How many times out of the house is acceptable

[RFinley]

I had a massive row with my husband over leaving the house. So I WFH mon-fri full time and kids are both in school/nursery mon-fri. H works for himself and out of the house so does most drop off/pick up and will have free time for himself in the week while kids are at school. H usually chooses to work weekends rather than in the mid week so I often have kids alone at the weekend in the day. Recently got a gym membership and went x2 last week, once midday eve and once weekend eve. Mentioned to him about going to the gym this week one eve and then seeing a friend I haven't seen for a while the next day in the evening and he told me not to 'expect to do this all time', which ensued a huge row with him shouting that I am inconsiderate of him and me shouting asking how going out of the house for 2-3 hours max 2 evenings in one week was 'leaving him all the time' as he claimed. He basically told me I had a choice to make to either go to the gym or see a friend and it was not ok to do both and when I called him out on how ridiculous it was because it was only 2x he said he was allowed to make it clear to me not to expect it every night (which to clarify I have NEVER gone out 7 nights in one week or anything close to that ). For context I do not see friends all the time but as I WFH I do feel like I need to see friends maybe 2/3 times a month max for a few hours and this will be things like taking our kids to the park, going to the garden centre, a walk or the occasional drink in a pub without kids (so I am not going out clubbing or leaving the kids with him every time I see a friend). Am I being unreasonable for shouting at him and telling him I feel like he is trying to control me. I'm having thoughts of divorce which I feel really terrible about because of the kids and I know the relationship isn't really bad but I just find it difficult to live completely by someone else's rules and feel like I have no time for myself and my whole life is expected to be work and kids. I would not have an issue if he went to see a friend or went to the gym but he juet has no interest in it.

This sounds very one sided in your husband's favour OP. My husband and I alternate nights I go to the gym Mon & Wed DH does Tues & Thurs and we either stay in on Fri or one of us goes to the gym or sees a friend. Unfortunately our son has been clingy for the past 3 weeks so actually I've Ben doing every bedtime and only gone out on my nights a few times, but hoping to get back into our routine over Christmas. How much notice did you give him? We try and plan our week ahead and give each other as much notice as possible and use a calendar to plan things. Good luck x

OP I agree with other posters who have pointed out that your dh is an idiot & he's massively taking advantage.

Why does he get to take all this free time midweek? And wiggle out of minding the kids at the weekend?

If you left him he would have to really step up to have the kids 50 / 50 & i bet any money there's no way he'd do that! But you'd probably still end up with more free time than you have now....

Why are there so bloody many asshole men??

THIS!!

@Cakeandcardio I think I'm starting to agree with you on this. I never manage to get my point across successfully because his free time is so much less noticeable because he takes it during the week while kids are at school. I don't mind him having free time, I think it is good and we both need it to stay sane but the thing that feels so unfair is he chooses to work weekends so I get the kids by myself after a long work week, he then tells everyone about how he's working on the weekend and so tired from working (when he actually had most of wed/thurs to himself) and then complains about me being out at the gym or with a friend two nights a week (often after the kids have gone to bed so I still do bed time, and will often have to do it alone to feel like I deserve being out)