Not going to get involved with this personally but just curious to know what others think. Details changed to avoid outing.
Friend of a friend; let's say her name is Sally, has been in a relationship with Bob for >15 years. He is British but has been working abroad for a number of years since losing his city job and was unable to secure anything in the same sector. Now works internationally for a job that means he is stationed for 9 months a year with limited potential to return at short notice or communicate, although he is able to whatsapp and do some international calls. When he returns to his girlfriend's home country, he will stay with her for the remaining few months and catch up with friends in the UK.
Now, the twist to this is that they actually have 2 kids- aged between 3 and 8. Dad has never been in the same country for more than 3 months since they were born but does seem to spend a lot of time with them when he is back. He has also taken emergency leave to be there when she was in labour and will also send them a stipend each month for living costs, although she is paid very well by the state and doesn't really need it (accommodation also paid for.)
They have discussed him coming back to live with them for the long term but he has clearly stated that he has no intention to live in her home country and wants to pursue his career ambitions abroad (think non land based career and not able to move family with him into accommodation), although will consider reducing his working hours so that he can return to land for more months of the year (probably max 6). He has also told my friend that he does not see himself living in a foreign country and doing a 9-5 job. He loves his kids but feels that being around them all the time is too much.
She has semi-accepted the situation but is still hopeful that they will all find somewhere to live as a family, and has suggested they set up near where his family live in the UK. As it stands, he has almost £million in savings but no plans to spend this in the near future. They have spoken about marriage but he states that this would not be feasible as then he may lose tax privileges on his current salary.
To provide some background on Bob- he has a degree in something financial and was working in a high powered city job but lost this after accidentally losing the company money during a business deal. Grew up in the UK and was raised by his mum and stepdad who he gets on well with. Dad never in the picture.
AIBU to think that Bob is being selfish, or is he doing the best he can given the circumstances? Should Sally also take some responsibility for insisting that they start a family, given his career aspirations?