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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel uncomfortable with the way DS and his GF speak to each other

37 replies

Jusoema · 04/12/2024 15:50

DS is 26, his GF is 24. They've been together about 18 months, they are both accomplished, DS works in finance his GF is a solicitor.
This week I'm staying with DS, he lives in a house share but it has a tiny room with a single bed that they use as a spare room. His GF has been around a lot and I I've never noticed it before but they are so cruel in the way they talk to each other. 'Jokingly' calling each other "whore" "cunt" "bastard", plus saying things like Fuck Off or joking about being disloyal.
I know it's their relationship and they are free to do what they wish and they do also call each other sweet pet names like baby and babe and always seem to be saying to the other "I love you" "you're so beautiful".
But AIBU to find it quite discomforting being around a couple who use this language towards each other?

OP posts:
Conniebygaslight · 04/12/2024 16:52

I’d suggest it’s toxic and one of them would prefer that the other doesn’t do it but daren’t say. Not healthy at all.

Rosie8880 · 04/12/2024 16:53

they are so young and it’s just a phase - young people love to do that, shock and joke and be challenging. As long as they are happy I wouldn’t worry at all. If you find the language uncomfortable let them know - as the son’s mother think you are well within your rights to not wanna hear your son curse etc
.

LostTheMarble · 04/12/2024 16:58

I have no issue with swearing, but if I caught my son even jokingly calling his girlfriend a whore or cunt I’d hit the roof. Messing around is one thing, those words used towards women are weighted with misogyny.

Feelingstrange2 · 04/12/2024 17:02

I think.its fine at the moment while.they obviously have a good relationship really. Although some of that language I don't like personally.

It's going to harder for them to navigate those tricky arguments when they have a potential to fall out as using words like that could end it like a guillotine!

Isthereanypointtoallthis · 04/12/2024 17:02

I wouldn't like to spend time in the company of any one who thought this was an acceptable way to talk to each other.

I know they can do what they like in their relationship in private but to have so little respect for people that they do it in the company of others would really disgust me.

Presumably they are intelligent and educated but they don't sound as though they have much grasp of how language should be used. Or much grasp of consideration for other people.

If they talk like this as the norm how on earth do they express themselves when they are annoyed with each other?

Runmybathforme · 04/12/2024 17:18

This is how me an my DH communicate ( except for cunt, he’d never call me that ). We insult each other frequently which normally ends up with both of us giggling. However, we don’t do it in front of others and such language is never used when we’re arguing.
Your son and his girlfriend sound as though they have a healthy, balanced relationship, I wouldn’t worry.

MrsJoanDanvers · 04/12/2024 17:59

I’m 60 and we call each other stupid cunt occasionally. I love my husband and he me and would never say it in a sincere way-it’s always a joke! It’s private to us-would never say it to a friend or colleague as they’d be horrified but he and I like banter. If they’re like that, I would t worry about it-it’s only if they’re genuinely speaking with contempt that it’s a problem. But mum-you have to butt out of your kid’s relationship!

MrsJoanDanvers · 04/12/2024 18:02

‘If they talk like this as the norm how on earth do they express themselves when they are annoyed with each other?’

Well if we fall out, we don’t insult each other that’s for sure. We say why we’re annoyed and try to sort it out. I’d be very upset if any of my family called me a bitch and mean it! But as a joke it’s fine. I’ve never understood why name calling is acceptable when angry-it’s not a joke anymore.

arcticpandas · 04/12/2024 19:52

I would ask my DS about this. It's probably just "their language" but they should be made aware that other people might not like to hear them talking like that so they should only do it when alone.

ThePoliteLion · 04/12/2024 20:01

I wouldn’t like it one bit and think it’s weird. I’m not surprised it makes you uncomfortable. I wouldn’t ever want to be called a whore or a cunt by anyone. Yuck. Quiet, informal conversation with your son to check everything is OK? I’d tell him I don’t like the “bantz” BTW

Gingernan · 25/04/2025 09:56

I'd hate that . My children are equally polite and would be outraged if I swore.
It's horrible!

5128gap · 25/04/2025 10:10

They sound like a couple of pre teens showing off some naughty words they've learned in front of an adult. I'd say "DS, it offends me to hear you call a woman a whore and to have to hear my son called a bastard. There's really no need to perform these aspects of your relationship in front of other people, so would you mind keeping it private?"

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