Being told I seem ‘innocent’

[Spamandegg]

Just to say first, I have AUHD so that might be relevant here.

I’ve had this said to me all my life.
I even remember once at a works do when I was about 23, and all the women were talking about vibrators and other toys, one of them said “oh we better not say anymore as … is really innocent”.

I don’t know where this comes from.
Then when I’ve sworn in front of people they’ll be shocked and say they didn’t expect it from me because I seem so innocent?

Even now at 35, it’s still happening!
I don’t like it, I don’t want to be seen as innocent and sweet.

The next time someone says it, tell them to fuck off. Opinions will change quickly.

I think it is because when you have ASD you tend to take things literally or at face value and this can come across as young and naive - combined with the fact that you might be emotionally younger and so seem young for your age. If you are inattentive you can come across as quite dreamy/a bit of a day dreamer and I think that can make you seem younger.

These are all observations from myself and my family where ND conditions are rife! They might not resonate with you at all, but i do feel like me and a lot of my family seem younger than we are, but I generally see it as a positive to be honest, especially at 50! I think it can also be from not being bitchy/catty/sex obsessed which is no bad thing. I do understand that it can lead to you feeling like people don't take you as seriously though.

Just smile snd say “its good that you can’t read my real thoughts.”

Well, go about detailing your kink-filled sex life and/or your satanist past, and get a neck tattoo?

I got to my 50s before people treated me like a functioning adult! I had a manager( not mine) say she wanted to take me home to look after me...I'm married with at the time 3 teens!
I gave up worrying about it. I admit I'm an active person who probably gave off youthful vibes.

I had this a lot, it was really frustrating. I look young (not in an youthfully glam way alas, just a bit baby faced), also autistic though didn't know it at the time. I had the same at work about not swearing in front of me (at least it was usually meant kindly) or people being patronising about certain topics assuming I was very naive.
The most unpleasant though was very weird, a group of strangers on a night out saying I should leave a club because I was bringing down their buzz just by being there, because I looked too innocent and child like apparently.

I have travelled, worked in some eye opening fields (mental health, with victims of sex trafficking etc) so it was purely based on looks and assumptions which I found incredibly rude.

Sorry I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, it stopped when I was in my thirties though I don't know if that was age or me being more selective about who I spent time with. People still assume I don't swear but that's now because I work with children so Im very aware of little ears listening in!

I'd capitalise on it..go on a rampant crime spree/drug binge! Haha. Only joking.
But I've the opposite, in that I look massively guilty and shifty sometimes for absolutely no reason. I always get pulled by customs when I travel. Always. My mate looks like butter wouldn't melt so she gets away with everything. 'Oh sweet little smiling Mary, it can't have been anything to do with her'. I'm sweating profusely and pacing up and down looking like an axe murderer! When I am totally innocent!

You need to channel Britney.

If men are saying it to you it may be a tactic (so you try to disprove their statement).
For the other stuff, a lot of the time you can say ‘well that statement really says more about you than it does about me’ and move on.

I was told the same thing a couple of months ago, when I was about to turn 50. It's so frustrating and I find it hard to combat or dismiss in my own head

Being left out of a discussion of vibrators at a work event sounds like a bonus.

Same 🤢

But to the OP, I’m also AuDHD and get the same. I’m in my 40s and was asked my birth year to have wine on the plane by the flight attendant, who looked very disapproving of me asking for wine until I gave my year, at which point she turned friendly. She was probably in her 60s, younger attendants never ask me but it’s crazy I was asked at all! People constantly think I am sweet and innocent and even ‘charming’ (yes that word was used!), I mean I’m not an ogre but I don’t feel like it’s that warranted. I read once that autistic people look younger than NTs for some reason, probably along the lines of what @Tess150 said. I also just wear whatever I want which may not be age appropriate (as in oversized jumpers with Snoopy and a cuddly bag for sensory purposes), and my hair is short with a fringe because I cut it myself due to hating the salon experience, so that probably looks a bit juvenile as well. Oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

Finding this thread fascinating as I've often had similar feedback, and also the experience that when someone has decided you're an 'innocent type' but then you do something like swearing, being annoyed etc (that would be seen as entirely normal in most people) they decide you're untrustworthy because you'd previously given them the impression that you're innocent and it turns out underneath you're a normal adult?!

I used to get this. Not so much now I'm in my 60's! It was obviously to do with my looks and demeanour. I've always been petite and blonde with freckles, so I suppose I looked a bit schoolgirly when I was younger. I'm also rather softly spoken. It used to get on my tits because every time I made a joke or swore, people with gasp in horror.