Sick of man child

[ladid]

AIBU to be sick to fucking death of my man child?! Two kids together but the longer we're together, the less he does and the more responsibility that falls on my shoulders.

I'm the main earner, do the majority of bath times, homework, school runs, organising days out, food shopping, ALLLLL the housework bar him doing the dishwasher once in a blue moon (and that he wants a medal for each time) and I sort paying all the bills.

I would love to just do none of it to get the point across of how much I do, but that wouldn't be fair on the kids. I'm so burnt out. If I tell him I get the bog standard 'I'll start doing more to help' blah blah blah.

Not sure in the purpose of this post, other than to rant and get it off my chest!

Would you rather separate?

To be honest, I'm not sure. I just feel I've gotten the really shit end of the stick. He gets to live with the bare minimum responsibilities whilst I feel like I'm drowning with them on a daily basis

Do what I did. Get rid. Divorce. Move on.

Milk DC were preschoolers, but I wasn't having a third child to deal with.

Wow. He is taking the absolute piss out of you. You're the main earner, and you still stay? Very strange indeed. Sorry, but you need to think deeply about what it is about him that makes you want to stay.

Sounds like it would be easier without him.

oh God just leave. You may or may not end up doing it all but even if you do, you'll feel less resentful and you don't have him to factor into it all. Start making plans. Actually, to be fair, I think you could lay it out for him though - cards on the table. Give him a genuine deadline and finite list of things that must change by X date. And stick to it. Then he can't blame you for springing it on him or not giving him a chance to change. Breaking up a family is a big deal - alternate Christmas', possible future step siblings and blending, all manner of possible issue which COULD maybe be avoided. You at least should try but be prepared to pull the plug if nothing changes.

Bin him

This. It's the resentment. When hes not at home doing everything doesn't bother me at all. But it's the fact he expects me to make dinner, clean up after dinner and have his clothes washed and ready. All I can think is 'are you taking the piss?!' You are right though. I need to have a proper chat about what I need from him and the consequences if he doesn't change. I don't want to break up my family which is why I keep putting up and shutting up. But it's making me miserable which isn't fair on the kids

As a man myself, it is truly revolting to hear that some men are like this.

You need to decide what you are going to do.

Is it worth it staying with him or is it better to move on. Only you can make that decision. Weigh up the pros of cons of both and maybe even involve the children discretely.

It is a good idea to have wider discussions and advice from others such as family, close friends and maybe colleagues who you trust before making your final judgement.

I genuinely sympathise with you on this OP, but I have to ask how it got to this point? I think this is a lesson for all women to not make it the norm to take on the majority of household tasks, even when it seems easy. It might not be a big deal when you're doing it for yourself plus one, but when children arrive on the scene, it moves to another level. Most men need training, set expectations from the outset of a relationship.

When they are as useless as a chocolate teapot, at least you don't lose much when you separate. When I did it, I took a female lodger to help with the mortgage. Get rid. The resentment will eat you up otherwise. Or give him two months to change, which he won't, maybe after a fortnight, probably. then crack on with it. We had a series of fortnights, depending on how often and how forcefully I complained, but he was a lazy toad.

"I'll start doing more to help" is waaaaay to vague. He needs to take responsibility for something(s) specific, on an ongoing basis, then if it doesn't get done it's on him, and you both know it.

This is not a family, it's a misogynist parasite leeching off you. Fleecing your money, using you for labour, teaching your kids that women are for serving crap men.

Is this one of those Al things ?

involve the children 🙄

Tell him he’s washing his own clothes from now on. Tell him today and stick to it. It will take a few moments to sort out the laundry - just put his back in the basket. There will then be less to wash and dry and fold or iron, and put away.

If he gets round to doing it but leaves a load in the machine, take it out and dump it in a plastic basket and crack on with yours and DCs’ washing. Do not hang it up - just leave it. Move it somewhere if it can’t stay near the washer.

As a pp said, he needs training. He needs to see that you mean business.

Then tell HIM this! Not us!

Rant at him, tell him you're not his mother and he needs to do 50% of all chores and childcare! It's NOT optional!

My DH was not pleased when I told him I wasn't his mother and needs to pull his weight more! He's much better now although I am sometimes careful with how I phrase things e.g. do you want to take them to school or pick up? Do you want to cook dinner or hang the laundry out?

I'm going to say it again some men should NEVER leave their mummy's! With a wife they absolve all responsibility AND expect the sex. Stuff that !!!

Just be single. Life’s much simpler without manchild dragging you down and pissing you off.

First of all, I am as human as you are.

Second, if the children are old enough then why not?

Thank you everyone for the advice. Going to take tomorrow to think about what to say and what I need him to do by when. If not, I do think it's time to separate as it's making me lose myself and my children deserve the best version of me

If the kids are old enough for homework, they could be as young as mid primary age, so you could have another 10-15 years of exactly what you're doing now, or worse. Then the kids move out and you're doing less for them, but everything for you and your H. Then you both retire and you're STILL doing everything... what's the point?? People acknowledge it's hard for single parents - when you're married there's this perception that you're in a team, and being the only person participating in that team is really sad and lonely.

Separating is really scary and hard but sometimes (often) it's worth it. Losing the weight of that resentment is amazing, in my experience. Yes, there's room for other types of resentment to grow, especially if he's as shite a parent to your kids as he sounds now, but at least you're not also washing his pants and listening to him snoring.

Well if you leave it will be one less person to look after.

Been there, done that, wish I'd left sooner. Don't be me.