwell on stuff like this and it's not worth it.

Thank you, I have bad anxiety which I have got a lot better with now, but I think because I’m so pleased with my new home after my separation and everything, with everyone previously being so kind/ polite it was just unexpected. Haven’t had the best day anyway, and clearly the crutch lady hasn’t either

This. She was just unlucky. I wouldn’t be apologising or doing anything differently

I say that as someone who lives on a rather narrow 1 way road. Low point was when l had toddler twins in the back with norovirus and the road was blocked for over 3.5 hours

Hehe thank you. It definitely wasn’t 10 minutes though! Literally 3 mins, we always try to do it as quick as possible in case a car does come.

My PIL used to live on a lane only big enough for one car at a time.

It caused so much aggro if anyone blocked it.

There'd be mutterings and meetings and people would stop talking to other people.

They had space for two cars on their drive and any other cars had to park up on the main road and walk down.

It does sound like the other car went back out and waited for your ex's car to move and then concluded he wasn't moving because they'd waited more than long enough for a quick pick up or drop off,

Obviously when the lady came down to ask you to move saying that you'd moved multiple times already isn't really a response that's going to build good neighbourly relations.

Even just saying we'll be as quick as we can would have helped.

The lady on crutches is probably (rightly) pissed off that a vehicle relating to your house was blocking the lane and she couldn't get in.

The problem with you refusing to move is that if other neighbours start to do the same it'll make your life more difficult. You don't need tit for tat starting in this situation.

Thank you, the lady didn’t ask us to move just shouted that he can’t park there. Took a few moments to understand as she was on foot and initially we thought the other car drove away. Of course we would have moved if they had asked us to or explained there was a person on crutches. Yes not great response on my part I just thought the first lady was being rude and impatient I guess. It was about 3 minutes, my daughter was already strapped in and ex was climbing back in when the first lady shouted, I guess they didn’t realise what we were doing there or thought we’d be ages.

well if he pulled up, you then noticed another car, they then reversed out, three minutes went passed before a woman appeared who shouted a couple of times, and you shouted back a few times, he was still fiddling about when another woman appeared who had hobbled up the lane.. for all that to have happened, his car must have been on the lane for longer than three minutes.

It's not the point though, he wasn't actually parked there, but it's not like a taxi pulling up and someone getting out and the taxi leaves etc, so it was causing a temporary obstruction and in fairness they weren't to know if he was going to be 5 minutes or an hour.. so unfortunately they felt they had no choice but to walk in the rain.. it is not worth the aggro to be combative about it though, next time just apologise instead of being weird!

I definitely don’t think you “accidentally made her walk in the rain on crutches” I think she did this all to herself cause she’s impatient and rather rude!

Thank you for your opinions and advice everyone! This was my first time posting on mumsnet so has been interesting! I think I am going to decompress a bit. As some of you mentioned I am very feisty though only when roused (normally very quiet day to day 😂) I think I was shocked and annoyed by the sudden shouting of the first lady and felt sorry for DDs dad (he is a very quiet person also). I think I will give it a day or so and if I see crutch lady (not her shouty friend) I will calmly explain/ offer an apology / say I was confused by the shout and the situation. Has definitely put me (and DDs dad- he text me to say sorry even though he didn’t do anything wrong) off waiting in the lane so maybe find some other way to collect or at least be more aware of cars waiting. Seriously, was only 3 minutes though! 😂 (I prob should have mentioned they were about to drive off just as first lady appeared) Thanks everyone