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Original poster

GPs over buying and over feeding

27 replies

Toomuchstufffff · 05/12/2024 13:36

Sorry for the upcoming rant!

It’s coming upto Xmas and I am absolutely dreading the onslaught of stuff that’s about to come my DCs (5y & 3y) way.

I know I sound ungrateful and there are bigger problems but I am drowning in stuff! I spend the majority of my time trying to clean, sort (bin or donate) and organise the massive amounts of stuff (clothing, toys, etc.) my children have. Only for it to be replenished within days by their GPs (both sets). It’s exhausting! I can’t open a drawer or cupboard without more stuff falling out. My DC do not value the stuff they receive because they are getting new things all the time. My DD (3y) comes home from GPs with a new toy pretty much every time she visits which is weekly.

on top of that both sets of GPs constantly give the DCs unlimited snacks. One of my DC suffers with constipation and the sugary snacks just make it worse. My PiLs in particular will happily give my DC full size adult snacks like multiple large cupcakes, bags of crisps and massive amounts of sugary juice. Any time my DC request it which is often as they know GPs will not say no.

I have spoken to both GMs about the excessive toys and snacks and they always say the right things (they’ll stop, they didn’t realise etc.) but it continues anyway. I feel like I’m screaming into a void.

Any ideas on how to stop this without causing offence? I love the relationship my DCs have with their GPs and I know they are very lucky to have two sets of GPs who adore them but I’m also concerned about their health and I don’t want them to become spoiled and ungrateful.

OP posts:
Inmydreams88 · 05/12/2024 13:40

TWO sets of grandparents who love and cherish your children, plus seem to do a reasonable bit of childcare. I'd have died and gone to heaven if this was my situation. What a really nice problem to have.

The snacking/constipation issue needs to be dealt with, maybe get a bit firmer and keep reminding them. The stuff issue, just give what you don't want to charity.

Ponderingwindow · 05/12/2024 13:47

I stated outright to my ILs that I was an uptight parent, but that as far as I am concerned, grandparents are allowed to spoil grandchildren. I didn’t expect them to follow my rules.

if there are physical consequences like constipation, then that needs to be addressed. Make it clear to them what is happening and give them a solution to fix it, like working some fresh fruit and vegetables into the snack rotation. If they want they can use dips or fun shapes to make things fun.

montelbano · 05/12/2024 13:50

Keep as many of the toys as possible in their original packaging and donate to a charity that provides presents for children who have none.
Be firm about the crisps and sugary snacks. Give both sets of GPs a list of healthy snacks plus one 'treat' , and tell them why again. Stress if they continue to disregard your wishes, then visits will have to be supervised or curtailed. It sounds harsh but, no matter how loving they are, you really have let them know that enough is enough.

Chocolately · 05/12/2024 13:51

Ask them to keep any new toys at their own house from now on. Let them find the space for them and the penny may drop that it's too much!

frecklejuice · 05/12/2024 13:58

Can you be honest with them and say you literally don't have anymore space for "stuff" and that they are welcome to carry on buying but they need to keep it at their house? Maybe they can have a toy box there and once that gets full they will know how you feel trying to find space for all of the random bits.

As for the scary snack can you say that the GP or dentist has said that they need to cut down?

It's so hard and you appreciate everything but it's just too much!

AnnaMagnani · 05/12/2024 14:02

Get the DCs to leave the toys at GPs house 'for next time '.

Or take a few boxes of excess toys with you next time 'as you need the space '.

Anything to get them to experience it as a problem.

Madre123 · 05/12/2024 14:17

I simply explained in the nicest way possible that it was unhealthy, did not have the room at home and the children did not appreciate the gifts at xmas due to the amount bought during the year. It worked...good luck x

50shadesofnay · 05/12/2024 14:23

Are you providing the snacks at GPs house? If not, start. Take your own snacks to GPs house and ask that they only give the kids the food you provide.

Re stuff, ask for a day out, theatre tickets, farm pass, etc or bedding/cushions/lampshade/curtains of favourite tv character/popstar/sports team so they are providing something the kids will see/use every day but that you won't end up tripping over constantly.

CautiousLurker1 · 05/12/2024 14:26

I’d have an honest conversation with them to say your kids have more than enough, too much even, but perhaps they’d all like to pay into a children’s savings account for when they are 18, rather than spend it on things they do not need. That way they can spend it on something special/meaningful when they are older?

May09Bump · 05/12/2024 14:34

Chocolately · 05/12/2024 13:51

Ask them to keep any new toys at their own house from now on. Let them find the space for them and the penny may drop that it's too much!

Do this - worked for us. Say to children its "granny's toy box" and get the kids into a routine of leaving the new toys there.

With the diet and constipation issues - I'd be really angry about this as I've seen the pain it causes it children of this age. Explain it's Dr directed and the consequences are painful and can lead to hospitalisation.

With unwanted gifts - keep a box in the boot of your car and when full drop it off to charity, don't let it come through your door.

thegirlwithapearl · 05/12/2024 14:42

I know you'll get the guilt trip of "oh I'd love two sets of GPs to help, if only I was that lucky" but I understand how you feel.
I found that the constant treats and sugary snacks started to affect my children's behaviour- the sugar would make them so hyper the tantrums were horrendous when they crashed (GPs would suddenly be busy doing something else or it would be time for us to go so I'd have to deal with it). Giving them toys so often meant they came to expect them, which made them less exciting and I'd have to have words because they'd begin to ask "have you got a treat for me?" Every single time we'd visit.
It actually got to the point where we'd visit less because it was so much hassle and the children weren't enjoying it.
Now we visit once every couple of weeks and any toys they get that aren't Christmas or birthday presents we leave there for them to play with next time.
I managed to stop the sugary snacks by insisting they have fruit after one treat if they're still hungry. But that was due to my DCs getting older and actually asking for fruit themselves.
I'm sorry OP. It's really stressful but it will get better with time.

AgaNewbie · 05/12/2024 14:54

Could you suggest to the grandparents that you appreciate all the gifts so much , but as you have run out of space , would they like to set up a little savings account for them instead as when they get older the presents get much much smaller and much more expensive (eg AirPods 🤦‍♀️)

Icarus40 · 05/12/2024 17:39

Could the toys stay at GPs' houses rather than coming home?

Cherrysoup · 05/12/2024 17:43

I’d be pretty brutal re the constipation, that’s easily avoided. Why do they think it’s ok to cause the child to be unwell deliberately? That’s crazy. As for the endless stuff, tell them they can’t keep loading down your house with crap and it all needs to stay at theirs because you have zero room. It’s a nice problem having 2 great sets of grandparents, but not when they’re harming your child and causing you insane amounts of work/stress.

Letsbe · 06/12/2024 07:46

Can you suggest saving accounts for the children to encourage them to learn about money etc. Grandparents can keep the books take them to pay savings in give them cash for jobs around the house.

Sansan18 · 06/12/2024 08:01

Letsbe · 06/12/2024 07:46

Can you suggest saving accounts for the children to encourage them to learn about money etc. Grandparents can keep the books take them to pay savings in give them cash for jobs around the house.

I totally agree with this.By the time your children are university age I dread to think of the expense involved The grandparents love them and that's wonderful but they could be helping invest in their future, even if it's just a small amount.

Frowningprovidence · 06/12/2024 08:16

If you pointed out that the chikdren will start to link seeing them with feeling ill soon and might ask not to come, would that make them think a bit.

You coukd help them find treats that are ok instead

PEARLJAM123 · 06/12/2024 09:21

I feel like my Christmases were ruined by this when my children were younger. Now they are older, the problem has lessened. Is it something specific about that generation?

MJMJMJMJ · 06/12/2024 09:25

Nip the snack thing in the bud if your children become obese this is a lifetime battle. I would lie to GP and be devious and say they had a blood sugar fit or something along those lines. Get them to stop feeding them crap!

The toys and clothes. Keep accepting and donating them. Someone will benefit from them.

helpingDDfindaccomadation · 06/12/2024 09:57

I asked my GP's to pay into a bank account for DC if they wanted to treat them (similar situation of weekly treats). It supported them to purchase a car!!

soupfiend · 06/12/2024 10:04

Are they having day care with the grandparents, or is this visits with you there as well? If you're there you're in control of what they eat.

Im not sure this is a massive problem to be honest

AliceDownTheRabbitHole · 06/12/2024 10:39

I absolutely feel your pain on this. When my DCs were young, GPs did the same thing. I had a massive clear out of toys just before Christmas one year, which still left 2 full bedrooms and a full living with toys. I politely requested no more large toys as we simply didn't have the space and I was close to having a full on meltdown because I couldn't move for toys. I was laughed at and told it was 'tradition' . I even sent a photo of the rooms with no space for anything else but it was all met with amusement. They had more toys than they could play with so I ended up donating a lot of it to charity (practically new stuff as they physically couldn't play with everything). I would've much preferred a smaller gift and if they wanted to spoil them, put money in their savings accounts for when they actually need it in the future (I'm sure they think i don't bank the money though...). I have since proved this isn't the case and my kids are now richer than me 😂

Sonia1111 · 06/12/2024 11:08

My mother-in-law swamps us with things, no matter what I say. She lives overseas and will gift us a suitcase full of things we don't need or really want, at the minimum, and complain anyway that I'm constraining her. I can't take it all home so just donate before we leave to come home. When she sends things it is harder. She loves sets with hundreds or thousands of pieces, and can give the kids a dozen of them each. I think she is trying to kill me with the tidying up. Lateral thinking is to donate, sweep up but don't organise back into sets, vac the small bits etc.

I feel for you. There's a move from being the younger one in the family and doing what you are told or asking for permission/trying to convince older family members of your point of view to being the one in charge. You are now in charge. You do what works for you, and if they don't understand, or they complain, be resilient and strengthen yourself. You are not in the wrong. In my family the ones over-gifting will be the first ones to complain that children don't value the things given. They don't see the hypocrisy or that they are sabotaging you as a parent.

DreamyDreamy · 06/12/2024 11:28

I don’t have an answer for the gifts but for the snacks: my MIL did that as she wanted to be ‘the good guy’, never saying no, offering the treats that were not usually allowed, etc.
I just started talking to my DC in front of her saying things such as « x is bad for your teeth so as I love you so much I don’t want you to have it. It would not actually be a really nice thing to do to let you have it ». Or « are you sure you want to eat all these crisps? Did you know that the recommended amount of salt per day for a child your age is x so this whole bag is more than you should have, look it even shows it on the pack, all in red because it is not good for your body » .

Super passive agressive but it worked.

Noodlesnotstrudels · 06/12/2024 11:47

We live 250miles away from my DP so dont see them as often as your DC, but I do ask that any toys they get bought stay at GPs house. One, because I don't want to be carting stuff up and down on the train, and two, because it's much nicer for the DC to have special GP toys and they play with them a lot when we do go. I suspect if they have to start storing everything, the amount might cut down.

The snack issue is harder. Last time we went up to stay, I went and did a food shop with my DM and we put together a box with snacks in for the DC that lives in one of their cupboards. So I could make suggestions - "oh, DD1 prefers this now" etc and also offer to pay as i worry about how much DPs spend on them when we come.