To ask for an hour to myself?

[Pweringthrough]

It’s my birthday this week. I have a 10 month old baby who is almost walking and into everything, who I look after all day as DH is out at work 7am - 7pm. I’ve only been on my own a couple of times since DD was born and those were to nip out to the supermarket.

DH asked what I want to do for my birthday and although we’ve got a family day out planned what I also really would like is for him to take DD out for a few hours so I can just be alone. He seemed to think this was a really strange request? I’m feeling quite guilty now for asking. I love DD with all my heart but she is so full on I would also love a few hours to just watch tv, drink a coffee and scroll my phone uninterrupted.

AIBU to ask for this or is it odd?

YANBU

I have a 7 month old. Have split from my husband and I am looking after her on my own so I know exactly what you mean! Those hours to yourself are very precious and are a luxury to mums who look after their babies on their own most of the time.

Not unreasonable at all.

I have a 13 month old and the only time I get away from her is to do housework. I love her with all my heart but I was a person before I had a child and I’m still my own person now.

It is a treat to have some time to yourself sadly. I’d be asking for time to have a bath, get in PJ’s and watch your favourite shows with some of your favourite treats. Not odd at all.

The only unreasonable thing here is that you don’t have even a little bit of time to yourself every day or at least every other day! Totally appreciate he is working long hours but is there a reason why he can’t watch her even for an hour once he gets home from work so you can just have a bath, lie in bed and scroll or watch TV in peace for an hour? I have a nearly 8 month old and my husband works full time but we still both get an hour of alone time each on an evening pretty much every day unless he’s getting home from work after 9pm, he watches her for an hour while I have a nice long bath and then I take her up to bed while he has an hour watching TV/scrolling/relaxing.

YANBU.

Happy birthday!

YANBU and actually I'd ask for half a day at least. Leave by 9am, come back no sooner than 12.

Does he do any parenting at all? Why is it all on you?

It's odd that he hasn't already taken his child out alone at some point in the last ten months.

It doesn't matter what he thinks. That's what you want. Tell him to make a plan. Do him good anyroad.

@newweeknewme he does go up to bed about 7.30pm so I get a bit of time in the evening but this is usually spent washing bottles, cooking, sorting washing etc! We both normally watch an hour or so of tv then bed.

YANBU.

Since I became a mother, Mother's day for me is DH taking the kids to celebrate it with his mother and give me the house to myself.

I have made it clear to the kids that whilst they live at home it's a treat for me to have kid-free time. Once they have moved out then it will be time for them to spend Mother's day, or a day near it, with me as I won't see them every day. 😁

YANBU to request this however in the long run things have to change. You’re not a single parent, you shouldn’t have to be waiting for special occasions to be gifted time to yourself, you will burn yourself out if your OH doesn’t step up and help out more.

A knackered friend of mine asked her husband for a night alone in a hotel for her birthday when she had a kid.

She had a bath, got room service and slept for 12 hours.

This is the present I would want.

Men don’t get it. As mothers, particularly SAHM, we are on call all day and every day.

My DH used to understand that I needed time to myself every no and then before we had DC. And now we both agree that DC come first so my alone time just doesn’t happen the way it used to. But more than that, now it NEVER happens unless I specifically plan it in advance and request that DH be available to parent. Since he is working, his schedule, understandably needs to be checked but even then he gets regular ‘time off’ for hobbies whereas I don’t because I am the default parent and want alone time rather than group activities.

Absolutely not unreasonable. I'd say it's essential. I would even say it should be a regular thing!! Find a baby swim class at the weekend or get a membership to soft play or whatever he would happily do and send him out the house for you to get that time weekly.

Why have you not been out with your friends since you have had the baby. Could you have not met up with them on an odd Saturday afternoon during the summer and had some adult company? What about your hobbies before you became a mum? It seems very strange ( to me, maybe not to others) that the only time you are child free is to go to the supermarket.
I think you need to get a better balance between being mum to a little one and being you. I'm not suggesting going clubbing every weekend or anything, just bringing some of the things you used to like back into your life.
DH has a super close relationship with the now adult children and I genuinely believe it is because of the time he invested in them from the minute they were born.
I'm another one who finds it odd that he hasn't been out alone with the child in the last 10 months.

Totally reasonable. He obviously doesn't get it if he wonders why you want some peace and quiet!

Don't feel bad in any way. You'd come back more refreshed and a happier mum. You need to schedule in some regular time for yourself if possible x

Do say he takes baby out on a Saturday for three hours while you do your thing? It should not be just on your birthday

Yanbu its so important to get some time and space for yourself!

Oh my goodness! You are definitely not being unreasonable. Please please please book yourself a massage and a pedicure and have some flipping you time. That is not a suggestion... it's been 10 months... it's a necessity at this point.

It’s not unreasonable to ask for it at all if you want it@Pweringthrough but I think all those bashing DH need to calm down 😅 OP hasn’t said that she’s not been allowed time alone etc. My DH would probably be a bit confused if he asked what I wanted to do for my birthday and I said “have time away from you” 😂 as he would expect my plans to be with family 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m intrigued to know how much time everyone posting has on their own 😳 My DS is now 4yo and so far I’ve been alone to attend a funeral, to have a 2 hour hair & make up appointment on the morning of my wedding, and to attend 2 work Christmas dinners so probably 7-11pm ish 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

In a typical week, I work when he’s at nursery. I have 1 hour a week to myself while he’s in an activity (not allowed to leave the building so sit in the cafe in the foyer). I then have the evenings when he’s in bed.
DH works away from home for weeks at a time. During his leave, on days I’m not working, I always prioritise family time as our set up means we don’t get much of it.