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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

… or is my husband?

21 replies

CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 20:22

My DD told me tonight that the teacher at her musical theatre class had told them that, “I don’t care if you don’t have a snack or drink and I don’t care if you need the toilet.” (They have a break during lesson, where they have a snack and a drink).

I told my DH as he will be seeing the deputy tomorrow when he takes DD for her singing lesson. I wanted him to pass this onto her, so she can look into it and speak to the teacher. I’m aware DD may have taken something out of context or misheard/misinterpreted something etc. If she hasn’t and the teacher actually said this, I feel we should give the deputy a chance to handle this.

My DH disagrees with me; he feels the teacher will end up resenting DD and make her time there difficult. He doesn’t believe that someone who would speak to children this way, would correct their behaviour and doesn’t want DD being taught by someone like this. He wants to pull her out, but DD said she loves it there and doesn’t want to leave, plus she’s never been passionate about anything before, so I don’t want to take this away from her. I’ve tried enrolling her for lots of different clubs and nothing has ever stuck, yet she seems to like going there.

I’m also very aware he doesn’t like taking her/collecting her as he’s moaned about this being a ‘hassle’ for him, so I’m dubious as to why he really wants to pull her out. I feel he is BU by not going to the deputy before resorting to pulling her out.

Which one of us is BU?

OP posts:
CitrineRaindropPhoenix · 01/12/2024 20:46

How old is your DD?

Shoxfordian · 01/12/2024 20:48

I wouldn't bother raising it either without knowing the context

Futurethinking2026 · 01/12/2024 20:52

I think you’re probably over reacting. You don’t say how old the children are but if she has 10-12 kids saying, miss I don’t have a drink, miss I don’t have a snack it probably gets a bit frustrating.

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 20:57

Oh, I thought he was the one overreacting, so this is a bit of a wake up call for me! I thought it would be best to mention it, but perhaps not then.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 01/12/2024 21:03

How long is the class?

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 21:04

Ablondiebutagoody · 01/12/2024 21:03

How long is the class?

Sorry, I should have said this and her age - the class is 2 hours long and she’s 8.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 01/12/2024 21:04

Why do they need a snack during a class? Do they not have dinner before/after?

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 21:05

Idontjetwashthefucker · 01/12/2024 21:04

Why do they need a snack during a class? Do they not have dinner before/after?

They do have dinner beforehand - I have the same thoughts on this tbh and don’t think she needs a snack, but she takes one as that’s just what they all do!

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 01/12/2024 21:06

Do they need a snack/drink? How long is the class? My DS obsesses about his drink in a 30 minute class- acts like he’s been in the dessert for the previous 24hours. His teacher probably wishes he could throw the bloody drink out of the gym window! I wouldn’t say anything- the teacher was probably annoyed that 10% of the class are either on the toilet or ‘routing for their non existent snack’ at any one time!

GiraffesAtThePark · 01/12/2024 21:08

It sounds odd that a teacher would just come out with that without it being in the context that some student was being rude to them. What are the teachers actions? Is he/she refusing to let people go to the toilet etc?

ATuinTheGreat · 01/12/2024 21:12

Unless any medical issues, 8 year olds can easily manage to do something for 2 hours without a snack, a drink and going to the toilet. 2 hours isn’t that long to get stuff done and if you have a break in that where everyone eats drinks and goes to the toilet you probably waste a quarter of the total time.

I would not complain about this at all - in fact I would think “Good!”

INeedAnotherName · 01/12/2024 21:14

If a child can't go without a snack or a drink for two hours then there is something seriously wrong with them. Is she diabetic/ill or is it because she's never had to go without?

I agree with pp, I suspect twenty+ kids mithering a teacher about drinks etc is likely to send the teacher insane. Far better to teach your child to make sure she uses the toilet before class, or have a drink ready at then end. She's old enough to start doing that unprompted.

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 21:16

ATuinTheGreat · 01/12/2024 21:12

Unless any medical issues, 8 year olds can easily manage to do something for 2 hours without a snack, a drink and going to the toilet. 2 hours isn’t that long to get stuff done and if you have a break in that where everyone eats drinks and goes to the toilet you probably waste a quarter of the total time.

I would not complain about this at all - in fact I would think “Good!”

They have a 2 hour lesson and at some point during this session, they all stop for a break and have a snack/drink. That’s how they run things - it isn’t just the children randomly stopping to eat.

OP posts:
Original poster
CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 21:18

INeedAnotherName · 01/12/2024 21:14

If a child can't go without a snack or a drink for two hours then there is something seriously wrong with them. Is she diabetic/ill or is it because she's never had to go without?

I agree with pp, I suspect twenty+ kids mithering a teacher about drinks etc is likely to send the teacher insane. Far better to teach your child to make sure she uses the toilet before class, or have a drink ready at then end. She's old enough to start doing that unprompted.

I clearly didn’t make my OP clear as everyone is saying this.

The company have a 2 hour session and they themselves have factored in a break during this time and have asked the children to bring in a snack and a drink. I agree, it’s not necessary, but it’s just what they do.

OP posts:
staceyflack · 01/12/2024 21:30

U are both b u. Blowing it out of all proportion. If your daughter loves the class, what's the problem? The teacher's comment... whatever the emphasis obviously hasn't upset your daughter, otherwise she probably wouldn't be keen to go back. Your DH probably just wants to sack off the extra car runs. It really sounds like a non issue to me. Sorry.

INeedAnotherName · 01/12/2024 21:41

So what is the problem? Is it because some children don't bring in snacks or drinks and then complain to teacher they don't have one?

For the teacher to state she doesn't care, that means the children/child is doing something on a regular basis that causes frustration in the teacher. What are the children doing or not doing, or what are all the parents not doing?

I would have thought teacher would look at watch and say break time, and the children would get their snacks and drink and go to toilet in that time without going near the teacher. Personally I would teach my child to be more self sufficient, and learn how to tell the time so she can see when snack time is nearly finished rather than you approaching anyone. She's eight.

DoublePeonies · 01/12/2024 21:42

So, there is about an hour of class, a break where they can eat, drink, and use the loo, then the rest of the class?

Yep, the teacher doesn't need to know someone has forgotten a drink/snack. And most 8 year old should be able to go an hour most of the time without the toilet.

Gonk123 · 01/12/2024 21:43

If you send her with. Drink and snack there isn’t really anything g to be concerned about. Sounds like it was said to the group as a whole - something triggered this…

ATuinTheGreat · 01/12/2024 21:43

CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 21:16

They have a 2 hour lesson and at some point during this session, they all stop for a break and have a snack/drink. That’s how they run things - it isn’t just the children randomly stopping to eat.

Show quote history

Yes - I understood that perfectly well, thank you. It’s unnecessary and if I were the teacher I would rather just get on with it than have everyone eating, drinking and going to the toilet.

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 22:17

ATuinTheGreat · 01/12/2024 21:43

Yes - I understood that perfectly well, thank you. It’s unnecessary and if I were the teacher I would rather just get on with it than have everyone eating, drinking and going to the toilet.

Show quote history

Well she’s working at the wrong place then?

OP posts:
Original poster
CutiePatooties · 01/12/2024 22:23

Gonk123 · 01/12/2024 21:43

If you send her with. Drink and snack there isn’t really anything g to be concerned about. Sounds like it was said to the group as a whole - something triggered this…

True, it was said to the group as a whole and my DD had her drink and snack so I probably shouldn’t be bothered… I think it was the, “I don’t care,” that didn’t sit right with me. Thanks for your response, you’ve completely understood what I’ve said which is refreshing. People telling me to teach my daughter how to use a toilet is quite irritating. I clearly stated the teacher had said this to the class! My DD didn’t tell me it was her being told this directly; she was telling me what the teacher had said to the class.

Thanks for the helpful responses. We’ve both BU and I will just forget about it.

OP posts:
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