My partner I have been with for 8 months has three kids from a previous marriage. He broke up with his ex 3 years ago from her having an affair.
Since I've been with him he's maybe seen them 4 or 5 times (without me obviously, its too soon for that). They are all older 14, 16 and 18.
He messages them all everyday and a group chat and asks how everyone is and if he's lucky will get one word answers. He invites them out every weekend and once in the week for tea but they are always busy.
Anyway, he asked yesterday what day he could drop their Xmas gifts over. He got a reply saying next week as we are away over Xmas. This is the first he had been told of this. I saw his face drop a little with disappointment as he has put alot of effort into building their gifts, he has spent months building a car for one of them as he wanted an old model and we found one and have spent a couple of grand on work for it and he wanted to deliver it x mas eve for the excitement etc to go with his driving lessons he has paid for as a gift when he turns 17 in Jan.
The other two wanted money. This morning. He never hears from the older one unless he wants something. Kid never picks up the phone or messages back. Messages saying this. 'Send over my x mas money need it for some stuff'
My partner holds his hands up to having worked too much when they were little and that's why he thinks they aren't too bothered about him being around.
I was gobsmacked. If that were me with my parents not only would I not get the money I would have been read the riot act on being EXTREMELY ungrateful.
He read it out to me also visibly shocked and said what should I say.
I turned round and said you've given them far too much of what they want without even the respect of them having a conversation with you in return so once they've had their things I guess you won't be hearing from them for a while again.
He got a bit upset, but I've been thinking about it all day and I'm right. He pays over his child maintenence to the mum to be able to keep her running the house he built them. He buys them whatever they want whenever they ask.
Aibu to think that they should be showing him at least a conversation back when he puts so much effort in. From all accounts of his friends and even his ex who sent him a father's day card from HERSELF thanking him for being a wonderful father even though they ended badly and she's moved another man in.
I am just shocked I think at the entitlement