DS Birthday Party WWYD

[RedxRobin]

DS has been friends with another boy at school for a couple of years (they're in primary school). It's a bit of a toxic friendship and I'm not very keen on this boy as he has behaviour issues & made a racist comment to another child last year. I've been careful not to let DS know that I don't like this boy as I feel that it should be up to DS to make up his own mind about him & I don't feel I should dictate his friendships.

DS has started pulling away from this boy as he says that he's mean and he's starting to recognise that he's not a particularly good friend to have. This has now cumulated in them having a bit of a falling out and DS doesn't want to be friends with him anymore. However, we had already said that DS would go to his birthday party.

DS is not massively keen to go although would quite like to do the activity because it's fun (not because of seeing this boy). I'm not keen on him going as I don't want DS to be sucked back in to being friends with him again. WIBU to message the mum & say DS can no longer make it?

we haven't had any drama!
I would say that I have seen her let him play in the playground instead of taking him to school on time because he didn't want to stop playing so him saying his mum never says no to him doesn't seem like that much of a stretch! 🙄

It sounds like you're being a bit dramatic if I'm honest. It's just a party and your DS will play with other people not just the birthday boy.

You should take him.

Decline next year, but you've accepted now. Kids friendships change daily. You might not like the mum, but its the kids that are at school spending time together for years.

I say less interference unless there's anything physical, in which case I would understand your position.

Thanks. I had a chat with him last night and he's going to go. I would've felt a bit bad pulling him out as it's an activity and I know his mum would've prepaid & I don't want to cause drama.

I would be thinking that you should have contacted the other mum and made you apologies and said "I do hope that you'll be able to find someone who can take DS's place at the party" as I've had so many parties for my kids over the years where someone has dropped out and we've been able to fill the space with a different friend coming along instead.

What you're showing your DS now is that he will have to do things he really doesn't want to do, be around people that he really doesn't want to be around, just because his mother didn't want to cause any drama and because the other mother has pre-paid (which would be sorted if someone else can take that space).

Thanks - I see what you mean. However DS voluntarily told me that he wanted to go - I'm absolutely not forcing him just to be polite. I explained myself badly.

I don't want DS to have drama in that I would rather the friendship fizzled out than he get involved in a big argument with this kid who is known to be a bit of a bully. (& before anyone tells me I'm leaping to conclusions about this kid - I have been told by multiple other parents about this kid picking on others!)

You’ve signed up to go, so go. It’s good to teach kids that you need to commit to things. He will like the activity in any case.

This child also obviously has problems. It won’t help him either to have his (previously?) friends cancel on his party.