Unfair to younger daily? Feel so confused and guilty

[Ubfairnessmonter]

Looking for some perspective please

My older (14) daughter was at state school and severely bullied . So we moved her to a much smaller private school ( we are based in the south ) . She is thankfully doing so much better.

I have a 10 year daughter too and though we could afford to send her to a private ( just about ) also for secondary we would be so much more comfortable if we sent her to a state or grammar school ( she is much more academic than her sister )

The only reason we sent the older one to private is due to the bullying at it severely affecting her mental health

but we don’t want to be unfair to the younger daughter. Would she despise us if we sent her to grammar ? She is getting tuition /piano lesson / tennis so isn’t missing out completely

any advice or words of wisdom from anyone who has been in this position ?

Would she despise us if we sent her to grammar ?

None of us will know that I’m afraid.

Have you spoken to your younger daughter about it? Does she know her sister is at private school, and understand what that entails?

If she gets into a good grammar school her experienced and opportunities will be similar to her sister's. If she doesn't get into grammar I would be making any sacrifice possible to put her in private like her sister. The difference between private and secondary minus grammar would be very great regarding experiences and opportunity and if dd2 didn't thrive there would probably be life long resentment. I think one private one grammar would be fine.

Where are her friends likely to go?

If they are trying for Grammar that will feel normal to her too.

I I’m thinking of taking her to open days for both private /grammar/state and let her lead my decision

if she feels strongly about private then I will make sacrifices and send her there

she knows what private entails the clubs and trips etc