To contemplate a 7 year gap?

[AshCrapp]

I feel like I'm at the last possible year to decide on having a second baby, but am put off by the 7+ age gap there would be between my (currently only) DC and any new baby.

I had always thought I'd have DC in my early 30s, but accidentally became pregnant with DC1 at 26. Now I actually am in my early 30s and I'd like another baby. Circumstances aren't ideal. I'm on a temporary contract and wouldn't get much maternity leave, and it would damage my chance of turning it into a permanent contract. But if I wait any longer (for example, for my contract to end and potentially be renewed) then the age gap would be more like 9 years - and I might just be starting a whole new job anyway. I rent a house I adore, but it's only two bedrooms, and houses in this area for 3 bedrooms are rare and unaffordable. So I would have to move.

But despite this, I can't shake the feeling that I'd like to try for a baby. Is it crazy to go back to nappies and sleepless nights after 7 years? I'm worried that I don't have the energy anymore, and I'm enjoying the return to myself and my own time now that DC is at school. I'm worried that I've left it too late, and DC wouldn't get the benefits of a sibling. I'm worried that DC is old enough to remember life pre-baby very well, and that he will resent having to move house, having to accommodate a much younger sibling, the dent on finances that would mean no holidays, the attention elsewhere. But I also worry about him becoming an adult alone, without any extended family and no-one to share life's difficulties with, especially surrounding my and DP's old age and death.

So please tell me, If you have a 7+ year age gap between DC, what's your life like? Do you regret leaving so long between children, or has it worked out? What was going back to the baby years like? How did your elder DC adapt? I really don't know what to do!

Poll for the sake of it...

Yabu - don't do it, too much of a gap
Yanbu - have the baby, the gap's fine

Friends of mine had their youngest when the others were 11, 13 and 15. The older ones adored having a baby in the house and doted on him.

The age gap would be less of a concern to me than the finances and housing situation.

It's fine, you're over thinking! But I would say that as mine are 35, 33, 18 and 12!! They all get on so well and are really close.

I think the age gap isn't so important tbh. Who they are and who you are is more key. I have huge age gaps with my siblings, they have small age gaps. Some of them are close, some haven't spoken for decades. None of them really speak to me. We were never encouraged to be close. In fact a rivalry was encouraged more, which is what prevailed. I mostly felt like an only child.

If you want another baby for you, can afford it etc then go for it. The siblings will either get on or not. If you encourage them to be a team and a family I'd hope that would help. The oldest and youngest in my family call mum every day even though they never call each other.

Yeah, this does worry me. But then, I work in a precarious industry (I'm an academic) and I know that if I didn't have any DC already, this wouldn't stop me from having one now in these circumstances. The housing is harder. I feel that the age gap is too big to get children to share a room, but would struggle to find somewhere in the area I want and with 3 beds. Moving out of town is a sacrifice.

There's just too much to consider! With my first DC, there was no real decision. I suddenly felt sick, took a pregnancy test, and just trusted that everything would fall into place. Now that I already have a family to support, every decision feels much weightier.

Interesting to hear about people's experiences with siblings. I have one sibling who is only a year and a half younger, we don't get on at all. For years I wished that I had been an only child, and we didn't like each other as children. I'm glad she exists now though.

I have a 5 year gap between my two. Lots of the mums at school are either pregnant or are just having babies with a 6/7 year gap. It's more common nowadays because of the childcare costs and working family life. I don't regret it for a second. My two are thick as thieves now at nearly 2 and nearly 7 ❤️

Go for it!

Growing up I had a friend who's sister was years older than me and they were incredibly close, in fact I was to her to and used to call her my big sister. They were in fact much closer than I was to my twin as a teenager (who I still have zero relationship with). A sibling relationship isn't dependent on being close in age, it's personality and there can be such big benefits of a big age gap.

And I'm not sure why you think you wouldn't have the energy in your early 30s. Some people on here seem to equate being in your 30s as being a pensioner. I'm 37 and pregnant with my 2nd and don't feel I have any less energy than in my late 20s!

I think the gap is fine. I would be hesitant for other reasons. The temporary contract and the fact you'd have to move from somewhere you love would be more of a reason not to.

8 years older than her and me!

My youngest (she was a happy surprise!) is 12, 9 and 8 years younger than my older three, they absolutely adore her and she idolises them. It's been the best thing I've ever done, seeing their relationships with her is better than I ever imagined and the best thing is they don't fight with her at all because the gap is so big.

I had first 2 close together then youngest when they were 9 and 7. All boys.
They loved him, the 9 year old in particular was like a third adult for him. No jealousy.
Bit tricky for a few years when eldest 2 went off to university as youngest missed them dreadfully.
Age gap seemed irrelevant by the time they were all in their 20’s and 30’s.
I think the eldest two greatly enhanced his younger years, and in turn they learned empathy, patience etc and have both turned out to be amazing fathers to their own children

I got 9 years between my two and it’s been absolutely brilliant! Do it!!

My baby was born 10 days before his sisters 7th birthday. Early days as yet (he's 5 months) but they absolutely adore each other and it's beautiful to watch. Am under no illusions that it will be like this forever, he's about to start moving and that is going to change the dynamic!
I am worried about finances etc (simply because although we can afford two, the reality has hit a bit!) and it has caused lots of challenges (eg this one hates the car, screams most of the evening and we're both 7 years older than when we had the other one, and we are knackered!). However, baby is a delight and smiles more for his sister than anyone else, and big one is such a doting sister, it's wonderful to watch their relationship.
It has changed our life more than anticipated and also less than - in that life has to go on for the older one.
It is a nice gap though, big one will play with him and entertain him but also gets on with her own stuff and is old enough for easy play dates.

I have a 7 year age gap with my kids and it's fine. They adore each other and I'm so glad we waited as older child can look after herself a bit better. It was hard going back to sleepless nights and nappies, but that didn't last long and we settled into a good routine really quickly. You are still young and have plenty of time, don't worry about age gaps.

I had a 13 year age gap. My oldest moved to Uni when the youngest was still only 5. They get on well but arnt close.

I think 7 yrs a perfect age gap

It's basically two separate families.
DH and his brother had a 8 year gap and brother was more like an uncle. Zero in common and it felt like a generation difference.

We’re about to have a 16 year old, 14 year old and 10 year old alongside a newborn. 7 years is seriously unremarkable (in the loveliest way possible!) and certainly not cause for ponder.
I’d hang on a bit longer until you’re in a more secure position work wise and go for it!