1970's/80's kids... how much did your parent/s talk about weight?

[Auberg]

I've lost some weight and my family back home (US) will see me at Christmas for the first time since losing around 3 stone. I'm going to message ahead and ask them NOT to bang on about it in front of my kids.

The fact that I'm doing this has made me ponder my childhood and the obsession with weight that my mom had, and still has. Literally every day there would be some mention of weight - usually that my mom felt fat/looked fat/needed to lose weight (she has never been above a size 10 UK). The fridge was stuffed with fat free everything and the bookcase was jammed with diet, low calorie cookbooks and exercise books.

I have three siblings - one has had disordered eating, one was obese, then dieted back to a healthy weight, and I've also been almost obese and anorexic at different points in my life.

Whenever I see my mom, she ALWAYS talks about weight. Always refusing food because she's got fat (right now, she's tiny, no more than a size 6/8 UK), 'letting' herself have a single bite of a cookie etc. I don't think I've ever had an adult conversation with her that didn't at some point go to her being fat/needing to lose weight. I was a little cross with her for telling my son that he looked wonderful after losing some weight (he wasn't particularly big before), and then she gets ratty because she was 'complimenting him' on being slim.

She's never called me fat - at my largest, she was always telling me how I had a beautiful 'voluptuous' figure: at my thinnest, she would make sarcastic comments about how I was 'being funny' about eating anything sweet and trying to goad me into eating more.

At home, we never talk about weight in relation to appearance to our kids, but if it comes up, we talk about the relationship between healthy weight and overall health. It always feels stressful seeing my mom and brothers because of how much they'll all be talking about weight and being slim etc around the kids.

I've started dreading seeing my family because of all this. Writing it down, it sounds fairly extreme, and I know my mom has probably had an eating disorder of some kind for decades, but was some of this just how things were for loads of people?

We're not particularly close btw - we're civilised and sort of socially affectionate - but we're not each other's best friend, so to speak.

Lord, that was long! Sorry!

*Children's age 12...

I was born in 86 and my mother did a lot. Being fat was the worst thing you could be. I've definitely carried that with me through out my life. It's definitely something I've been aware of with my own kids so they don't grow up with as fucked up ideas as I did.

Born '70's. Never mentioned, except sometimes DM would go on a diet (after Christmas), which just seemed to involve her eating less pudding etc, nothing extreme.
DF became obsessed with weight in his last few years though.

Born 1968, so an '80s teenager. Never once a mention. I was probably at times "too fat" for today's model look or even trendy look (aged 12-16, and probably a size 14-16), at times, I was probably too thin too (went to uni, could not cook, had no money, so basically ate sporadically, dropped a couple of stone as a result, so a 10-12 but on a 5ft 10 frame it can look gaunt) My poor mum was less than 5 foot and struggled all her life with weight, and was on diets. However, the best thing was it was never a mention, not once, not ever by either parent or anyone in fact. Never done it with mine either, got 5 kids, and although we have had some faddy diets and moments when I felt they should be eating better (constant take-aways) I have kept my views to myself, and will support, but it is not up to me. Apart from extreme cases, I think people should mind their own business on this one, it is damaging, especially if it is from someone that should love you whatever. xx

Never. I hit my teens in the mid 70s. Doubt my mother even thought about it. She'd probably had enough dealing with my father's obsession with trying to lose weight in his umpiring days. Fortunately he buggered off when I was nine.

I was born early 70s. My mum and mil are obsessed with weight, always commenting on how people look and my looks to the point where i have very little comfidence about my weight, what i wear, my hair etc. I guess it comes from my mums own upbringing. I've tried really hard not to pass this on to my own dc eg i exercise to keep my body fit and healthy, no good or bad foods, no fat shaming. My dc are ND and have had issues with food - my mum would always comment about how slim they were so i had to tell her to shut up.

My abusive mother used to humiliate me for being fat

she also thought carbohydrates were the enemy

My mum and dad were skinny teens but then overweight once children came along. There were no diet books or mention of diets, they just ate generally healthily (hardly any processed foods) but didn’t move much. I’ve built fitness into my life and still eat a similar diet.

Never. Born in the 1960s. No one in my family of five ever talked about weight. It wasn’t an issue. There wasn’t enough food for any of us to be overweight and habits were different in those days eg we didn’t snack at home, just ate our tea. I would say it was the same for my extended family and friends’ families.

Never. In the seventies and eighties we just ate healthily (if unimaginatively).
Likewise when I had my own family we never had cleaning the house and cooked from scratch.
Yet DD has an eating disorder.
Honestly you can't always blame your childhood. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes it's wider society that turbo charges it.
My DD is very clear on this.

1970s/1980s child here. Not very much at all. My dad did a lot of running and I remember my mum commenting that he looked too skinny once. My mum would talk about wanting to lose weight sometimes but not frequently. They never said anything about my weight except when they were worried that I was a bit skinny in my 20s. I was a bit at one point.

I can't claim that we ate healthily, we had a lot of convenience food. My mum smoked 20 cigarettes a day for over 20 years.

One thing though, I obviously did not grow up with the hang ups around weight that so many people have here. I don't have any issues with people being overweight or think I'm better than someone if I'm slimmer. I feel sorry for people if it affects their health, mobility or wellbeing but there is no shame or disgust factor in it for me that so many people seem to have been brought up with.

What a shame for those who are so hung up and judgemental about it. I hope they can get over themselves one day and get past their deep and unfortunate insecurities.

60s kid here. Never. It wasn't a thing. No one I knew or anyone at school was overweight, it was just so rare.

60s/70s kid. Working class upbringing - only knew one fat family - parents and kids.

We were brought up on meat and potatoes (or chips cooked in lard!) And no fads were catered to. School dinners were ghastly.

We walked to and from school, played out after school and all day during the holidays.

There were women on diets but they were usually slim to start off with.

You certainly didn't see the number of obese or overweight people you do now. It wasn't acceptable.

I was born in 1972 and I wish I’d been more like you.

I had low self esteem issues and was binge eating at 12/13

I grew up in the 70s and don’t remember my mum joining us for a meal very often. She’s stand in the kitchen with a slice of nimble bread.

Yeah mine is like this, she would always tell me I was too fat though (I wasn't). Everything revolves around looks and appearance with her.

Born late 80's and it was never talked about. We didn't even have weighing scales in the house all the time. If we did have some everyone would weigh themselves at once almost like a game. Then they would be hidden somewhere I think, we were all slim. I feel lucky to have no major weight hang ups, and have tried to replicate the same for my own dc.

As an adult I do think my mum had an eating disorder but just hid it from us. She was very petite anyway but would only have half a slice of toast for breakfast. Similar for lunch and then a couple of rich tea biscuits until dinner time. Always had treats and cakes but very little else if she did eat some. We were never very well off so I'm not sure if she ate so little from habit when there was little budget for food or another reason.

Born late 70s. Many in our mothers’ generation seem to have a huge obsession with weight and thinness. We’ve got an obesity crisis in the UK now so I’m not saying we should all be rolling down to Greggs every day, but I always think it’s so sad how much headspace this takes up for these now fairly elderly women. You’re in your 70s, fgs - just have a slice of damn cake and stop worrying about it!

Looking back at old TOTPs and all the stars were thin with the exception of people like Buster Blood Vessel who was marketed as a fat bloke, and Alison Moyet who wasn’t even that big. At the time though anyone who wasn’t thin was regarded as fat and overweight.
Someone made a comment about European gymnast being the desired look. Yes a million times to this. That was what I wanted to look like. Yet you have to have a certain body type to be that way and I had hips and breasts which I hated. I always wanted to be skinny and small, just like the gymnasts on tv. With the mousey, lank hair to match strangely. I must have said something to mum because I remember the PE teacher at primary school telling me my mum had asked if I could join the gymnastics club and the next thing I spent every evening practising handstands against the living room door and standing on my head for ages!

I was born in 64 and no one was fat, not that I remember.
My Mum never mentioned diets or being fat.
I was the same with my sons, never mentioned weight at all.
I did join WW a couple of times when they were very small, but I said I was seeing a friend, which was true and they stayed at home with their dad.
No one in my family is overweight except me.

Oh did you see so-and-so they:

"are fair putting on the beef"
"are looking well" (said somewhat ominously)
etc etc.

Yeah a fair bit. It was mostly about whether someone had lost or gained a surprising amount that was commented on.

I still feel the obsession with skinny is way worse at the moment though. :(

I was born in the mid-70s. My mum was always on a diet and talking about weight. She wasn't fat but not skinny either. She always ate normal meals with us. I remember friends' mums being the same. One mother did seem to starve herself and lived on coffee and cigarettes. She died young.
Even now in her late 70s my mum's still always on a diet!
Clearly, this was an unhealthy approach to weight, but I do think we've gone too far in the other direction. It's become acceptable to be very overweight and unhealthy. People have lost sight of a healthy diet and weight.

As an 80s baby, a LOT. It was really unhealthy.

They were always following various fads like buying a Nordictrack. My first cousin was big and there was endless drama about her weight. I wonder if by today's standards she would be seen the same way, maybe she wouldn't be far off the norm.

Parents didn't, but the nasty bastards at school did, including the teachers.

I was born 77. I was sometimes aware my mum was on a diet, but she never said anything like 'I've got fat' or 'Oh I'm so fat' or anything, and she was someone who always pointed out the beauty of other women of various body types, including bigger, for which I'm really grateful. I think it's a big reason don't seem to feel the body hangups a lot of women feel, and believe me it's not because I have a perfect body.

I was born in 1972, I remember my mother regularly being on a diet. We saw her sister and my adult cousins every few months and every single time the conversation was about who had lost weight or gained weight, who was looking slim or not.