Childs dad may be in prison. I am at breaking point

[Leabee1234]

At a loss about what to do. I have a 16 month old son and it's just been constant stress from the start but I've always allowed contact as I wanted my son to have his dad in his life.

He was in a toxic relationship with his ex (left me whilst pregnant ) for her and has been until recently and she has just had a baby with him.

For the past 4 or 5 months his ex has accused him of child abuse and domestic violence against her. He was on bail until end of December whilst police was investigating and he had supervised contact with our son for a few hours every week whilst this was happening

Now, I think he has been remanded in prison. However police are saying that and then saying he is not in prison but they know where he is and he is 'safe and well'

I have had no contact from him about what is going on.

I am really struggling to cope mentally I am being kept in the dark I have asked solicitors and my social worker and no one tells me anything
I don't even know what he's been accused of ( he says its all false as she is trying to win the custody case of their children)

I just feel like cutting it all off for good. I've gave him the benefit of the doubt and allowed supervised contact as told by my social worker as I don't know the truth

I have made previous posts about this but just feel like I need advice. Should I cut him off permanently or see what is happening first and see what the truth is.

There’s nothing you can or need to do right now. If he’s not in contact with you then it’s not as if he’s asking to see you or his child so right now it’s a non-issue.

Police aren’t going to give out information to anyone who doesn’t absolutely need it or have a legal right to have it, so calling the police isn’t going to get you anywhere.

For now, forget about it and live your life as usual. If or when you hear something else then you can make further decisions then.

Stop chasing him. None of this is your responsibility, or really even your business. Why are you phoning multiple police stations to find out what is happening? They shouldn’t be releasing any information to you, it’s nothing to do with you.

Sit back, look after your child.

Put in a child maintenance claim, it’ll find it or it won’t, at some point he’ll be out of prison and you want that claim to be pre-existing.

If he gets in touch, then you allow supervised contact. If he’s this much of a nightmare I’d take it to court for it to be court ordered supervised contact.

He has always said he would take your to court to fight for access.
I doubt it he couldn’t keep it in his pants before his son was born and then got someone else pregnant.
He left your son in the car at a supermarket and staff had to call police.
He’s not exactly father of the year and doesn’t sound like he that bothered about his children.
You don’t need to stress about him, it’s highly unlikely he would get access unless supervised and that’s sometime in the future If he bothers at all.

He's gong to take you to court for access?

Hahahah - he can't even be bothered to get in touch to find out how his small child is.

Even if he is not convicted for offences against the (other) ex and her child, he left your baby in a car park - and lied about it to you (only a few seconds etc etc) . So how would you ever allow him unsupervised access?. And how great do you think that is for your child?

It isn't the police's and social workers job to tell you where he is. He is an adult who is CHOOSING not to make contact with you. The only person 'keeping you in the dark' is him.

It is outrageous that he is not bothering to keep in contact with your child (he would be allowed to, if on remand) but everything he has done is outrageous, and none of it desirable in a child's life, or yours.

Thank you. I agree. I find it strange he hasn't contacted me as he seen his son every week before this but something isn't sitting right with me. I am stopping contact until I know my son would be safe. I don't want any involvement so I am cutting him off now

He will not take you to court for access. These men always say they will as a form of control. They are liars. When it comes down to it they don't care enough about their kids to spend the money and time actually doing it. Believe me, I've been there.

He's probably on a psych ward if the police can't disclose where he is.

Do you think so? I did think this. As the police have been saying different things such as he's not in prison and them another was saying we cannot tell you where he is but he is safe and well. However they first said he had been remanded until the new year.

They can’t disclose where he is because they can’t breach his confidentiality and you have no legal right to know unless he chooses to tell you.

Though if he is on remand it will be court ordered and therefore a matter of public record.

It’s him choosing to stay out of contact. The police, SS etc, cannot tell you where he is unless he gives them permission to do so.

Even if he is acquitted the doubts and suspicions may still be there. Let’s not forget not everyone aquiitted is innocent just like not one everyone convicted is guilty. Miscarriages of justice okay they don’t happen every day but they’re a total rarity either, are they.

Thank you yes it appears he is choosing not to contact. I will not be looking for anymore information

So his dad has got in touch with me
He is on remand for breaching bail and was in court today for 3 counts. Stalking to cause distress, criminal damage of property under £5000 and a threat to post an intimate photo. In his letter he thought he would be released today if be pleaded guilty but i am pretty sure he could get time for these offences. These offences I have only just found out today.