Feeling inadequate at work and showy colleague

[fiiya]

I started a new job a few weeks ago, there are two of us new starters doing the same role.

I'm increasingly feeling like he just has to always show off how much he's doing / done etc.

I am doing my thing at my pace but I'm not feeling the need to keep showing what I'm doing. We've literally just started, have had some onboarding training and are slowly starting to do our actual job.

There have also been some tools we've been shown and in every meeting they ask if we have worked with X tool before and I haven't worked with all the tools yet, whereas my new colleague knows the tools already. They're not hard to use or anything but it just makes me feel inadequate.

I often feel inadequate at work. I just get so insecure and I hate it. How can I just sort myself out ??

Everyone is insecure in some areas. This person may have low self esteem and needs external validation.
Just do your job, take your time and do not compare yourself to others.

You were hired for the job. You’ve already picked up how to use tools that were new to you. It sounds like you’re doing fine. As long as you’re meeting your manager’s/trainer’s expectations it doesn’t matter what your coworker is doing. He’s not any better than you.

Announcing how much he’s done is annoying. Rather than feeling inferior because of it, recognise it as his need for approval/attention. He needs the acknowledgment of other people. We all need some kind of validation.

You’ve said that you often feel inadequate and insecure at work. Start building your confidence. Set yourself some mini goals each day so that you can recognise your progress and see that, over the course of the week, you’re learning more and getting better.

Stop thinking about him and comparing yourself to his output. This is your own insecurity targeting someone.

This could have been written by one of our new starters. Many of the details match - of course probably wasnt! But I'll say to you what I'd say to them anyway:

We'd hate for you to feel inadequate - because youre not. People learn at difference paces, and have different experience. In my workplace, in the role we do, pride often comes before a fall. Knowledge is good - but there much, much more important things.

Confidence can only come from yourself here. If your team are kind, maybe opening up to one of them about feeling like this might help? Maybe not the blaming co-worker part, but feeling inadequate due to lack of prior knowledge. If you were part of our team, everyone would be rallying to give you a pep talk!

Hope you feel better soon OP. I bet youre doing great, just as both our new starters are!

Yeah he also finds out things and doesn't tell me, even though we are doing the same thing, if that makes sense.

Some information sharing would help - I've just spoken to X and found out Y is done this way, for example- check it out. I naturally have done this with him, but feel like he doesn't do the same back.

We've been told to work as a team but he's started not to do it / not to share things he's doing but then showing off what he's done in meetings. A bit annoying.

But I've just got to hold my hear high and do it my own way. I've never started with someone in exactly the same way before, so it's a new feeling.

Some information sharing would help - I've just spoken to X and found out Y is done this way, for example- check it out. I naturally have done this with him, but feel like he doesn't do the same back

^

Stop sharing with him, if he doesn't

He obviously sees you as competition

Yeah the manager reminded us today to share what we are doing and to be on the same page and help each other.

That's how it started but now colleague just always wants to look good/ better by saying he's already doing x y and z. But he won't tell me he's doing it, only in front of the team. He always has to one up me. He's very competitive.

Competitive arse I'm afraid.

If you think you have your managers support just call him out.

'I haven't need that tool yet, please can you share how you used it?' Make him commit on the spot.

Also pipe up and say 'glad you find xxx useful, let me know do you need more help'

He needs to learn to play nicely. Hopefully oth er s have seen through his peacock personality