Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at family members telling my son to take his finger out of his mouth

34 replies

Mummmyof1 · 01/12/2024 23:55

AIBU getting really riled up at family members for constantly telling my son to take his fingers out his mouth. He is only three.

I don't have an issue with it him doing it, it's just a phase.

Others need to stop trying to parent him and let him be.

OP posts:
DancingOctopus · 01/12/2024 23:58

I can see why you are upset.
However, my eldest sucked his two fingers. I was very much of the opinion that he would stop when he was ready. Except he didn't. The habit started to change the shape of his face.
Try and get your son to stop as soon as you can. It gets more difficult when the habit is entrenched.

Bs0u416d · 01/12/2024 23:58

Have you told them this?

hepta · 01/12/2024 23:59

Yes I would hate this. It's natural self soothing behaviour by a very young child. He's not doing anything wrong. Don't let them do this

Original poster
Mummmyof1 · 02/12/2024 00:02

DancingOctopus · 01/12/2024 23:58

I can see why you are upset.
However, my eldest sucked his two fingers. I was very much of the opinion that he would stop when he was ready. Except he didn't. The habit started to change the shape of his face.
Try and get your son to stop as soon as you can. It gets more difficult when the habit is entrenched.

I had know idea about this. It's been two weeks so far, I'll keep a closer eye on it. Thank you

OP posts:
LigamentBandy · 02/12/2024 00:04

Maybe they are trying to help, worried about germs or his face getting sore .
If you don't like it tell them,
A friends toddler used to suck his two middle fingers and would often have skin infections & sores from being wet all the time and end up at the Drs because of it .

Original poster
Mummmyof1 · 02/12/2024 00:05

Bs0u416d · 01/12/2024 23:58

Have you told them this?

Yes, too politely perhaps. But unfortunately I have only 2 ways to talk to people... Either I'm way to polite like I was here. Or, I get really angry and get painted as the vilian as I only know how to express how I'm feeling by being rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummmyof1 · 02/12/2024 00:07

LigamentBandy · 02/12/2024 00:04

Maybe they are trying to help, worried about germs or his face getting sore .
If you don't like it tell them,
A friends toddler used to suck his two middle fingers and would often have skin infections & sores from being wet all the time and end up at the Drs because of it .

Thank you. He's been doing it for about two weeks, on and off. I'll keep an eye on it to see if there's a pattern perhaps it's when he's nervous etc.
They're not really the type to try and and be helpful unfortunately.

OP posts:
TMess · 02/12/2024 00:08

I tell a 3yo of my acquaintance to stop doing it because a: it’s disgusting, her hand is often visibly dirty before it goes in and b: she then touches my child with her wet germ covered hand, while her mother sort of feebly says “oh no, that’s not very nice dear” which accomplishes exactly nothing. It’s not a great habit! It can be a soothing mechanism but I would replace it with something more appropriate - when one of mine went through a nervous sucking/chewing phase I bought her a necklace designed to be chewed on (which was only slightly less disgusting in my opinion) but did provide the comfort and help her move past the habit faster.

DancingOctopus · 02/12/2024 00:10

@Mummmyof1
I didn't mean to make you panic.
To put it in perspective - my child sucked his fingers most of the time and would do it throughout the night . If I went in and pulled them out of his mouth, he would just do it again. This was over years. He had a brace fitted in the end when he was 12 or 13 which stopped him being able to put his fingers in his mouth.

Original poster
Mummmyof1 · 02/12/2024 00:13

DancingOctopus · 02/12/2024 00:10

@Mummmyof1
I didn't mean to make you panic.
To put it in perspective - my child sucked his fingers most of the time and would do it throughout the night . If I went in and pulled them out of his mouth, he would just do it again. This was over years. He had a brace fitted in the end when he was 12 or 13 which stopped him being able to put his fingers in his mouth.

Ahhh I see. This must have been stressful for you too? Don't worry, you've not panicked me but given me another perspective for my sons wellbeing more than anything.

OP posts:
LigamentBandy · 02/12/2024 00:14

The skin infections were pretty bad a few times they were concerned if would scar him.
I think it depends on the frequency of having hands/fingers in mouths .
I'm sure most of us self soothed by sucking thumbs /fingers or a blanket/toy.

SnoopySantaPaws · 02/12/2024 00:16

hepta · 01/12/2024 23:59

Yes I would hate this. It's natural self soothing behaviour by a very young child. He's not doing anything wrong. Don't let them do this

Well he is, he's nearly 3 and it's not good for his teeth or the way his jaw grows. Not to mention his preschool teachers won't want his wet fingers on everything they & the other children have to use. 3 is older enough to be told to stop it. It's annoying as a parent for someone else to tell them not to do something you're happy for them to do, but they're only doing what they think is best for him.

CrazyAndSagittarius · 02/12/2024 00:18

TMess · 02/12/2024 00:08

I tell a 3yo of my acquaintance to stop doing it because a: it’s disgusting, her hand is often visibly dirty before it goes in and b: she then touches my child with her wet germ covered hand, while her mother sort of feebly says “oh no, that’s not very nice dear” which accomplishes exactly nothing. It’s not a great habit! It can be a soothing mechanism but I would replace it with something more appropriate - when one of mine went through a nervous sucking/chewing phase I bought her a necklace designed to be chewed on (which was only slightly less disgusting in my opinion) but did provide the comfort and help her move past the habit faster.

This. It is not a good habit to have and I wouldn't be promoting it. If someone is aiding you in reminding your child to stop I would be grateful. However it sounds like you have more issues with this person than just this, maybe why it's grating so much but I'd suggest you pick your battles.

Onthesideofthespiders · 02/12/2024 00:19

Why aren’t you telling him to stop? He’s got teeth now; he shouldn’t be sucking his fingers. And he’ll be touching everything. Time for you to start encouraging his fingers out of his mouth.

TenderChicken · 02/12/2024 00:20

It's really gross to look at. And then drooly fingers come out and touch things.

Ew ew ew.

Franjipanl8r · 02/12/2024 00:21

Sucking a dummy or fingers aged 3 can cause dental problems. Better to try and nip it in the bud while you still can.

minipie · 02/12/2024 00:24

It can cause dental issues if it goes on a long time. 2-3 weeks I wouldn’t worry.

It’s a sure fire way to get recurring threadworms though.

ARealitycheck · 02/12/2024 00:24

Some of you out there must have amazing babies that stopped these normal habits by the time they are toddlers. Other than offering a baby wipe when you see hands heading that direction, don't sweat it.

Babies and toddlers are far more resistant than we give them credit for. If you were to witness everything they stick in their mouths or what they touch before doing so every day, some of you would have connery's. They normally grow out of it by the time they reach school.

Original poster
Mummmyof1 · 02/12/2024 00:28

minipie · 02/12/2024 00:24

It can cause dental issues if it goes on a long time. 2-3 weeks I wouldn’t worry.

It’s a sure fire way to get recurring threadworms though.

Ohhhh gosh. Thank you. This thread is really eye opening.

OP posts:
minipie · 02/12/2024 00:31

I’m not saying you have to get on his back about it - but there are good reasons to try to stop the habit forming if you can gently,

Justsewsew · 02/12/2024 00:32

I've got goofy teeth because I sucked my thumb as a child. I remember being really upset when a dentist told me to stop it (aged about 6) and I had no idea how to. I guess just gently move his hand down and distract him to help him break this habit. I hate my teeth

AgeGapBbe · 02/12/2024 00:35

The quicker you can get on top
of this, the better! Habits like this can be really hard to break and it’s easy to see them as harmless when they’re not! It’s much kinder to the child to nip it in the bud before it’s properly established. Good luck op!

MarigoldSpider · 02/12/2024 00:41

YABU.

3 is not a baby, he is old enough to understand the reasons not to and be reminded that he shouldn’t.

So many germs that could be gong into is mouth and that he could be spreading around by putting his wet fingers everywhere.

Noseybookworm · 02/12/2024 00:59

I would gently discourage it, try distracting him rather than scolding. It's not hygienic and can lead to infections. Maybe try washing his hands with soap so that fingers don't taste very nice!

EvilsElsasPetSnowman · 02/12/2024 01:01

hepta · 01/12/2024 23:59

Yes I would hate this. It's natural self soothing behaviour by a very young child. He's not doing anything wrong. Don't let them do this

I agree with this.
It’s just annoying in principle to have someone else tell your child off in front of you for behaviour that isn’t unkind or disruptive and doesn’t affect others.

Swipe left for the next trending thread