Hate socialising with dh

[Binglebargo]

(Nc for this as you never know)

Dh and I married 16 years. Problematic marriage, which stems from incompatibility and my slight over sensitivity due to a problematic upbringing.

We muddle along ok and are sticking it out at least until youngest is to uni.

One thing I hate is going out with him to an intimate thing - eg dinner party. He does not bring up any topic of conversation. But somehow dominates the conversation. If I bring up a topic, he runs away with it almost immediately, answering the questions for me and going on, often with lots of repeated opinions. If someone else starts something off, he interrupts and I can't ever hear what i want to from them as he grabs the ball pretty soon.

Other people do like him, probably more than they like me. I just can't take how overbearing he is and just won't listen.

This time of year is extra awful as a lot going on. Aibu?

Could he be anxious?
My DH really struggles with social occasions; only goes for me really; but sometimes just keeps talking like he can’t stop. I know it’s because he’s socially anxious but it can be infuriating.

Have you spoken to him about this? I’m socially anxious so can panic and start taking too much/interrupting others to over compensate. My partner sat me down and told me how much he struggles to enjoy social situations when I’m there as he’s embarrassed by how much I dominate. Was incredibly hard to hear and made me feel really embarrassed but now I’m more aware I try to reign it in and I’m glad I had the feedback. He told me he doesn’t want it to feel like he’s being mean or cruel to me which helped.

Youbtwo obviously have a good and worthwhile relationship. Be proud of it

Speak to him about it. You want to hear what others have to say. You want to be able to speak about your things.

My DH does this too. I think it's because he doesn't get out much. He WFH and I hear his conversations - he does a lot of talking and not much listening.
If we go somewhere like the vet's I have to remind him that we are paying to hear the vet's opinion and he (DH) should keep quiet. He does realise that he does it if I tell him.
Maybe you need to remind your DH that other people need to have the chance to say something.

So you acknowledge you’re incompatible and plan to leave him soonish. And then ask a fairly innocuous AIBU about how he annoys you. I’m going to play detective and assume your incompatibility might be linked to him annoying you.

Why stay together for your children. My teens friends all clearly know when their parents have a rubbish relationship. You won't be fooling them and then splitting after they leave home will make them feel responsible!!

This! It's so obvious it's embarassing. Everyone will know! And the poor kids will grow up thinking it's normal to put up with a partner who isn't right for you because it's the done thing.

I agree with PPs, it sounds like social anxiety. An absolute ballache if you can't be assed to deal with it- I'm the same with a friend who turns into a loudmouth who puts down those around her when she's anxious. It's not worth putting up with!

Other people do like him

I'm going to guess that while he might be on the garrulous, centre-of-the-room side, he's not actually overbearing to the point of being bad company. He's not behaving in a way that makes him off-putting to your social circle. They like him. The problem is that you don't like him. You know this, which is why you have a plan to separate. Until you do, doing married-couple things with someone you don't like is just going to be annoying. That's the way it is.

Life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage. Seriously, what's the point? Either go to counselling and try and work it out, or separate. The poor kids will probably be miserable because you're both miserable. It's unfair on everyone.