To say no to driving just because I don’t want to

[Nervousdriver123]

I live in a rural area. I feel fortunate to be able to drive and have my own car, as public transport is non existent after around 5.30pm.

I appreciate the freedom driving gives me, but I am not a ‘natural’ driver and often feel anxious, especially in unfamiliar places in the dark.

I don’t drink alcohol very often, mostly as I need to drive myself home as taxis would be exorbitant.

As I live further from town than most of my friends, it seems to be expected that I will pick people up along the way, and take them home again. All but one drives, but there is no offer of reciprocation as I live further out.

At a party a few weeks ago one of my friends actually offered my services to drive home someone I barely knew as they couldn’t get a taxi. I just think that they wanted to help and didn’t consider it a big deal. I didn’t want to do it, but caved in and did because its actually quite hard to refuse something like that ‘just’ because it made me nervous and I didn’t WANT to do it.

I am fed up with always being out of my house first and back last. I sometimes have to work an early morning shift and am getting home up to 45 minutes late due to dropping people off - when they finally decide to leave. I have no issue with drinking and am pleased they are having fun, but inebriated people aren’t the best time keepers - or passengers.

It’s coming up to Christmas and I know this will intensify.

I know they want to drink. I would like to join them, but I can’t. I have no real reason not to drive them except that I don’t want to. Is it unreasonable to say that?

Just tell them you're not driving because you want to have a drink too!

If anyone whinges tell them it's their turn to be the chauffeur then, what time will they pick you up?

Why not share a taxi instead?

Just tell them to fuck off !!

Just get a backbone and say no

So you have the following options:

1. Just say no! You don’t have to tell them why, if they do ask say “I don’t want or have to give a reason” or “I’m always the driver and I don’t like it anymore.”
2. Say yes but I will be leaving the even at x time so I can be home at a reasonable time after taxiing you all home - if you want to stay longer you will need to sort out an alternative
3. I’ve been the taxi so many times can we switch and you pick me up?
4. Don’t go to events where this will be expected of you.

I think you know all these options deep down but unfortunately no one will or can advocate for you other than you… it’s crappy but that’s being an adult!

I'd give a lift only to people who are on my way without having to take a detour and specify that I'm leaving at X time and they be ready for then.

But not unreasonable to not want to give lifts, its rude of people to expect it if you

You can’t take them because you’re not coming from home, you’re travelling from elsewhere (choose a place in-the opposite direction in case of further questioning), you can’t take them home because you’re not coming may get a text meaning you’ll have to leave really early.

or you’re getting a lift from someone else (which fails at the last minute so you drive yourself)

Simpler just to say “no” but no-one will understand.

You’re not being unreasonable. I would just say to your friends that you can’t do lifts all the time because you need to leave to early and get home too late and have other commitments like work. If they are good friends they will understand.

"Sorry I'm in a rush and don't have time to do a detour"

"Yes I can give you a lift but I need to leave at x time"

"Sorry I'm not going straight home, hope you get sorted"

One of the benefits of driving on a night out is being able to leave whenever you want to - not waiting around for other people who are likely to want to stay out much later, or have little sense of time, due to drinking!

It's entirely reasonable to say that you aren't able to drive them. Id usually say I've got an early start the next day and will need to get back early and won't have time for detours (I also live the furthest out and have to drive due to a lack of transport, I might offer a lift in if I feel like it but I never offer to take people home)