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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CHEATED WHILE IM PREGNANT

42 replies

ellreesx · 05/12/2024 02:46

I found out I was pregnant with my partner after 10 months of being together I’m currently 18 weeks pregnant+1 I found out today he cheated on me with a girl he lives with in a hostel (housing accommodation for homeless) I always gave him the benefit of the doubt with his living circumstances because of his up bringing but have had more and more people tell me recently that people choose their own paths. He’s been in and out of hostels since we met and started off so sweet but since I’ve got pregnant I haven’t been able to see him due to the fact he’s got to criminal cases against him and he’s not allowed around the baby until he goes through social services which I’ve stuck to. But he’s always told me he’s going to do everything right for our baby and then even more when he found out it was a little girl but I’ve since found out it’s all false hope, he’s cheated with a 36 year old woman that lives in this hostel with him (he’s 19) and neither of them are being completely truthful with me they keep going back on their story’s. I’ve simply said I’m going to take me and my daughter out of the equation because she is unable to have custody of her own kids so there is no way I am allowing her around mind. She’s also bragging that the offence has now been “NFA” and this is the type of people he is meeting and expecting to bring around my child. I obviously no longer want to be with him but am I the bad person for not allowing him to be involved with our daughter while he’s involved with people like that. This same girl also assaulted him last week. I’ll always love the boy he was my first love and I think this is why I’ve given him a bit of leeway this whole time. A lot more than I should’ve. How do I get over the feeling of being heart broken?

OP posts:

Brainded · 05/12/2024 06:53

He sounds like a lovely upstanding member of society…I can see why you were drawn to him.

Neeenaaw · 05/12/2024 07:06

This was a disturbing read. Take that baby and run for the hills.

Maraa · 05/12/2024 07:14

As someone who found out about their ex partners affair weeks after giving birth, get out now. You can do it on your own. It’s hard I won’t lie, but honestly, him cheating, second best thing to happen to me. He is now living in one of these hostels, since dropping the dead weight, I’ve managed to save and buy my forever home on my childhood street, provide solely on my own and have met a new great partner. If I stayed; my life would be so different. I have the life I’ve always dreamt off. It was bloody hard at times, really hard I won’t lie. But it has paid off eventually. Best of luck to you and your baby xx

Hekett · 05/12/2024 07:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It can’t be real surely!

UnreadyEthel · 05/12/2024 07:31

and then even more when he found out it was a little girl

One of the smallest red flags in this, but would he not have claimed to have wanted to stick around if it had been a boy?

NewGreenDuck · 05/12/2024 07:48

He's 19, he had presumably a rubbish time in life up till now. You both seem to have not thought it through about how a pregnancy would impact your lives.
I don't know how old you are, but he's not the love of your life. In a few years you will not think that, you might not even think of him at all.
Just for info. What is your situation?

VeryCheesyChips · 05/12/2024 07:50

I hope for this (hopefully imaginary) baby’s sake that this is a wind up!

Allthehorsesintheworld · 05/12/2024 07:55

There is support available to him via his hostel, SS, even the probation service if he asked for it. He’s old enough to make his own choices and so far he doesn’t seem to be making good ones.
You have a choice to make life better for your child. So make sure you make the right choices. It’s her future that matters and depends largely on you.

Worried8263839 · 05/12/2024 07:56

The not being allowed to be around children should have been the end. Any crime doesn't warrant social services intervention so must be serious. He is deemed as a risk to children. This should have been reason to end it. He has done you a blessing by cheating if this is what finally gets you to end the relationship

Lurkingandlearning · 05/12/2024 07:57

If he isn’t allowed to be around babies that is all you need to know. Get as far away from him as possible.

But something puzzles me about him telling you he hasn’t been able to see you because he’s not allowed to be around babies. You’ve not had your baby yet so does that mean he also isn’t allowed to be around pregnant women?

He sounds incredibly dangerous.

bigkidatheart · 05/12/2024 08:11

Do you really want someone around your baby that has to prove themselves to SS before they will allow it. Cut contact, you can do this yourself. He is immature and messing you about. If he wants to see the baby it will be supervised in a contact centre until he has been assessed. This is no way for a child to start it's life. You are going to be a mother, your job is to prioritise and protect that baby.

SuperfluousHen · 05/12/2024 08:20

Make sure he’s not with you when you register your baby’s birth, so he won’t be named on the birth certificate. Give her your surname.

Later, if he gets his life together he can apply to be added to her birth certificate and step up to be a responsible father.

I wouldn’t hand a defenceless baby over to someone with the profile you have described. Not even for supervised contact.

Move on with your life. Stop giving him “the benefit of the doubt”. Make a secure home for yourself and your child. Consider moving away if it helps you be nearer family / make a fresh start.

Uricon2 · 05/12/2024 08:47

If Social Services have concerns about him due to criminal activity, it will be for something serious. If you are in any way weak and put your feelings for him first, or have a miusguided sense that he "deserves" to know his child, you risk losing your baby. I don't say this lightly as I grew up not knowing my birth father, but cut all ties now, don't put him on the birth certificate and if he pulls himself together enough to seek contact through court in the future then he can do that.

Prioritise your baby.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 05/12/2024 13:21

A 19 yo homeless man with criminal convictions. Sounds like he'll make an ideal father.

What are the convictions for?

You need to get away from him and keep him away from your baby.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 05/12/2024 14:17

Wow. So many issues. So many reasons to cut this loser out of your life as much as possible, if possible.

ThisCosyPoster · 05/12/2024 18:53

Close the door on that one and don't ever look back.

Cherrysoup · 05/12/2024 19:25

He’s 19 so barely even half baked. Cut him off. Two criminal convictions so can’t be around a baby. Jeez.

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