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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you'd be happy with this xmas do?Just want opinions.

123 replies

ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 12:53

I am not the (supposed) typical MNer when it comes to socialisation. I love a party or 'do', I don't mind going out after dark, I don't see anything wrong with a good booze-up providing it isn't every night, I even answer my door (I am being lighthearted here just in case you were wondering)!

I am quite looking forward to my work Christmas event, which consists of a 'team day' (which I think consists of some learning and some 'team building' activities), starting at 12:30 in the Marriot. I don't know how long this goes on for, they haven't said.

The evening consists of us arriving (at a different venue) at 19:00, dinner, dancing, disco and then at 00:30 we leave.

This may sound all good and fun BUT;

We all WFH. We all live within the UK.

This will be the first time a lot of us have ever met (most of us, in fact as the team has expanded a lot this year so only a handful of us aren't new).

With the exception of a few of us, the majority of us live in a different country to the venue(s).

I would be looking at around a 4.5 hour drive, which I do not want to do on account of unpredictable weather both in the destination and where I live.

Work are paying for our train fare or petrol and hotel stay.

To get the train involves a 05:30 ish? Start maybe even earlier-the train is at around 07:00 in my nearest city. There are several changes.

This affects the evening before, for me as I will have to be in bed very early compared to normal.

It also means the majority of the next day is also taken up as a lot of it will be spent travelling back, packing/unpacking etc.

I am not even the one who is furthest away. One colleague's journey is 9 and a half hours!

Some are having to get flights.

I would be happy for work to send us all £20 and say 'let's meet up on Teams and have a few glasses of fizz together!

AIBU?

I am quite looking forward to it, in a way but I will arrive shattered and grumpy, It's guaranteed, and I doubt I'll be the only one!

OP posts:
SharpWriter · 04/12/2024 13:23

Is the next day a work day? So you'll be spending that travelling back rather than actually working? Can understand why some don't want to do it but you'll probably really enjoy it. I do contract work and we all work remotely so if we were to meet up we'd all have to pay for our own travel. So obviously we never bother.

Wendysfriend · 04/12/2024 13:24

minipie · 04/12/2024 13:18

If work are expecting people to travel several hours then it needs to be at least an overnight “do” or possibly even two nights.

No way would I do a 5.30 am start with a midnight finish. What are you supposed to do at 00.30 when it ends? Do a very long journey home again??

Work are paying for our train fare or petrol and hotel stay.

Op personally I'd enjoy this myself but I get many wouldn't feel like it, it is a long journey and as others said maybe staying the night prior would help those who have hours to travel.

Mipil · 04/12/2024 13:26

It’s not a Christmas do though, it’s a training and team building day with a Christmas party in the evening. I assume the day time activities aren’t optional? What are the normal policies for travel/accommodation/expenses if you have to attend a meeting or training away from your normal place of work? Would they pay for accommodation the night before if you needed to leave at 5.30am to attend a meeting?

I would guess that they are holding the training and team building event in the afternoon to get around the tax rules for social events. The maximum allowance for social functions is £150 per person per year including travel and accommodation. More than that, you would have to pay tax on it as a benefit. If you are attending a training event, the travel and accommodation costs (which will be a lot for those coming from abroad) will not be taxable as it is a business event.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:31

FuckItItsFine · 04/12/2024 12:56

Absolutely not.

Sorry posted too soon - meant to say it’s too much time out of my own personal time and too much travel which I find tiring and stressful. If I had to get up at 5.30am I would be asleep after one drink at 7pm.

Edited

It IS a lot of personal time. Thursday night for example, I am having to forgo my usual hobby/dinner with friends as I'd not get back until later than the time I'd have to be in bed.

I probably won't sleep.

Then up around 2-3 hours earlier than usual depending on how I decide to get to the train station.

4 hour train journey, taxi to venue, courses 'team building' for however long.. All day spend doing 'work' things-I am hoping we'll be paid for this as if for our usual 8 hour shift.

Then next day about a 6 hour journey back including commute to and from train stations.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:33

MrsSchnickelfritz · 04/12/2024 12:57

In an ideal world they'd pay for the hotel the day before and give you access to facilities to enable you to work that morning. Has anyone suggested that to the organiser? Or suggested a later start to the team building?

I don't really understand what you mean with the travel and unpacking the day after - are you being paid for that day? Or just the travel time? It's not like packing and unpacking for 1 overnight is going to take up much time really.

We're not being paid for that day at all. I am just not happy at losing any of my Saturday to something to do with work.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:34

CreationNat1on · 04/12/2024 12:58

Same situation here, but about a 3 hour drive each way. Full day and night, themed evening Casino party. Zero interest. It will take up 2 days.

I m going as I think it would be frowned upon if I didn't.

That's why I am going too 😶

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:36

Verite1 · 04/12/2024 13:02

Can you ask if your travel is during work time instead? i.e train at 9.00 am and you just arrive to the away day later?

Hmm I am not sure. Everyone else seems to be fine with it! But we're remote so there's no 'quick gossip while getting a coffee' sort of culture which I feel may unveil some other gripes about the situation if I am honest. I'd be a lot happier if the travel was during work time.

We've had to sort out our own train tickets too but this wasn't originally made clear, which has resulted in some people having to go via tricker train routes as their easiest ones had sold out.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:37

Verite1 · 04/12/2024 13:03

Or, as suggested, hotel the night before as well? It's worth asking surely?

It's a good idea, and if it wasn't already organised I may have suggested it. It's a bit late in the day now as It's next week-my own fault for not thinking of it. Although I probably wouldn't have dared be the one to 'rock the boat' as everyone else seems fine about it all.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 04/12/2024 13:38

You are sounding a bit curmudgeonly OP. Go or don't go, but your employers are trying to do a nice thing by getting everyone together and covering your travel and hotel costs.

I would check what is actually happening at 12.30. It may be lunch before the afternoon session, in which case you could ask if you can skip that and therefore get up a bit later. I would expect your journey home the next day to be in work time.

It's hardly a Herculean struggle to pack and unpack an overnight bag, but if it feels like it is,it's probably a good indication that you shouldn't go.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:38

midgetastic · 04/12/2024 13:04

So you all work remotely and work is fully paying for you all to meet up for team bullring and then hosting a party afterwards ?

To get up at 530 ONE day you don't need to do much different the day before

I would make the effort to go - partly because I value work form home so making the occasional effort seems well worth it to me

I am definitely going. It just takes me away from my usual Thursday activity and means I don't get my Saturday either. Which is annoying.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 04/12/2024 13:39

Oh sorry I just saw your update about traveling back on the Saturday.
Mmm I would be tempted to leave after the work bit then tbh.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:39

BIossomtoes · 04/12/2024 13:07

Definitely worth asking. The person travelling for nine (seriously?) hours will definitely be staying the previous night.

Show quote history

They aren't! Apparently. They've said the love a long train journey. I can't figure out the logistics myself. I will ask!

OP posts:
livanlaterlaterlater · 04/12/2024 13:40

Crikey all these moaners !Consider yourself lucky that you work for a company that makes an effort and pays for a fabulous day out!
Many people have to work 12 hour shifts all over Christmas and get sweet FA from their employer.

MrsSchnickelfritz · 04/12/2024 13:40

Fair enough - I wouldn't be happy about giving up my Saturday to travel either.

I'd be ok if travel was in normal work times, I agree that it's to be expected from time to time if you're working remotely.

Shame though, as like you I'd quite like the rest of it!

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:40

Artesia · 04/12/2024 13:10

You are being a bit melodramatic- you can have a snooze on the train to make up for the early start, and "packing/unpacking" for one night away is hardly a massive deal.

Dribbling on my colleague's shoulder .. (there's two of us who live fairly close together).

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:42

minipie · 04/12/2024 13:18

If work are expecting people to travel several hours then it needs to be at least an overnight “do” or possibly even two nights.

No way would I do a 5.30 am start with a midnight finish. What are you supposed to do at 00.30 when it ends? Do a very long journey home again??

They're paying for the hotel for the one night (the night after the party). They're also paying for dinner and one drink.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:42

midgetastic · 04/12/2024 13:04

So you all work remotely and work is fully paying for you all to meet up for team bullring and then hosting a party afterwards ?

To get up at 530 ONE day you don't need to do much different the day before

I would make the effort to go - partly because I value work form home so making the occasional effort seems well worth it to me

This is how I am trying to reframe it in my head. A lot of folk commute every day, I am just commuting a lot longer, for one day there one day back...

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 04/12/2024 13:43

Personally, I would have declined that invite at the time. I have commitments outside of work so wouldn't be willing to dedicate that much travel time to a works function.

TennisWithDeborah · 04/12/2024 13:44

I like partying too. But I’d get the train home after the dinner on the Friday evening I think and swerve the late evening part. Even if it meant getting home after midnight on Friday - I’d want my Saturday to myself.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:45

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 04/12/2024 13:22

There's no way on earth I'd travel 4.5hrs for a work do.

They're my colleagues, not my best friends. I'll happily have a drink with them (and quite often do!) but I wouldn't travel hours out of my way for it.

In this case though, you're not just travelling for the party are you? There is a (presumably mandatory) team building/networking element during the day. I do sometimes have to travel for those in my role, and I just see that as part of the job.

Given that you have to travel for the daytime bit, the evening do doesn't actually add any extra. Just make your excuses and leave before it finishes.

Edited

It isn't mandatory but as others have said, would likely be frowned upon for not attending, at least not without a very good reason. I know one person isn't going, but they have an elderly parent that they care for at home and haven't managed to get anyone else who can do it.

I think I will be asleep in between the team building event and the 'do' in the evening if I get chance and if not, I'll leave the party early definitely. Cannot see myself lasting the generation. As others have said, one glass of wine and I'd be dozing under the table.

OP posts:
Onlyvisiting · 04/12/2024 13:46

Sounds awful.
If they are gathering people from that kind of distance I think it needs to be more like a weekend event, or at least 1 night, and staying in the same place. A 6 hour piss up and dance (which is utterly shit for non drinkers and not inclusive of anyone who isnt physically mentally able to stand and dance in a crowded room for 6 hours). Weekend retreat type thing where there are different social events to dip in and out of would be more sensible to me. It's way too far to travel for a night out.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:47

SharpWriter · 04/12/2024 13:23

Is the next day a work day? So you'll be spending that travelling back rather than actually working? Can understand why some don't want to do it but you'll probably really enjoy it. I do contract work and we all work remotely so if we were to meet up we'd all have to pay for our own travel. So obviously we never bother.

No. The 'do' (and networking/team event)are on a Friday, most of us work but not all of us. Travel back Saturday-not many of us work weekends. One member is working on the Sunday-she's the only one who does, not sure if she's attending, she'd have to be up VERY early to get back on time.

OP posts:
dreamingofsun · 04/12/2024 13:49

I thought having to travel for hours, and spending the evening with a load of people you didnt really want to talk to and then staying in hotel was the norm. It wasnt really negotiable at our place except for one lady that always seemed to riggle out/go sick.

Surely unpacking doesnt take that long, its not like you are going for a week?

They have been a bit sneeky by choosing a friday though

Doggymummar · 04/12/2024 13:50

I was invited to ours, it's in a different country and I declined, as did my colleague who is in a different country again.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:51

Mipil · 04/12/2024 13:26

It’s not a Christmas do though, it’s a training and team building day with a Christmas party in the evening. I assume the day time activities aren’t optional? What are the normal policies for travel/accommodation/expenses if you have to attend a meeting or training away from your normal place of work? Would they pay for accommodation the night before if you needed to leave at 5.30am to attend a meeting?

I would guess that they are holding the training and team building event in the afternoon to get around the tax rules for social events. The maximum allowance for social functions is £150 per person per year including travel and accommodation. More than that, you would have to pay tax on it as a benefit. If you are attending a training event, the travel and accommodation costs (which will be a lot for those coming from abroad) will not be taxable as it is a business event.

They aren't mandatory, I know one colleague isn't attending (has a good reason) and nothing has been said about it. It has been framed as some training but they've also asked us to answer 'guess who' questions (for 'team building' I guess)so a bit of forced fun rather than actual work.

I have worked here since January and never had to travel anywhere, nor have any of my colleagues, I was asked to be on site once but it fell through, but that would be an hour commute there and back and expenses paid. Meetings all remote.

That is interesting about tax. I am guessing they'll frame it as a work 'thing' but it actually isn't hence them not making it mandatory although as I've said, not attending because 'It's too far' would probably deem me a 'non-team-player' and wouldn't look good for any of us.

OP posts:
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