Page 3 | To ask for opinions on these age gaps?

Jumell · 2024-12-02T15:05:57+00:00

I’ve got no kids - but am interested in what you think - my best mate from college is expecting her 5th in March. By the time new baby’s born - her existing kids will be the following ages : 15 9 5 3 Opinions on this family structure?

MermaidEyes · 02/12/2024 16:47

competitiveclasswarriorheretotellyouyourewrong · 02/12/2024 16:11

Your friend is a role model in society.

Global fertility rates are plummeting and the effect on the elderly, working age people, children and all sections of society will be devastating.

Governments everywhere are trying to do all they can to increase the birth rate to avoid disaster, but it's not working.
Even subsaharan African countries that once had a birth rate of 5 per woman are going down to 4 and lower. It doesn't sound like much to start with but it is part of a global problem. The rate is below 0.7 children per woman in South Korea.

The only way we can solve this is by increasing the brith rate.

It's a massive toll on parents and especially women to have children and to have larger families and so people like your friend are doing a service to society.

The age gaps between her children are ideal in terms of her allowing her body to heal and re nourish between pregnancies and be able to give the maximum time and resources to each child.

We need more people like your friend to avert the coming disaster. You should be very proud of her and if you can at all manage it, emulate this reproductively for the good of society.

Or maybe we should stop procreating and let the earth eventually die out. Might not be such a bad thing the way the world is going.

Personally OP your friend's lifestyle would be my worst nightmare. There's no way I'd have wanted to be a mum at 18, or have 5 kids, especially if I didn't have a lot of money to bring them up with. Two is more than enough for me. But horses for courses and all that. If they're happy then good for them.

Original poster

Jumell · 03/12/2024 07:00

For those of you who’ve said ‘BINGO’ - we all know what the real bingo would be if she managed to feed a family of 7 for a week with one whole roast chicken 🤣

There would of course be well deserved bonus points if the chicken wasn’t served up with complex carbohydrates but with a ‘massive salad’ each time it was served.

come on folks, I’m trying to inject some lightheartedness here.

For what it’s worth , I’ve seen good outcomes from kids who are from families of 5 with large age gaps, huge families of 10 plus and also only children.

Family size doesn’t matter - it all boils down to how emotionally mature the parents are

OP posts:

EoinMahoney · 03/12/2024 11:37

Only 7? She needs to make the salad a mahoosive one and exercise portion control.
I hope her DP/DH helps out when asked. If not, he's probably a great dad anyway.

leia24 · 03/12/2024 11:37

If I was your friend I'd wonder why you were posting about my life online

GoldsolesLugs · 03/12/2024 12:07

Jumell · 03/12/2024 07:00

For those of you who’ve said ‘BINGO’ - we all know what the real bingo would be if she managed to feed a family of 7 for a week with one whole roast chicken 🤣

There would of course be well deserved bonus points if the chicken wasn’t served up with complex carbohydrates but with a ‘massive salad’ each time it was served.

come on folks, I’m trying to inject some lightheartedness here.

For what it’s worth , I’ve seen good outcomes from kids who are from families of 5 with large age gaps, huge families of 10 plus and also only children.

Family size doesn’t matter - it all boils down to how emotionally mature the parents are

Well, is she emotionally mature enough? Don't leave us hanging.

Dky4 · 03/12/2024 12:15

Id worry about the older child feeling left out or put upon

Original poster

Jumell · 03/12/2024 12:25

EoinMahoney · 03/12/2024 11:37

Only 7? She needs to make the salad a mahoosive one and exercise portion control.
I hope her DP/DH helps out when asked. If not, he's probably a great dad anyway.

Definitely with you on the portion control - I mean there’s absolutely no excuse why anyone should have a BMI of over 20’!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Jumell · 03/12/2024 12:26

Dky4 · 03/12/2024 12:15

Id worry about the older child feeling left out or put upon

The older child was born into far worse living conditions than any of the others

OP posts:

Original poster

Jumell · 03/12/2024 12:27

GoldsolesLugs · 03/12/2024 12:07

Well, is she emotionally mature enough? Don't leave us hanging.

Show quote history

YES. 100%

OP posts:

Babbahabba · 03/12/2024 12:28

There are ten years between my two and it's fine. Couldn't cope with 5 though but everyone's different 🤷🏻‍♀️

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 03/12/2024 12:31

How bizarre to invite comment on your friends fertility choices and then divulge details of her life.

You sound a bit obsessed with her tbh.

JingleB · 03/12/2024 12:31

I’d rather gnaw off my own leg than spend that many years with pregnancy, babies and toddlers.

Other people would thrive. Good on them.

Why is it anyone’s business but theirs?

Mairzydotes · 03/12/2024 12:33

Having a large age gap myself, people have often suspected that we've either suffered with infertility, or had an accidental pregnancy. Neither are the case.

I wonder if people have thought that about your friend.

ShamblesRock · 03/12/2024 12:34

The 15 year old may find it difficult, a tricky age, exams, baby crying, the realisation their parents have s.e.x.

competitiveclasswarriorheretotellyouyourewrong · 03/12/2024 17:53

"For what it’s worth , I’ve seen good outcomes from kids who are from families of 5 with large age gaps, "

Woops looks like your mask has slipped.

You've seen good outcomes? That's an incredibly low bar.

Are you suggesting the default or expected result of 5 kids is anything less than "good outcomes"?

You accidentally let your true colours show there by the way you said it. Clearly to stage it like that you think that the default expectation is at the absolute best, something just below good outcomes otherwise there would be no reason whatsoever to say that or say it like that.

Wow.

Well, I hope you're happy with the responses to the extremely judgemental intention behind your post, that you just let slip.

Original poster

Jumell · 03/12/2024 18:08

competitiveclasswarriorheretotellyouyourewrong · 03/12/2024 17:53

"For what it’s worth , I’ve seen good outcomes from kids who are from families of 5 with large age gaps, "

Woops looks like your mask has slipped.

You've seen good outcomes? That's an incredibly low bar.

Are you suggesting the default or expected result of 5 kids is anything less than "good outcomes"?

You accidentally let your true colours show there by the way you said it. Clearly to stage it like that you think that the default expectation is at the absolute best, something just below good outcomes otherwise there would be no reason whatsoever to say that or say it like that.

Wow.

Well, I hope you're happy with the responses to the extremely judgemental intention behind your post, that you just let slip.

Aaaaaaaargh

you’ve COMPLETELY got the wrong end of the stick

I’ve seen ‘good outcomes’ with EVERY family size including the ‘conventional 2/3/ etc

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Thesimpleway · 03/12/2024 18:40

As someone who regularly receives comments about the size of my family (more than one, 2 yrs between each - deliberately withholding the number for fear of judgement), I get weird remarks and comments from people all the time. Anything from “you’ve got your hands full” to “I don’t know how you manage with the number of kids you have”. Difficult to know what is good natured and what is said with ill-intent.

Regardless, being on the receiving end, questions like those feels like pure judgement and not much else.

@Jumell I’m not sure of your motives, whether you are indeed happy for your friend, who has been blessed with fertility, either way, please take into consideration that inviting strangers to comment on your friends fertility and family choices feels wrong. If you genuinely believe your friend doesn’t have the means to look after her children + the one on the way, the only person you should check-in with about that is your friend, not mumsnet.com.

Original poster

Jumell · 04/12/2024 09:27

Thesimpleway · 03/12/2024 18:40

As someone who regularly receives comments about the size of my family (more than one, 2 yrs between each - deliberately withholding the number for fear of judgement), I get weird remarks and comments from people all the time. Anything from “you’ve got your hands full” to “I don’t know how you manage with the number of kids you have”. Difficult to know what is good natured and what is said with ill-intent.

Regardless, being on the receiving end, questions like those feels like pure judgement and not much else.

@Jumell I’m not sure of your motives, whether you are indeed happy for your friend, who has been blessed with fertility, either way, please take into consideration that inviting strangers to comment on your friends fertility and family choices feels wrong. If you genuinely believe your friend doesn’t have the means to look after her children + the one on the way, the only person you should check-in with about that is your friend, not mumsnet.com.

I have EVERY reason to believe that my friend will cope excellently as a mum of 5 and definitely has the means to look after her children

im actually very pleased for her

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ItGhoul · 04/12/2024 09:41

It's just normal? It's not really worth having an 'opinion' on.