People who loudly pass judgement - is it really necessary?

[Stressedoutmumof2]

Visited the garden centre today with DH, DS3 and DD1 to see the Christmas stuff and as an alternative to the hell that is soft play. Kids were fucking mental as always but kept under some sort of control with bribery of cake in the cafe and distracted with lights and dancing Santa’s. Around a 4/10 experience with a tantrum in the car park over not being able to run in the road (DD1) a tantrum over a gingerbread ornament not being actual gingerbread (DS3) and a tantrum over not being able to climb in the fishtank (both).

Finally, made it through to the cafe for a coffee and the promised cake. Kids suddenly chose to behave and sat down nicely and ate their cake and juice. As we were sitting there, a dad with his daughter were waiting in the queue with his DD having an absolute epic tantrum. Lying down on the floor, wailing, refusing snacks, legs kicking - the whole works. She must have been about 3. The queue was fairly long and so they had a bit of an audience as dad was determined to ride it out and wait to place his order. No judgement from me, we’ve all been there. However, he was still waiting when we were getting our stuff ready to go and my DS said bye to the couple sitting next to us and they very loudly said “bye sweetheart, it’s been a pleasure to sit next to such a well behaved boy. Nice to see people do actually still parent their children” with daggers shot at the dad grappling with his daughter on the floor. I was utterly mortified and just pretended I hadn’t heard and left.

It’s really crap dealing with a child that’s in the middle of a full blown tantrum/meltdown and it must have made that dad feel like shit hearing a comment like that. It’s just so unnecessary and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it all day.

The comment didn't help anyone, but if the DD was creating that much of a disturbance, her dad should have taken her outside - not really fair to inflict that sort of row on people trying to enjoy a quiet snack.

Yes, not helpful, but people have paid to have a nice bit of cake of whatever and would like to do that without listening to a child screaming.
if you’re in a soft play etc then you expect it, but a garden centre is not specifically aimed at children so people could be more considerate.

Nobody wants to be around meltdowns but I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to comment.

A lying on the ground meltdown in a cafe.

Child needs to be picked up and removed from the situation. It's not fair on everyone else.

A shopping trip isn’t exactly a fun experience for children though is it? I don’t blame her for kicking off.

I’m glad I wasn’t there. I bloody hate screaming kids. The dad should have taken her out and home.

He could have just quietly seethed rather than using your kids to score points like some sort of passive aggressive dickhead

OP says it was full of Christmas stuff and dancing Santas. Most garden centres turn into giant Christmas Grottos at this time of year.

But, regardless, I don't think anyone would blame a small child for a tantrum - it's one of those things - but her dad shouldn't have left her lying on the floor to disturb others and be the focus of unwelcome attention.

Please don't punish a strangers positivity about your DC. I think finding joy in your DC is what to take away from this afternoon.

It wasn't positivity about her children. It was loaded. It was weaponised. It was malicious.

That level of tantrum in a cafe isn’t fair on rest of customers. Plus potentially not safe - people carrying hot drinks or customer could be injured by a child kicking out. Better to remove her to calm down. The couple wanted to enjoy their drinks and food they had paid for. But yes comment passive aggressive better to just compliment your dc and leave at that.

Parent should've removed child from the cafe or the que. Nobody else should've passed comment.

But if child was screaming blue murder whilst being indulged or left to it...that's pretty inconsiderate of everyone else whose just bought overpriced coffee & cake.

Agreed. Everyone else should not have their coffee morning ruined by tantrums.

Yeah that was an awful comment to make.

Other people’s kids have meltdowns, surely. Or at least have had them.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to make shitty comments in an already difficult situation.

It was nasty and loaded. They could have ended it with the compliment then shut their traps.

Of course meltdowns are hideous and for many older people dining out, they can't detach from the moment - unless it's going on for a significant amount of time and it's impossible to.

I was that parent. ND child, kicking off everywhere. I was mostly on my own having to leave every place I ever went. Sometimes, just sometimes I wanted to enjoy an experience doing something nice like visiting a garden centre and looking at all the decs! I'd usually lift child and leg it out of there if we had a meltdown because I would not always be able to remain calm with everyone watching and tutting.

I give people a great deal of slack on this and admire the calm approach to just let it run it's course. I particularly loved and really needed those people who would commiserate or laugh to me and make light. I won't ever forget the shop keeper who helped me get child in the buggy mid meltdown and told him ' stop and listen to your mother now' 🙏🤣

People who make side remarks are actually showing themselves up.

Yeah think that is crappy parenting. I’d always remove my dc where possible from a situation where their meltdown would ruin someone’s meal, show , anything. Also a sign the toddler was probably hungry and tired.