Lonely and isolated all the time

[SkeletonTrees]

Seeking some advice please. I find myself feeling increasingly lonely and isolated in my life. I am a mum to two children, one teen in comp and my youngest is disabled and attends a unit a long(ish) way from home. When my oldest was in primary I made connections with local mums, had play dates and chatted at pick ups etc. Teen now does his own thing. My youngest attended the same primary school for a couple of years but now he’s moved onto a specialist school I am completely cut off from the other local parents.

My teen wasn’t even put in any classes with his close primary buddies and has drifted away so there’s no connection anymore with his old friends (he’s made lots of new ones luckily)

I miss the primary days, the school concerts, the events, the pick ups. 😢

I’m not working atm (will go back the end of next year) and although I love being off with my DH and children life can be lonely.

In my twenties I had a large group of friends, we all lived in the same area and there was always someone’s house I could pop into for a cuppa.

I still have a few friends to do fun stuff with and do go out to the theatre, shows, meals every 3 months or so, so I’ve mostly got stuff booked to look forward to but daily I’m isolated. I don’t really have anyone to call in a crisis or to discuss deep stuff with. Family wise I only have my elderly parents and DH has a complex relationship with his mum, we see no one else at all.

I had a carers assessment a few years ago and it was depressing when the social worker asked who our call at 2am friends were and the list of our family was tiny 😢

Thanks for reading so far.

Local friends to pop in to see is becoming rare nowadays. However if people continue to work from home more people might be looking. Could you attend a local exercise class or volunteer in a charity shop for this last year before you go back to work? Or get really busy sorting your house out (and do some carboots) as you will have less time when you are working

Going back to work will help your sense of isolation.

Our lives are very different but I share your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Last winter I realised how flat life had become. It was work, tv, sleep, repeat, with the odd social occasion thrown in.

This year I made a conscious effort to join things where I'd meet people and feel like part of the community. And so far, this winter has felt a lot brighter.

I now have lots more people in my life that I see and chat to daily, in person and in WhatsApp groups. Last week I had a day out at the theatre and for drinks with friends I met at a sports club. It was such a laugh! Tonight I'm going out with a friend I met at choir.

Ok so they're not call at 2am friends, but give it time.

I know circumstances don't always make it easy to get out and join things, but if you can, I would really recommend seeing what local clubs and groups you could join. You can turn things around.

Sending love. You’re not alone in this- loneliness and isolation seem to be increasing. Also people seem so busy it’s really hard to get those impromptu coffee dates and it’s like a full blown operation getting plans in the diary.

my advice is remembering it takes about 200hours of shared experiences to form a friendship and that’s really hard to carve out around children. So it’s not you.
but try a club that is a group activity so community comes as part of it. Reach out to everyone you know and put plans in the diary to look forward to.

I don’t really have anyone to call in a crisis or to discuss deep stuff with

Don’t you do this with DH? Honestly I think a list of ‘who I’d call at 2am’ should be tiny, the purpose is not to have 20 people you can call.

Loneliness is indeed very difficult but you still meet friends every couple of months and have your DH and kids - it sounds as if you’re a bit listless / lost in your daily life rather than lonely?

Can you establish a better routine that involves an element of socialising - a day time exercise class, a club, helping out at the unit, local volunteering once or twice a week?