To have a pity party because my sibling is getting published?

[Supercompetitivesibling]

My sibling and I grew up in competitively. They would make everything a competition, from reading a book, eating dinner, any game, even just getting dressed. As they are much older than me, most of my childhood involved me being thoroughly beaten in whatever competition my sibling made up. I eventually learned there was no point in competing and would just not participate or if I had to (family game night) I would deliberately lose to get it over and done quicker.

My sibling and I don't really talk or have a relationship anymore. We still meet for Christmas, birthdays etc but that is it really.

On to the current situation. We have both written novels, and submitted them to agencies (I didn't tell them I was writing one because it would have become a competition of some sort and I couldn't face the constant put downs that would follow me 'losing') and yesterday I discovered that my sibling has been chosen to be published. I, on the other hand, have had a lot of rejections.
I haven't said anything other than positive things congratulating my sibling, but am I being unreasonable to feel very sorry for myself and like I will just never ever get to be good at something while they always are?
I know envy is a terrible thing, but I can't shake it at the moment.
I don't want to compete with them and I don't want to take away from their accomplishment. I'm just sad it couldn't be me for a change.

Your feelings are valid. Yours childhood sounds tough You can’t control how you feel about that or your sibling’s success, but you can control how you respond. It sounds like you’re responding well, so if a private pity party help you keep doing that the crack on.

Sorry OP. That's really hard.

To be so competitive doesn't aound like they like themselves very much.

That is very annoying. In your position I would feel the same as you.

It doesn't mean you won't get published though. Use this as fuel to push ahead with submitting your manuscript.

You are fine. It is sooooo annoying when a particular person is good at everything.

Have a bubbly bath and a large glass of wine and say out loud to the bath duck, or bring your teddy or favourite cuddly to the bathroom, and tell them exactly how you feel and why. Say those words. Get it out.

Nothing wrong with how you are feeling. And if you can address those feelings and get them all out, it's easier then to be nice when you are face to face.

But you are not unreasonable to feel the way you do.

Oh I would feel the same OP. Don’t worry. Your feelings and sadness are totally valid and understandable.
Just remember you are a better you then they could ever be and they obviously aren’t very happy with themselves is they need to compete all the time.
Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself something positive. Speak directly to you. No matter how silly it feels. Do it every day. Without fail. It takes a few seconds. But it can be life changing. It changed mine.

You might get published, too! Don't give up.

Feel you feelings.

Many people never even start to write a book, or never even finish writing a book. You wrote a complete novel, and you submitted it to agencies! Well done. Many many people never get that far in their writing.

I can kind of see this from both sides in a way so these are my thoughts…
I would feel absolutely gutted if this was me, your feelings are valid and I can imagine it would be pretty heartbreaking to have a sibling outdo you in an artistic endeavor, primarily because it’s such a difficult and personal pursuit and in your case comes with a complicated history. I try to reassure myself with the old adage ‘what is for you won’t go by you’ and things like this are indeed a long game but nevertheless, painful in the extreme. I’d be taking to my bed in silent seething rage for sure.
I can also in some ways speak as a competitive person, having just completely overthought, overdone, and wasted a massive amount of time and resources on a project I was asked to participate in. In the cold light of day everyone else involved had given it two seconds of thought, submitted a ‘good enough’ piece of work and carried on with life. Me however, I’d stressed myself to bits, stretched myself financially and nervously waited for the validation (which btw was non existent because we’re talking about a tiny part of a big thing that mostly goes unnoticed). This is the way I approach everything and ultimately I don’t have a lot to show for it. It’s exhausting tbh and I struggle to break the habit. So being competitive is quite the sickness too and doesn’t always yield such results. It’s just luck , often.

Totally agree with this. I try to meditate on the words ‘I’m enough, exactly as I am’ and really feel it occasionally. It’s a type of magic. Progress to be done but it surely helps whichever sibling you are in this dynamic!

Thank you all for your kind words. I was beating myself up, but I shall take your advice (the bath, the wine, the affirmations) and try pick myself up from this. Thank you.

JK Rowlings Harry Potter book was rejected by multiple publishers. She's done rather well. Keep trying . Send it to multiple places.Listen to their feedback. Good luck. I'm in a group with a member who competes about absolutely every single thing. It's really tedious at times and I only see her once a week and have none of the sibling baggage with her that you are carrying. Chin up. Feel fed up tonight then make a plan tomorrow.

Are you sure it's the first novel that he submitted?

They said it was, but maybe that's a competition thing. I hadn't considered that.

Yes, but she had an agent doing the submitting. It’s not clear whether the OP has managed to sign with an agent, and also whether her sibling has got an agent or an actual publishing deal.

OP don’t give up — look at the careers of AS Byatt and Margaret Drabble, sisters who were both successful novelists and who had a complex and often very competitive relationship.

but your sibling probably had tons of rejections too? Haven’t heard of anyone getting picked without any rejections?

Yes, is valid you are disappointed, but the publishers don’t know about your competition with your sibling. Pull yourself together and do better. Learn from this. Good luck

p.s. I am very jealous you have managed to write a book - just write a better one. You can do it

Write your next book about your sibling painting them in a bad light (not hard by the sound of it). Then if you do happen to get published in the future it will be even more satisfying.

They're much older than you though, so you've still got time to get published at a younger age

Sorry to make a joke when you're upset. But it sounds like your sibling sucked you into a competition(s) you never even wanted, when they always had the advantage of being older. Whether that's being more savvy and sharp at a board game, or more experience writing (and probably more rejections they're keeping quiet).

Remember that song Sunscreen? Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind; the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Well said 👍

Look at it this way - if your sibling's book sells well and they become well-known, your book when it comes out will get buzz by association. Just ask Liane Moriarty's sisters!

Also …. You wrote a bloody book! Published or not that deserves a massive self congratulatory pat on the back!!

I would love to be disciplined enough to write a book - I can’t even be arsed to finish this sen