To not feel 'maternal ' towards them ?

[PinkRetro]

I am one of the oldest at work at age 40.
Many of my colleagues are aged between 20/26. One of my friends said 'I bet you feel really maternal towards them.'
Um, no. Maybe if they were under 12 I would but they are grown adults.. I don't find them adorable or cute or anything weird like that.

You see I find this quite strange. Do you not have kids of your own?

Why would you? They're adults who you work with. Friend is being patronising.

I was just thinking the same thing , at best you would be treated as a bit odd at worst you could have alsorts of sexual harassment allegations throw at you.

Did you give birth to any of them?
No?

Then WHY would you feel maternal towards them?

Strange thing to say…I’m 59….mainly work with people in their 50s ….a few in 40s and just one in 30s….she was 30 this year….and a 28 year old,lllwouldn’t feel maternal about them no……I taught them both how to make a good cup of tea as neither of them drink it…..but hat was for my benefit really

I have a colleague who is the world worst manager as she feels maternal about all her "babies". Aka 20 and 30 yo adults who get away with murder due to her.

Why would you feel maternal towards younger colleagues? What am I missing?

I’m 59…..I have 3 kids and 3 grand kids …..certainly don’t feel maternal to colleagues

No, not at 40.

However, at sixty, I do feel quite maternal to some, not all very young colleagues.

The 19 year old who reminds me of my younger self. The 24 year old who reminds me of my son.

I think the comment is more about how she unconsciously gets her value from mothering other people than how anyone else should. People often subconsciously think everyone is the same so they project how they see the world onto how other “should” see the world. As someone else mentioned though I’m not sure it deserves this level of analysis but if it is any comfort to you you don’t need to mother your colleagues to be valued by them.

maybe it is a personality thing. i have always been the mum of my friendship groups so i guess yes if there is an age gap i do feel in a way material in wanting to look out for them and be of help and advice if asked etc

I hate being "mothered" at work. It's a very ageist way to behave, and usually comes with a side-serving of misogyny.

Nobody would think it appropriate for a new starter to "grandad" older colleagues, so why is it ok the other way around?

i was specifically recruited because i am older. I am partly there to be a balance between "ohhh shiny we can do that with an App/get the devs to make an app" and "we used to send actual invoices on actual paper"

it works really well, i show them the benefit - sometimes - of using a piece of paper or an excel sheet to track projects, and they show me how i can ditch Excel in favour of Power Apps etc etc.

And every "disaster" we've had since i've been there, has often been the first time for many of them, but i've seen it all before and i already know how to handle a lot of them.

None of that is mothering. Even when i march them in to the kitchen to show them the mess they have left after lunch, and that i expect it to be clean and tidy when i want to make my cup of tea.

I do a bit and I'm early 30s. The last time I went out, I was only concerned with helping girls who were too drunk or trying to fend off creepy men. That was a big change!

That's not mothering them, that is women sticking together.

More bloody misogyny. Women are not default carers, nor are we support humans.

It may be that, given particular circumstances encountered in my own workplace, I'm in a particularly unaccommodating mood today. But this kind of attitude makes me want to vom.