Am I the unreasonable here?

[Prignlesmonkey]

Is it unreasonable of me to ask my in laws and brother in law to stop talking about my husband sister in law? I.e my husband will actually ask them to stop bringing her name around us as no longer exist to us.

We have found out she has said some horrid things about me, that I do not belong in my husband circle, I am not smart, nobody loves me, I need to change to be with my husband, whenever i have given her something that I have made at home, she has chunk it in the bin. She has spread some lies about me as well, basically turning people against me, even turning my husband little brother against us.

This has been going on for years, she has never spent actually any time with me, but has been going around and saying awful things about me. My in laws just told us because they have realised just now what was she doing.

My husband thinks it is not realist of us to ask these people to mention her name around us as it wont be possible, she is married to his older brother so people will always talk about her. His older brother also will not say anything to his wife as the family fears she will take the baby away and leave the older brother.

It's shit and hurtful but I agree with the PPs.

You are giving this person a power over you that she doesn't deserve.

Not the same situation but one that requires a similar mindset on my part :

My exH (my 2 DCs parent) is horrible about me and to me. Thankfully I don't have to see him that much now they are older but he is still a part of every day life through them.

I have come to visualise him as an annoying little fly that I bat away rather than let him or his presence in my life loom large. Plenty of 'oh that's nice' then change the subject and move on. It has been hard to get to this place as nothing he says about me is true or deserved and it used to upset me but now it doesn't. Why should I give the opinions of someone that I don't respect and who so toxic my headspace? They don't deserve that!

She's on her train track in her life . You are on yours. You don't have to let her derail you when she (or mention of her) comes your way, you can only control your track - and that's the thing that will keep you strong - not being in control of what others say or do. Minimise her in your head and it will become easier.