How could work support you if your parent was diagnosed with terminal cancer?

[hairclipsaregood]

I am a fairly new line manager. Someone I manage found out this week that their father has terminal cancer. It was a shock to them. I would like to support them as best I can but I'm not sure how. How would you like to be supported by your manager/work if you were in this situation?

Flexible work both hours and location, some agreed paid compassionate leave and the option to take some unpaid leave. Discussion with the employee on how/ if they want to share the news so colleagues can be understanding.

My manager was very flexible and then when my dad died I got flowers and a card which I hugely appreciated as they arrived the day I got back from my mums

Something similar happened to me. My boss approved a month of additional paid leave so I could be with my family and come to terms. This was the right thing to do because there is no way I could have worked through that shock. My relative didn't die straight away but it was understood that I needed some flexibility to work from home or their home sometimes.

It depends. Is this a dependent adult with no one else to support them? If so, then carers leave for some appointments if they need to be there with their parent. Understanding that there will be a point when they will need a period of sick leave to be with/mourn their parent. If you can be flexible with working hours and location then great. If not, then nothing you can do about that.

if not a dependent adult and they have a partner at home for example, then support would be more talking support to let them air their feelings in a safe space. And then time off when needed at the end of life etc.

That’s very thoughtful of you.
First off check what your policies are. Mine would allow colleagues to wfh/ attend appointments with a parent. But you don’t want to offer adjustments that your managers will pull you both up on.

Ask her what she needs.
Check if she wants it kept private or colleagues told.
Offer her your personal number if you’re happy to and talk through the logistics of contact generally. She doesn’t need the hassle of switching her work phone on to contact you in extremis.

Everyones different. I’ve googled flight and hotel details, sent flowers and supermarket vouchers to bereaved colleagues, told people to leave immediately and arranged cover. Kept it private at their request and circulated a card for another.

Flexible working

When it happened to me, I took a leave of absence. It was about 4 months I think. I had a good relationship with my manager and was a long standing employee. Policy suggested it was at managers discretion, and I think it’s been a mix of flexible working, working from home/ patients home if needed, or the full on leave of absence. I used holidays first , then took it unpaid. They were great.

Check with your HR department to see what you are allowed to do. If something is done for one employee it can set a precedent for the entire company. HR should also know what people have done in the past for employees in similar situations.

• Be clear they can share as little, or as much information as they want. If they need to vent/offload you're there, but equally they don't 'owe' you detailed information for every bit of time off they need.

• Be as flexible as you possibly can. Always opt for hours being made up at odd times if possible - your employee may prefer this to losing a full day every time they need a bit of time.

• Recommend any Employee Assistance Programme you have.

• Go to the mat for them if challenged by your superiors, this is not 'normal' time off or them taking this piss.

• Remember everything is a emergency. It'll become like second nature to you 'oh Z is off again, parent in hospital' but each of those panicky ambulance/hospital trips could be the last and they'll feel that every time.

• If you notice they're work product is off, when you discuss it make it clear you'd prefer they work when they're able to. Even though they'll need time off, it probably won't be for them to process everything - and they'll feel guilty doing so. You don't want them staring blankly at a screen for hours, but they may well feel they need to be at work every second they're not at a parents side.

• Don't be afraid to recommend taking sick leave if you feel they're not coping. It's a HUGE mental strain and honestly they may need to go be signed off for a big chunk of time. Lots of employees feel this is cheating, and they're managers will call them out on taking time off sick. By making it clear you advocate for them taking the time if they need it, they won't worry about it if that's what they need to do.

Depends on the job! Can they work from home if they need to travel? Could they take unpaid leave if they have runout of holidays, what is your policy on compassionate leave?

It's far too individual to make suggestions.

In my dh's case he didn't take time off, but he did work from his mums a few times

Lots of good points about flexible working and leave etc.

From my own experience offer whatever support you can but let them decide how best to use that support. When my Dad was known to be in likely the last few months of his life I visited multiple times a week and took time off every week for that but I wasn't with him 24/7, I felt he also needed time alone with his wife and I needed to work and not just sit feeling sad. Quite a few people were shocked I was working and told me off for it - they meant kindly but it didn't really help. I needed to navigate the situation in my own way and I have no regrets about how I did. I did spend a lot of time with Dad, we had plenty of quality time together and he knew how much I loved him.

My husband worked the whole 3 months from his mother's diagnosis to death, bar the last few days. He had a very senior job, and I'm not sure whether his colleagues even knew about the terminal diagnosis. For him, it was better to just carry on as normal - he would have hated any fuss, or to be treated as "special". So, OP, be aware that all employees are different and be guided by what the employee wants (within company policy, of course).

Both my partner and my OH passed away from terminal cancer within the last 6 years. My work was very supportive by letting me take time off when needed when they were ill without any questions asked, and then when they passed I could have as much time off as I needed.
In addition when my OH passed my work facilitated a transfer to my home town where other family lived as I had no family in the town I was living.

I think if the job can be done flexibly then offer full flexibility. I was early 30s when my mum was terminal and I had to carry on working full time as a teacher. It was absolutely shit. She was 2 1/2 hrs away so I'd go after school on Friday and my dad had to cope on this own. I was 'lucky' that she died on a Saturday so I was there. I think if I'd been older I'd have asked for more support but instead I am left with the guilt of not being there enough.