This is probably immature of me- but feeling sad my kids want to stay with grandparents and not us

[aurcare]

My kids are 2.5 and nearly 5. They're very outgoing kids, no idea why. They love people and are never shy.

Anyway, that's beside the point perhaps. They absolutely love their extended family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins.

It's lovely to see. But recently, especially my older child is so disappointed when they leave or if we visit them- when we leave. She's also really sad if say her grandma picks her up on the odd occasion - then the next day I pick her up- she'll be so disappointed that I am picking her up.

They usually see their grandparents and aunts and uncles maybe twice a month. Recently I went away on a work trip and they stayed with them for 3 days and my older child literally was upset to see me and didn't want to come home.

It's great that they have these bonds with them, but I'm starting to feel like my children don't like me. And maybe I'm doing something wrong ? I know it sounds silly doesn't it. But I was away for 3 days and she was upset I was back. That's not right?

Or is it just the novelty of being somewhere different and just having so much fun- then being back in the boring routine with mummy? I do my best.

I remember loving having people over when I was a child and visiting people. But I don't think I would have reacted quite the same way.

Tonight they came over and again it was tears from my kids when they left. Is this normal or is something wrong with our parenting ?

Their grandparents possibly have fewer rules and structures? And more sweets?

I think it's normal. My niece is 2 and if I babysit for her one evening, the next morning she'll be asking for me.

My kids were a lot like this at this stage! Now in similar circumstances (staying with GPs) they do seem to miss us a little more. Try to keep it in perspective. Lots of people don't have parents/in laws who are so willing to support, and make staying with them as fun as this! Lovely that the kids will have such wonderful memories of great times with GPs when they're older

They aren't as stressed do don't "shout" / nag so much I guess.

It could be any of the above suggestions, or it could be that the visits aren't regular so they don't know when they'll see them next.

When they leave / you collect your DC, do you say 'no need to be so upset, you'll be seeing [family member] next week / on Tuesday or whatever? Although given their ages that might still feel an eternity to them. 🙂

My DC are like this and it stings but I also know it’s because their grandparents give them endless attention (obviously not sustainable for parents), give in to every tantrum and buy them lots of things. Lovely for 24-48 hours but obviously not how you could parent

Agree with pps it's likely sugar/novelty/family giving them 100% attention because that's why they're there and they don't have to cook/wash/tidy etc at the same time.

Only since you said you feel they don't like you, is it worth exploring that for your own peace of mind - what's it like when family aren't around, do you feel like your days with them are enjoyable etc. Occasionally (rarely if I'm honest...) i try to organise what i have to do so I spend half a day focused on chores then a proper half day focusing on the kids (as a visitor would). Playing with them, giving them all my attention, making a point of not slipping into "just 5 mins while I put the washing out/unload the dishwasher" etc. It's a lot easier said than done!

It's bad but sometimes I don't want to take them because it's such a drama when we leave.

I don't want them picking them up from school etc because then they're disappointed it's me.

It's because they're a 'fun' alternative - if it was a grandparent picking up all the time the tables would turn!

I was very careful with this as my DM got crazily jealous when I was a kid if I 'liked' other adults more than her, and it did some damage to me. Now whenever DS declares he loves Auntie X who he sees once a month more than me, I take a deep breath, carry on and make a very sarcastic comment to myself once he's asleep 😂

Well, it's clearly bothering you. You may need to ask grandparents to help out. Ask what they're doing that is perhaps different to home/how you're parenting. Ask if they can change what they're doing such as if they are offering sweets too often or allowing things that you wouldn't and request they hold back on it. It's often the belief that grandparents can spoil grandchildren despite what parents have said but that's not at all true and they're told not to say anything to mummy/daddy. Which is also wrong. We don't have secrets from mummy and daddy.
Especially as it's effecting your mood and causing disruption they should be willing to help. It's not them who have to deal with the tears. This is why I try to keep grandparents at an arms length. Parents needs and boundaries come before grandparents wants.

It's very normal. Mine were the same, adored their grandparents and cried when it was time to leave.

The relationship with grandparents is completely different to parents - much more indulgent and usually much less discipline! Also parents are often busy and rushing to get stuff done - grandparents have the time to slow down, give children really focused attention and listen to them.

Be grateful that your children have a wonderful relationship with their grandparents. I think you need to explore why this makes you feel rejected, are you insecure generally?