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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded unless gifts are involved

18 replies

babedol · 02/12/2024 13:12

Hi. So my sister sent me a message back in April that her son and his girlfriend were pregnant. I was so happy for her and her family but she told me to keep it a secret as they didn't want anyone to know yet.. cool, I did, I didn't even tell my husband! During the summer my mom told me she was going to their gender reveal,( and she said the expected parents were keeping it small, just a few of their friends) Awesome, I was excited for her (1st great grandchild). The baby is born and I message my nephew congratulations. I get invited to a baby shower for the new baby, and I was so excited to meet her and congratulate the new parents in person. I found a beautiful rocking horse to gift her (with the ok , I'm not going to buy a gift that's not wanted or needed) I found out 2 days ago that I and my husband were the only aunt/uncle out of 16 aunts and uncles that was not invited to the gender reveal. So now I'm feeling like I'm only good enough to be involved when I spend money on you....I don't want to gift this expensive horse. I made them a baby blanket for christmas that I spent hours crocheting that I don't want to give them.... am i wrong? I know it's not the baby's fault 100%. But if I'm only good enough to be invited for a gift am I wrong to just cancel the order (horse) donate the handmade blanket and just buy a random cheaper gift?

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 02/12/2024 13:16

am I wrong to just cancel the order (horse) donate the handmade blanket and just buy a random cheaper gift?

Absolutely! Do this.

PoppySeedBagelRedux · 02/12/2024 13:17

Yes.

BarbaraHoward · 02/12/2024 13:18

Is there any sensible reason you wouldn't have been invited? Do you live far away from them for example? What's the split between nephew's side and his partner's?

PoppySeedBagelRedux · 02/12/2024 13:18

Sorry that wasn't clear you are not wrong get them something cheaper

dancinfeet · 02/12/2024 13:18

I don’t blame you- cancel the rocking horse and buy a generic gift from Jon Lewis / Primark wherever. The blanket I would keep and carefully store to give to someone more deserving in the future - unless you have personalised it, then donate it elsewhere

Bonniegirlie · 02/12/2024 13:21

Absolutely cancel the horse and the blanket. I wouldn't send anything if it was me. Had a similar issue and although I had to send a gift, it was 1/10th of what I would have spent.No invite, no present!

2Sensitive · 02/12/2024 13:25

Cancel cancel cancel!

But first I'd ask why there was no invite?
Could you have missed the text? Your sister obviously thinks enough of you to tell you early.

Original poster
babedol · 02/12/2024 13:26

I live 20 minutes away from them so it's not a distance thing. Nephews side had 6 aunts/uncles invited and girlfriend had 10. As far as I know there is no issues between us and any family. I was the first one my sister told even before our parents.

OP posts:
cantarguewithfools · 02/12/2024 13:29

babedol · 02/12/2024 13:26

I live 20 minutes away from them so it's not a distance thing. Nephews side had 6 aunts/uncles invited and girlfriend had 10. As far as I know there is no issues between us and any family. I was the first one my sister told even before our parents.

I would give them the handmade blanket, as that’s something special you made for the baby, and cancel the rocking horse.

If they mention it I would say “I cancelled it as it was too expensive/would have taken up too much space - I’m sure the baby already got plenty of gifts from the people who attended the gender reveal”

BeNavyCrab · 02/12/2024 13:33

It's certainly very strange not to be invited when everyone else was. Especially as your Mum told you about the gender reveal and potentially was "covering" for them by saying it was just a few friends. It certainly wasn't, if 16 aunts and uncles were there. I'd cancel the expensive horse and think about getting a cheaper present. I'd also be trying to discreetly find out why you weren't invited to the reveal because I wouldn't want to think that someone in my family had a problem with me and I didn't know what it was or why.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 02/12/2024 13:36

Her son is not pregnant.

tothelefttotheleft · 02/12/2024 13:41

Is it a traditional rocking horse? They are massive. I wouldn't give one as a gift for that reason.

Also since they haven't included you give a smaller gift.

allthatfalafel · 02/12/2024 13:44

Why did your mum lie to you and say they were keeping it small when over 30 people were invited and she knew you'd find out?

wonderingconcerned · 02/12/2024 13:47

Why cant you ask your sister?

Approach it as - did I do something wrong inadvertently?

Did you make contact and send congrats once past the early days and officially announced?

I would be hurt. Ask your sister not the couple.

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2024 13:48

babedol · 02/12/2024 13:26

I live 20 minutes away from them so it's not a distance thing. Nephews side had 6 aunts/uncles invited and girlfriend had 10. As far as I know there is no issues between us and any family. I was the first one my sister told even before our parents.

Can you talk to her then?

Dosomethingusefulnow · 02/12/2024 13:50

Im not clear how do they know you wouldn't buy a present fir the gender reveal and have now bought a present ?

PinkyFlamingo · 02/12/2024 13:51

You need to ask your Mum why she lied to you about them keeping it small.

RedHelenB · 02/12/2024 15:19

Why would you cancel a gift, it's for your baby relative not your sister

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