Am I overthinking this?

[ByAquaUser]

this has bugged me for a few weeks and the more I overthink it the more confused I become, I’m a mum of 5 and have never come across a situation like this but I’m struggling to work out how to move on from it. I have a very good friend I’ve been close to for the last 4 years, we’re actually neighbours & see eachother and speak daily, we do school runs together every day & have always been able to communicate no problem. My 5 yo had a virus a few weeks ago, a week passed and everything was fine so I took him to school. Going about my usual route I walk to school but see my friend and her sister walking the same way. Her sister has a 7 month old child & we’ve always chatted and got on great, my 5 year old always gets excited to see them and as he always has ran over to say hello to my friends sister and baby. This time however he was met with a very different reaction to the usual hug and chat. He was shouted at, get away from my baby now, you’ve been sick, go stand with your mother!! while flapping her hands and very quickly walking away my friend turns around and says sorry we will have to walk ahead of you, friends child has bad conjunctivitis and can’t afford to get more sick. My 5 year old was confused and actually really upset by the reaction. He walked very slowly avoiding catching up with them while sobbing. Since then there’s a lot of tension with the sister whenever I’ve seen her, it’s very awkward. When the situation happened I immediately text my friend and said I was sorry her sister felt that way and the message was ignored. The frustration I have with this situation is my friends sister knew my son had been sick a week prior and knew we did the same route every single day for the school run. I understand she may like to take her child on a walk but why on the school run the exact same way I’ve always gone when her child isn’t in school, but also when she knew my child had been unwell a week prior and 100% would of known my child would get excited to see them and go say hello. He’d been okay for a few days and I didn’t even consider she’d be so up in arms over my child saying hello like he does every single time he sees her . Am I in the wrong for being slightly confused and annoyed by the reaction and way things were handled or should I be apologising for the way things went?
thanks for reading x

This happened weeks ago, have you not seen your friend since then? What do you think you should apologise for?

I think it’s maybe just not been handled great on all sides. I have a nearly 8 month old baby who’s recently been in hospital with RSV and then bronchiolitis, I wouldn’t be happy if a child who I know is potentially still contagious came up close to her now so I can see why she wouldn’t want him up close, I do think not letting him run up when he’s been unwell would have been the right thing for you to do. But that said I would never have behaved like she did or shouted at a 5 year old, I’d probably have just stood between them and explained to you that just this time I’d prefer to keep some distance because of the recent illness and not wanting to take risks with such a young baby, so she hasn’t handled that very well either.

It happened weeks ago but the tension between my friends sister and I has only got worse. My friend and I are very close but it’s never been mentioned again it just isn’t the same as before the incident, the sister still goes the same way as us most mornings and unfortunately although she’s not got a child at the school I still have to see her & be civil because of my friendship but I’m treated back with awkwardness and hostility like I’ve done something wrong. I’ve been a mum fot 16 years now and not once have I encountered a problem like this, I have anxiety and i overthink a lot so although I feel it wasn’t my sons fault, I feel this situation will only cause more tension until it’s addressed if that makes sence? X

Maybe the sister resents your closeness with her sister? Very odd behaviour otherwise. I would just ignore her.

Unfortunately 'I'm sorry you felt that way' is a classic non-apology so your neighbour and her sister may feel you haven't apologized at all. 'I'm sorry for letting DS run up to the baby without thinking you may be worried he was still contagious' would be better. Maybe followed by 'How is the baby doing? Is the conjunctivitis better now?'.

I'm sorry your DS was so upset by it. The sister most likely panicked and reacted to keep your DS away from the baby and it came out as anger as a side emotion. Not ideal and a shock for your DS.

You’ve done nothing wrong, the sister’s reaction was batshit.

I would keep some distance from the sister - civil but removed. Carry on as normal with your friend, it wasn’t her fault her sister behaved like a lunatic.

I don’t see what OP has to apologise for? She and her son did nothing wrong.

Seeing your second post, have you asked your friend why her sister dislikes you so much?

You are right of course. The OP tried to smooth things over but the wording of their apology was unfortunately a non-apology so I was thinking this might work better. However, it turns out the sister is still being hostile weeks later and that makes no sense at all. She must know the OP's DS wasn't contagious by now.

She completely over reacted in my opinion and handled it badly. At this point your choices are ignore it and accept the awkwardness or bring it up with her directly to break the tension. I don’t think you should have to apologise to be honest but something like - I can’t help noticing it’s been awkward since my child came over to yours and I’d like to break the tension and resolve this as I don’t want any awkwardness with you and see what she says

This. She sounds unhinged. An apology would just encourage and validate her

i absolutely agree it’s been handled badly, it wasn’t a case of being able to avoid them annoyingly as they came around the corner as we walked passed, me and my friend live next door to eachother so always see eachother and walk together. I didn’t really think about him being poorly the week prior as I’d kept him off 2 days longer than I even needed too and as I was talking my 3 children to school like I do every other weekday & she knows this as usually we walk together, her sister had no reason to walk to the school and if she was concerned about her child getting a virus maybe should of avoided the school run timing rather than expect me to keep my child glued to me incase her son gets sick or even a pre warning she was going to be on the school run so I could avoid bumping into them perhaps. My friends sister has always encouraged my son to help her push the pram for her when we’ve seen them and I’ve always told my son to walk by me instead so he doesn’t get in the way to which the sister would always say don’t worry I enjoy the help, it’s just a complete 360 to her usual behaviour and it really upset my son. x

Her sister has never been involved in her life until she had a child, infact they weren’t talking alot until she found out she was pregnant. I was very supportive with advice and gave her lots of baby stuff, always listened with support if ever she ranted about anything. It’s completely thrown me off if I’m honest. But it’s definitely caused a level of awkwardness between me and my friend. It sucks because we’ve been best friends for years, she was my maid of honor, my biggest support when my sister passed away. I just feel sad it’s come to feeling so uncomfortable when seeing my friend and her sister. It’s really awkward.

See I think it’s a bit unreasonable of you to say she shouldn’t have done the school run if she was worried about illness. After my baby has been poorly I’m worried about her becoming ill again but I can’t trap us in the house and only walking on totally abandoned routes to avoid people, being around people in general is fine, but close contact with someone who has been unwell is very different to just walking on the same path at the same time. As your child has been poorly it would have been best to stop him from running up to the baby, even if that is usually fine the illness does change things there even for adults like my mum always holds and cuddles my daughter but a few weeks ago she was recovering from a cold so obviously didn’t hold or cuddle her. That’s a total change but it’s just because she was poorly and to avoid making my baby unwell.

She has handled it badly maybe out of fear or anxiety, but I don’t think it’s fair to say if she’s worried about illness then she shouldn’t be walking on a path with her sister really.

She shouldn't have apologised for anything. He was sick a whole week prior. It's ridiculous

I absolutely understand the anxiety of illness, I’ve had my fair share of germs and know how irratating they can be, of course she should be able to walk where ever she wants but she expected me to walk a different way and be late to get my son to school so she could walk somewhere she doesn’t even need to be. so it seems odd to me she’d walk the same route, same exact path at the same exact time I need to get my child to school yet shout at him for coming to say hello. I didn’t think he’d need to worry about spreading anything as he’d been better days before he even went back to school, not one of his 4 siblings caught it either so I genuinely didn’t think it would be an issue.x

but she expected me to walk a different way and be late to get my son to school so she could walk somewhere she doesn’t even need to be. so it seems odd to me she’d walk the same route, same exact path at the same exact time I need to get my child to school yet shout at him for coming to say hello.
Apologies if have missed it, but when did she say she expected you to walk another way?

But I don’t think she did expect you to walk a different way did she? It sounds like she just didn’t want your son up close to her baby, which is very different and totally reasonable?

My friends response was we’re going to have to walk ahead of you. Meaning I only have 1 other route which takes a lot longer and means him being late or I have to wait 5 minutes for them to walk ahead so we don’t cross paths again.Which meant we were late anyway. would happily of walked ahead and not been offended had I been given the heads up prior that she didn’t want to bump into us.

Why would her walking ahead of you cause it to take you longer to walk?

Because there’s only 2 ways to the school and they said they had to walk ahead, I respectfully waited until we could no longer see them. My friend literally messaged straight after saying I’m sorry, I hate not walking with you. My sisters paranoid. I then said I’m sorry your sister feels that way. Even she said she was paranoid so how is her paranoia my problem when I’m just walking my son to school and she knew she’d of bumped into us 🙈

Complete over reaction. Sorry for your dc.

I would just lie low, keep my distance. Be polite.

But I don't think I'd want to bother with either of them too much any more.

Never be rude. But just detach.