When do you accept Christmas invitations?

[GotToGetDinner]

Invited sibling, their spouse and their children for Christmas. I first mentioned in September. Reminded in October and November. It's now 3 weeks til Christmas and I still don't know if they are coming or how long for as they won't answer!!

I suppose it doesn't really matter but I'd like to know how many people I'm cooking for! whether I'll need to move my children around to accommodate extra guests in bedrooms etc.. and whether to send gifts or wrap and keep here for their arrival.

Is this weird they've not let me know yet? (I reminded them again on Saturday and was told they'd get back to me asap! It'll be the weekend again soon!!)

Am I being a bit anxious (and unreasonable) and should instead relax and think 'sure, if you tun up thats lovely, if you don't fine.. If you turn up stay as long as you like, no need to let me know???'

Ps. I think they r planning on coming, so I don't think they r trying to make excuses or find a better offer. If they are, I'm fine with that too though! I just want to know!!!

I'd up the ante by asking them to confirm 'right now' - and saying that if they don't say yes, or don't let you know, that you have assumed that they aren't coming, therefore won't be accommodated or cooked for!

It's incredibly rude of them not to let you know.

I would say you next to know by x date so you can order food.

I started speaking to my (adult) children in October, and they confirmed by mid-November. I've done all my shopping except for the very fresh stuff, so I'd be pushing for an answer. Rude.

Oh thanks! So I'm not unreasonable wanting to know! (I think if they knew I was stressed about them not letting me know yet, their reaction would be 'its still 3 weeks away, we r all just relaxed and spontaneous here...' whereas my view is 'its only 3 weeks away, I wish they'd just bloody let me know!!'

You have nice respectful children :)

Just ask them outright, my brother is a nightmare for this, getting confirmation is painful but he nearly always does come to family events

I'll ask them again. I feel.pushy though as I feel I keep asking and they keep saying 'we'll let you know'.. grrrrr :)

Tell them you’re ordering the turkey so need to know numbers? I would definitely expect them to reply before the beginning of December!

Just say you are planning Christmas on your own now, they are taking the piss and are imo holding out for a better offer.

We confirmed with mum in October as food was being ordered then.

FIL hasn’t confirmed with us if he’s coming Christmas Day breakfast or Boxing Day lunch so I’m stuck being unable to order.

It's frustrating isn't it!! :)!

Wow I think they are incredibly rude; I would have expected an answer within a couple of weeks of you asking, just to give them time to clear it with partners.
I would be texting them to say as they have not responded you are assuming they are not coming; so you have accepted an offer elsewhere.

We normally hard confirm 13 weeks out when the cheap train tickets go on sale!

But nevertheless always have randoms turning up anyway (ok not complete randoms but unconfirmed family and friends!). I've learned to just accept it (the "randoms" always arrive laden with wine and cheese/sweets so I forgive them!)

Thanks! Yeah I think my sibling's opinion is that I shouldn't stress, if they tune up that's great etc.. if they don't, oh well! But I like to get food in, alcohol, order the turkey etc..! Also want to know whether to send their presents!! Maybe I should just try not to let it bother me. If they turn up (pretty sure they will) then all god (but what day!? Xmas eve? Before that? I kind of want to plan some activities with my kids and don't know if they will be coming or what!!!?)

We normally confirm by end October.

My adult step siblings are…less organised. But even they confirmed last week!

In all frankness I don't get why people plan who they are spending christmas with in October, I like to wait until December but thats me. It's only one day of the year and supermarkets are open the day before. Was shocked reading the comments I must be out the loop with how things are to be done

On the other hand, you shouldn't have to leave the invitation open for them to show up, you have every right to say I need to know by X date and if not I hope you enjoy your day. Don't let them take the piss or consider you an option.

I would send a message....following on from previous conversation etc I now assume you are not accepting the invitation due to the lack of reply. MWRRY CHRISTMAS 🎄

I'd normally answer when the invitation was offered, and if that genuinely wasn't possible would give a date by which it would be

Though notoriously hard to offfend I don't accept rudeness, so for your sibling there'd be one final polite request for an answer by x date, failing which they wouldn't be coming

Of course they should confirm, you might want to make other plans!

I'm a planner too. Don't let spontaneous family inconvenience you. Tell them you're planning to eg book panto tickets tomorrow and go ahead and do it. They can book their own if they want to join you

You need to set a firm boundary.

I would (and have) say “I will be ordering Christmas food and finalising my arrangements on Nov 30 (whatever date) so you need to confirm by then if you want to come.

If they miss the deadline they aren’t welcome.

Wow, that's breathtakingly rude of them. Are they hoping a better offer comes along? I'd be firm and say you are ordering the food now and need to know one way or the other. Surely they don't expect you to have to be shopping for extra food Christmas week, or worse being left with far too much food, just because they can't be arsed making their mind up.

Tell them you're going to Australia for Christmas. That will panic them, if they're actually expecting to be hosted by you @GotToGetDinner!