Aibu re theft?

[JoyceMeadowcroft]

This morning found 120 quid nicked from my DH wallet. Only possible culprits were my two children . After a long chat, one owned up to £80. Then this evening, after spelling out they were only possible culprits, the other £40 appeared. Not sure how to handle this now.
Do I make the one apologise in person? I want to, along with phone removed etc. But DH likely to leap to bullying/drugs (not the case) lectures, and they did admit without my going nuclear.
Not normally an issue, but really second guessing myself now...
I need consequences without alienating a somewhat confused ASD teen

Yes. Make them apologise for stealing and return the money. Work off any they have spent. Also have a chat about why they needed it. Could be kids pushing boundaries could be more serious. Investigate without judgement.

So you don't actually know if one or both teens were involved? Sounds like DH isn't their Dad. Is this a new situation or has he been step dad for a long time? I think that would change how I reacted depending on the answer

What happened?
How do we fix it?
How do we stop it happening again?

If it's accusatory they'll get defensive so focus on the three questions and try to solve it.

So your DH isn't their dad? Why did they steal the money?

I'd have to first find out why they did it and then decide on what consequences there will be.

You've not said how old they are. The results of their actions vary depending on their age. Adults in would be asking them to leave. Now. Sorry but such a theft is unacceptable.
Teens big big fall out. Loss of phones, out of school activities etc. long term monitoring of phones internet and explain why. There is a concern that if they are stealing so stupidly then they are stealing from others. I'd want to know why they did it and deal
Tweens, then big bollocking, grounded for a month. Again work out why.
Younger bollocking and understand why

Nicking cash from a parent's purse/wallet is rather blatent. You need to throw the book at this. Yes, culprit needs to apologise/acknowledge the error and have consequences (e.g., grounding, phone removed, etc.). It's not clear from your post whether you think your other child was also involved. If, so, they need the consequences too. I don't think you should be soft on this, even if they appear repentant.

Fgs, stealing is stealing. Of course they need a stern discipline regardless if he's the dad!! He's the OPs husband either way.. Jesus Christ. No wonder a lot of kids these days are little shits! Doesn't matter if they stole off a criminal or their own dad. It's wrong end of. Of course they should apologise face to face. If it's hidden from DH it shows them that secrecy and lying is okay.

Parent your kids, people!

I didn't say it would let them off the hook just that the approach to discipline would be different depending on wether the DH being on the scene is very new it if he has been in their lives for a very long time.

I mean if they're married it's hardly going to be an 8 week relationship surrely

Surely*

Could you sack the cleaner anyway just in case it was her?

There's no mention of a cleaner in the OP and one of the kids have owned up to it..

Nothing to do with a cleaner.

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